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Smarten up

Jan 08, 2018 - 6 comments

Omg......i am scared of myself sometimes.

I am so disconnected.  the stuff in my head won’t come out.

I have this “feeling” of ........ just hang on to the end.  Like the end is near.  it’s something I think about every day.

I have no joy..... not trying to me dramatic.....but it’s a real I’m numb, to everything.  

I am so sick of this life.  If this were a real movie, I would have some terrible tragedy happen, then I would appreciate what I had before tragedy and really regret my state of mind now.

I am just tired and there’s nothing that I want.

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Avatar universal
by 10356, Jan 08, 2018
Hi Janice

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.. I thought of you many times thru this adventure into PTS. I thought of you and your talent and wit your kindness made my heart sing for love for you.. I'm sending a Prayer too the Creator as I type that it does not take a tragedy our any great upheaval for you to feel the love.. Sending mine Friend, Lesa

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by Jade59, Jan 08, 2018
J...I understand this journal so well it's scary.  I, too, feel like I am just hanging on til the end.  Every day of my life I have thought that.  I wish the end were near, but unfortunately, I can't possibly know when that will actually be.  If I knew, then I 'might' feel some hope.  

Lesa...Welcome back!! I've missed you So much!

Much love to both you ladies~

Avatar universal
by Belle313, Jan 08, 2018
I’m so sorry to hear how your feeling. I too hope you don’t have to go thru tragic times to feel joy & love in your heart. From experience, it doesn’t always make you feel better to endure a tragedy. I hope this feeling passes and is replaced by something positive. Keep your mind and heart open.
Sending you a great big hug and lots of love.

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by Jade59, Jan 08, 2018
Unfortunately, and as you know, I *did* have something tragic happen in my life, but it didn't change me or make me appreciate how life was 'before', and that is because there is something innately wrong with me.  Hugs to you J. xo

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by spider6, Jan 08, 2018
Oh god, you guys....thank you for taking your time and giving it to me.  I love you all.  I’m sorry....yes I have thought of you Jade, and Lesa, and so many others here because comparably I should be ashamed to feel this way and say these things.  I want to say more but I’m actually going to bed right now.  It is 6:30pm....Jade....yes we live so emotionally parallel its freaky!  I will write when I get up in a few hours.  Hope R had good news today Jade.....Lesa....I hope PTS is waning Belle, hope your life is going great.

I’m a lumpy bump. I’m taking my hump upstairs now.
Love to you all. Xoxoxoxoxo

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by Jade59, Jan 08, 2018
Like me, you can't help how you feel, J.  It's simply not a feeling you can wish away.  Or look at others situations and think why can't I appreciate mine which isn't nearly as bad.  Our feeling are what they are.  Love you.  Sleep well. xo

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