Dec 17, 2017
I'm not for sure that I will get around to making the points I want to make with this journal entry. I did want to leave something here that I could come back and review next year at the same time. I noticed something at the end of 2016. On New Years Eve, I watched and listened to friends put "bad' years behind them in the hopes of a "good' year in front of them. It seems natural to want to do that. I realized I had done the same thing dozens of times and it seemed like the "bad" things were what I would define the value of that particular year.
I came into 2017 with no giant expectations. i looked it 2017 as an opportunity to grow as a human being. I wanted to experience everything that was going to happen and I wanted to be able to ACCEPT it as it was, for what it was. I think doing so allowed me to experience things in a different light and I think I learned much more about me than I ever could have otherwise.
Somewhere near the top of the list of things I am most grateful for in 2017 was the break through I had with my genealogy research. I was able to connect with my biological mother's side of the family. I learned that I have 5 half sisters and 1 half brother. I also had the opportunity to get to know most of them.
I didn't go into this research in order to gain new family. What I wanted was just some answers to some of the questions nobody could answer for me. Being able to look at blood relatives for the first time in 50 years (besides my own children) just set my mind at ease. Yeah, I looked a bit like most of them. I acted like most of them and I was grateful that all of them were kind enough to let me have some of their time to just sit and ask some questions. This was probably the high light of my year. Having life long questions answered set my mind at ease and I think that opened the door for so many other things.
I learned more about forgiveness. I learned more about acceptance. I learned more about love. All of this opened my eyes just that much more wide and learning/ personal growth came at me from every angle in life.
I was taught from an early age that I "had" to take a side in things. Society says that you are either with me or against me and I learned that some things just aren't that important. I learned that we are all more "together' than we are apart and I wasn't going to let other peoples words or opinions define who I am. I learned that I am truly far more flexible in my beliefs than I thought I was. I also learned that I have been asked many times to draw a line in the sand and take a stand on things that I didn't take a stand on.... like your opinions, for instance. We are all individuals. We are all in charge of only our lives and how you go about that life will determine what kind of year you have.
If you spend the entire year "fighting", you're going to find yourself in a lot of fights. If you allow yourself the opportunity to accept, you do accept and you do learn and you do become a better person.
Because of acceptance, I learned that I could let things go. I learned things are exactly as they are supposed to be. I learned that I could mend bridges and fences that I wanted to mend and had the wisdom to leave some of these things just as I left them.
Going into 2018, I want to be more aware of open doors. I want experience more. I want to learn more. I want to grow more. Most importantly, I want that for other people. It's truly a gift and we all have it inside of us.