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apologies

Sep 08, 2010 - 22 comments

so hubby called and i handed phone to kids so they could say hello as he's not home tonight, then when the phone was handed back to me i hung up. anyhow an hour later he phoned and i said i'll get kids and he said no i spoke to them please talk to me, he apologised etc and we spoke about what we'd done today but when he said bye i love you, i wouldn't say it back he repeated it but i just said bye....was i wrong?

i do kinnda think i should have but he's been such a git lately i think he deserves this....tonight im changing the bedding and having clean sheets and the bed all to myself!

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1303813 tn?1303162962
by Cassandrajane, Sep 08, 2010
I dont think you're wrong. I do the same....

He and most men need to learn that sometimes like 'Sorry' 'I love you' doesnt cut it.
Maybe,
'I Love You, Let me clean up, lets go out for dinner, and i'll treat you like a princess and some flowers' every day for 2 weeks might....

But has he called you back since??

xx

1301836 tn?1305625415
by natashajay, Sep 08, 2010
nope but he's working away so he has to go find his own lunch LOL he could be some time

1303813 tn?1303162962
by Cassandrajane, Sep 08, 2010
Hahahahahahaha.

Men... can never do anything by themselves! hahah.

When is he back???  

xx

1301836 tn?1305625415
by natashajay, Sep 08, 2010
late tommorrow evening, if i take him back, he knows im angry now


1298207 tn?1331681131
by hopefull613, Sep 08, 2010
gurl if i was u i would throw in some scented candles with that new bedsheet.......LOL.....good on u babe make him wonder, i bet he can wait to get home 2moro....

1301836 tn?1305625415
by natashajay, Sep 08, 2010
ha ha yea tempting but the smell might make me heave everything does at the moment! the new sheets will be enough tho and having the whole bed to myself heaven!


1303813 tn?1303162962
by Cassandrajane, Sep 08, 2010
Go and have a NICE hot relaxing Radox bath with candles...
I might go have one LOL..... I just tried on a dress for my awards ceremony... and I look like a fat dumpling! :(....

whats he said about you being mad at him?

xx

1301836 tn?1305625415
by natashajay, Sep 08, 2010
sounds lovely might do that
ahh im sure you don't look like that at all....whats it like and what colour....what award then?

he just said sorry....always he just says sorry....i don't even think he really knows what he is saying sorry about

1035252 tn?1427231433
by Ashelen, Sep 08, 2010
well see here's my take on the "i love you" thing...you might score a hit (i.e. hurt him a little and make him realize that you're hurt)....but what happens if he never makes it home? what if the last time you ever talked to him, he got the cold shoulder?

no matter how angry I am, Dh and I always say "i love you" before bed, and we always say "I love you" on the phone and when we part.....sometimes it comes out sounding like "i hate you" because I'm so angry, but at least I know that if he dies somewhere before I see him again he's going to remember that I DO love him..no matter how hurt I am.

either you do love him or you don't....but dont pretend you don't just to be snarky.

that's just my opinion on it though..and I know as women sometimes we do things just to get even but we've also got to remember that some things can't be undone :).

1303813 tn?1303162962
by Cassandrajane, Sep 08, 2010
Its black.. Ill take a picture in a sec :)...

Me and John always say 'I Love You' but when Im p!ssy.... I give him one word answers in texts...

Other times...I just dont say it if I hear yet ANOTHER cheating rumour I text him crying and dont put love you....




And well I am an apprentice and we have learner awards every year. And I work there so I have to be apart of it. I duno if I get an award for my qualification I did in April.... or if I get anything next year for my qualification im getting now....

xx

1298207 tn?1331681131
by hopefull613, Sep 08, 2010
saying "i love u" means nothing if its not shown i rather not hear it at all but know that i am love thru actions....not saying it dont mean u dont love him it just tell him hey words dont mean anything without the actions to back it up. he shud think b4 leaving her pregnant and upset when he knows hes not goin to be hme for a while....wat if smthing happened to her or the baby while his having his lil hissy fit,....

1298207 tn?1331681131
by hopefull613, Sep 08, 2010
im sure he knows he is loved

127124 tn?1326739035
by have 2 kids, Sep 08, 2010
I agree with Ashelen.

1035252 tn?1427231433
by Ashelen, Sep 08, 2010
But the thing about life is....when you're married to someone your entire life, be it 50, 60, 70 years...you WILL fall out of love once or twice, most likely. you will lose "that spark"...and the only thing keeping you together is the practice. you PRACTICE loving one another. I know that sounds weird.

Just remember....the point isn't here that he's right and she's wrong. he was VERY wrong. But two wrongs do not make a right, and if he continues to say I love you...then if she truly loves him back she should say it because he probably knows he screwed up and is a little scared somewhere inside that she DOESN"T love him..and making him think that doesn't do anyone any good.

1298207 tn?1331681131
by hopefull613, Sep 08, 2010
um (diss might sound rude but i dnt mean it to be) reading her past journals this is not the first tym hes gon on like this and then say sorry i love you,  her saying i love u back make him think its ok to do wat he do and just utter these wrd and every thing will b ok, dnt know how wat kinda person ur husband is but mine is the same and he has changed the past few years becuz i let him know aye my love dnt need to be here for ever she not say it dnt mean she dosnt love him....smtyms when i fight with my husband i say it and he dnt say it back at the tym but i kno he loves me becuz he shows it in his actions....making him think and wonder is exactly my point becuz then hes going to realize that if he continues the truly he will loose her love...he shud be scared....if he's not then he wouldnt want to change and he needs to change......she shouldnt suck it in and pretend every thing is ok just becuz he SAID sorry he needs to seriously prove it....two wrongs dnt make a right....yea i kno....im not saying she shud fight him somtyms u need to let them think abit .....

1035252 tn?1427231433
by Ashelen, Sep 08, 2010
I agree with everything you say EXCEPT...like I said..if you're going to continue with a relationship with someone then you don't want to hurt them just to prove that you're hurt. "I love you but you really hurt me" would be better than refusing to say it in return. I've been there before when someone I love died and the last thing I said to them wasn't very nice....so I'm never going to do that again. We can totally agree to disagree though everyone has different relationships and I don't think yours is any worse than mine, it's just not how I live now that I've lost someone without saying "I love you" and I know the pain of never being able to. It was almost 10 years ago and I still feel that regret from time to time and it was only an ex-boyfriend that parted on bad terms...I can only imagine if it was my husband and the father of my children!

1301836 tn?1305625415
by natashajay, Sep 09, 2010
i know where all of you are coming from and the councillor said as much to me but she also said i have to stand up for myself, we've been together for 16 years married 11 and he has never really been as bad as this but from the start he married me to get away from his parents, his mother has a mental illness and his childhood wasn't good.
he's been treating me with all his aggression which should have been aimed towards his parents but as he is a man and not good with his feelings it didn't work that way. Just after xmas he beat me up whilst i was holding my then not quite 4 years old, and it was the reason for our councilling....oh boy ive never admitted this to anyone.
the councillor was shocked at how i had let him treat me for so long, me saying i love you all the time and him only when it suited him. but as id never been marrried before i thought it was my duty to take the crap and mental abuse he was bestowing upon me, i thought that was what it was to be married, she tought me that im not a punch bag and that if i don't feel like saying i love you thats fine, he knows i love him because i wouldn't still be here if i didn't, but i can see where Ashleen is coming from, but i have to be strong or he will continue to treat me like i am beneath him and he has to stop seeing women as irritating hormonal things which get in his way and are only there to cook clean and give him sex when he wanted, and that was his way of describing what i was to him! so forgive me for being blunt but i am no martyr or anything but i have to be strong and i am so grateful for all my friends on here who give me so much unconditional support xx

127124 tn?1326739035
by have 2 kids, Sep 09, 2010
Honestly it doesn't sound like the counseling has helped.    Why are you staing with him????

1298207 tn?1331681131
by hopefull613, Sep 09, 2010
thats exactly what im say natash thank u i know im young but seen and been through sme real BS i know exactly how u feeling . be all the strong that u can be gurl strength is wat keeps us going...***HUGS***, OH AND JUST READ U STATUS UR DOCTOR IS RIGHT, U NEED TO CHILLAX GURL...

1301836 tn?1305625415
by natashajay, Sep 10, 2010
i guess im staying with him because i love him, and i can't explain it more than that, my councillor wondered why too but accepted that i wanted to make a go of it if DH was willing to try very hard to change, it is hard to change and i know he's giving me no support right now be i have to give it time he can't change over night.

1240856 tn?1333443954
by loved29, Sep 10, 2010
you are the most amazing wife in the world.

1035252 tn?1427231433
by Ashelen, Sep 10, 2010
honey if he beat you, especially with your child there....there is no "love" in this world that should make you stay. you're better than that.

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