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Feel Good but Feel Bad

Aug 20, 2008 - 1 comments

Today I got my baby shower favors!! I am so happy about them. And I got two little gifts given to me a "proud mom" pink mug with a teddy bear in it so0o0o cute and a pink photo album. Monday I got my 3D ultrasound done it was so awesome I was impressed! Now I just have to go to the store and grab my pics to put in my shower favors (the one with the frame) I have photos!!
But other than that I am feeling pretty upset. So many of my friends say oh I have to work so I cant make it. Like what the hell!! I told them a month ago, I sent out invitations and they couldn't even be bothered to book the day off? I don't feel cared for from anyone!! Not even my boyfriend. I think I am depressed or something!! I cry a lot. I can never get Dylan to do things for me!! Its been harder on my back to clean the bath tub even thought people keep saying I shouldn't be using the cleaning products anyways but I have been the one who always does all the cleaning and I asked him like almost 2 weeks ago to clean the bath tub for me!! I have been trying to support him with going back to court to get a proper agreement done for his rights to his daughter (and to benifet her of course) and I was still here basically supporting him while he has been on and off of jobs for the past year when I was the one who was working full time until about 3 months and now on E.I/Maternity!!
He doesn't do anything for me, he gets mad every time I tell him to do something around the house, well what do u expect. For the past year it's always been his job to take out the garbage, he can never come home without throwing his stuff all over the place. I ask him to keep his clothes where they go but he never does and even when I ask him to get something for me hes like where is it!! Are you kidding me hes been living with me for a year now if he pays more attention he would know where stuff is!! I just don't get it.
And since I am pregnant and him not doing the easiest stuff and I have been asking him for a year its been so much harder for me. Like I don't have any one else, and I kind of feel like a loser for it!! But you see what I just said about my soo called friends and my family they never call. My step-dad all he does is criticizes and looks at life about the worst of it and so negative when you bring up anything, he wouldn't even give my boyfriend some slack about getting me pregnant all because he didn't ask me to marry him. And my mom she has enough problems of her own. Depression runs in the family and my mom has had it so if I go to her yeah like she will help all she will end up doing is get depressed because I'm depressed.
I keep telling myself to go to a few programs but I keep holding them off then when I want to I end up having a appointment on that day and I keep saying I will call for the free counseling for mothers etc. at the hospital but I keep holding it off.
I have felt alone since I have been in high school. I don't know how to work things out, push myself. Because Dylan isn't really helping me much.
But I feel like I am just letting this happen because I just wont go and do these things. I don't want my baby to see me in this state, I want to be better when she comes into this world.
I have no SUPPORT from my friends well if you wanna call them that or my family!! My Aunt is the one who lives in Toronto and she cant even pick up the phone. My real dad he works just downtown (but lives in Oshawa) and I NEVER here from him.
I finally told him I was pregnant and he didn't even ask me how I feel. He replies like I am some whiled child and says I hope your not around smokers or drinking while I am pregnant. It is like he thinks he knows me, like how dare him even say that to me!!! He cant just never be nice and happy for me. It breaks my heart I haven't seen my brother or sister that is with him since 2004 and really I don't think I will :( I am not even going to bother communicating with him anymore.
The good thing is Dylan finally realized last night how much I am hurting. I need him the most he is my boyfriend I need him here with me and he is suppose to be. I help him out so much so he needs to do the same.
If someone just be here for me then it wouldn't be so bad I will feel better about going to these groups and calling up a counselor.
Like I don't know anyone else who is pregnant except this one girl but she basically shut me out doing god knows what, I'm sure she wouldn't say that, but I guess she has enough problems as it is and her excuse is I don't have money, well I told her what to do I told her and tried to be there for her but she didn't want to make things better and easier for herself and I just feel like no one cares about my friendship.
Well enough for now.

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484470 tn?1226544695
by taken062406, Aug 21, 2008
Oh my gosh girl, I totally know what you are saying.  I have been so stressed out my whole pregnancy that I havent even been able to enjoy it.  And my husband seems to be the same way as your bf.  At first he would help me out.  Which I thought was great.  But at the time he didnt have a job.  So he better help me out.  Well now that he finally found a full time job (first one in a year) he acts like he does SO MUCH for me by working.  give me a break.  I have had a steady job for the 4 years that we have been together.  But that goes unseen now that he is working.  And now that I am getting bigger and more miserable he wont do a dang thing.  It makes me so mad.  And he is always wondering why I am in such a bad mood all of the time.  He acts like it is such a big deal to help me clean or even to get me something to drink.  And another thing that bothers me is that he thinks I should just be this happy go lucky person and he doesnt even realize all the hormones and mood swings that I have.  Oh I could go on forever.  
I totally know how you feel with the depression thing.  I had depression problems before I got pregnant and now it just seems like they have gotten worse.  I lost my dad a year ago on July 4th.  And that is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.  And I am still dealing with it.  One of the last things that he told me before he died was that he wanted a grandchild.  And 6 months after he died I got pregnant.  That kills me so much.  I want more than anything for him to have enjoyed my daughter with me.  But now he isnt here.  and my husband thinks that I should be over losing him already.  But now that I have been pregnant it has gotten so much worse.  I just feel like screaming some days.  My DH hasnt ever lost any one that was close to him.  
And I work with my mom, but it is like as close as we are all the time, she never even asks how I am doing or anything.  and if I say something about how I am feeling she always compares it to her being pregnant and how she dealt with it so I need to get over it.  And she is so wrapped up in her life with her new bf to even care about how I am.  we use to be so close.  it is like she doesnt even want anything to do with her grandchild.  she use to be so involved.  
Then my dh's dad and his step mom are so mean.  when we told them that we were having a baby they seemed to be inconvienced by it.  They dont like and they never have.  I have so many problems with them.  One week we get along and then the next week they are calling my Dh and telling him how horrible I am and all this stupid **** that I supposedly did wrong.  For instance, my mom is throwing me a baby shower at her house and I invited my Dhs step mom to it, but she hates my mom so she started this big huge screaming match between my Dh and his dad, bc i should have the baby shower somewhere else so she could go.  But if my mom was going to be there the witch wouldnt go anyways.  I couldnt believe a baby shower could start such a huge fight.  It is so stupid.  I just wish she could get over herself for one day.  
Ok I better stop I could go on forever.  I am sorry that you are having to go through all of the stupid things that you are dealing with also.  I think a baby should be a happy time.  Good luck to you.  If you ever need to vent send me a message and we can vent together.    

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