All Journal Entries Journals

As the stomach turns

Sep 15, 2010 - 3 comments

Hi it's me again .My pain is so much worse and I am sooo fatigued .I haven't accomplished anything this week .I am pretty sure that I have built up a tolerance to my lortabs .They just are not working anymore .I have an appt. with my PM on the 30th and I hope like hell she switches my meds .I have been on hydrocodone for over a year now so it's not surprising that I have a tolerance .I really wish I could go on a long acting med and just take a few of the pain pills for breakthrough pain .Anything would be better than this .I hate that I sound so pitiful .This is so not like me .I used to be such a vibrant ,active person .My house stayed immaculate .Where did that person go ? It's like it was someone else .That vibrant person left and left me as a hopeless cripple .I can't imagine going through the rest of my life like this .I want my old life back so badly .I wish I had appreciated how good it was at the time .I must make every effort possible to pull myself out of this rut and salvage every thing I can .I know I am blessed in many ways and I need to focus on that instead of how bad things are .I believe attitude is everything  and the attitude I have right now is shortening my life and robbing me of enjoyment .This will be my goal .Positive attitude .Til next time ............

Comments
Post a Comment
Avatar universal
by JadedSweetheart, Sep 15, 2010
I'm sorry to hear your pain is awful and that you are fatigued.  I hope your doctor will give you some options at the next appt.  It sounds very likely that you have built a tolerance to the lortabs.
I know how you feel about life before CP.  I wish I would have realized what I had as well.  I would always get shoulder pain after doing a lot or being awake for a while, but it wasn't constant and would go away after sleep.  Since it's been constant, it really robs me of the quality of life I had.  Even with the meds it doesn't go completely away no matter what I do and it's very frustrating.  I just did folded and put away some laundry and I had to sit down because I was starting to feel nauseated.  I really hate that.  It's so hard to get on a roll with the cleaning when you have to keep stopping.
I hope that things get better for you.  I am always here to listen and lend support.  You've been such a supportive and sweet person to me and I appreciate having you as a friend.
Hang in there!

Avatar universal
by teko, Sep 15, 2010
Awe Im sorry you are feeling so miserable! Is there a way to get your appointment moved up or request they get you in if there is a cancellation? Or even call something in for you? It doesnt seem right tht you should have to endure all this pain. I can do nothing but offer my prayers and support, but those you have. Forget the cleaning, it is not that important. It sounds like you need to take it easy and relax with a good book or a movie. I hope yu feel better soon!

1324871 tn?1288981706
by melissaky, Sep 15, 2010
Thanks so much for the uplifting words ! I am going to take it easy and not let this stuff get to me .I need to be as forgiving to myself as I am to others .I am sometimes my own worst enemy .No one judges me as harshly as I do myself .I took an extra pain pill and that has seemed to help .I also made myself a chocolate milkshake and enjoyed the heck out of it .The fellow that lives on the farm with us came down and straightened up for me and that was so nice of him .So between great friends and some chocolate I have eased my mind and I feel much more positive now .Thanks again dear friends
Melissa

Post a Comment