Sep 17, 2010
I haven't had much to talk about lately so the fact that I'm back means that things aren't going so well. Still stuck at my hell on earth job. I really don't think that I can take it much longer. If I have to ask one more person if they'd like to make it a combo then I think that I'm going to lose my mind! Dad told me that he won't help me with money issues anymore and that's just great. All that pales in comparison to the never ending feeling of loneliness that I still seem to struggle with every day. Watching other people have relationships and seeing other people have normal families seems to be wearing me down as time goes on. In all reality, those may not be thing that I can ever look forward to having so I shouldn't worry about it. I just feel crappy. Sad. Defeated. I don't know the right combination of words to describe the way I feel. Hopeless is another good one. I still have NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!!!! I feel totally worthless. I can't seem to find anything that I can do well!!! If I have nobody in my life that would miss me if I were gone, and I don't have the ability to do anything to make a living at then would taking my own life really be that bad an Idea? It may be the only good decision that I'd ever make.