Jun 29, 2018
I think the moon is kickin my ash. I’m so disconnected to everyone and everything. God, this is such a problem. At least once a day I think my exit would just make life so much easier for so many.
It’s to the point where I feel guilty just taking up breathing space. I think someone else, anyone else, so many else’s deserve the real estate. I feel like a failure. Fack, is this some midlife crisis shite? It’s always something with me.
That’s how I feel .... embarrassed because it’s always something. I just want to not give a shite and be numb. When I was really young and couldn’t handle my “head”, I used to think that a lobotomy would be ideal...... no, I know better now.
I can’t deal with my thoughts about ...... you name it. .... actually it’ all about ME. It always is.
Hub and I did mushrooms on Father’s Day weekend. Was hoping it would be therapeutic.. turns out i should have taken waaaay more if I wanted that effect. It was so hot that day. Uggghhhhh we couldn’t even go outside as it was 95 Fahrenheit.........so we stayed inside and each of us took a couch and we laughed sporadically through the next 5 hours. it was alright, ..... certainly wasn’t life changing. I’m not fond of them at all.
I’m stuck in “Cinderella” mode ......dammm,...........speaking of which.....the critters are all calling me, ......not in a good way like as if they made dinner or anything believe me............. I’m a slave to them. Wtf did i do in my last life to feel so burdened by these little beasts.... I don’t know, but it’s just another thing to feel guilty about. I’m so sick of being nurse, nanny, hazel and caretaker.