Jul 22, 2018
Tonight I watched another beautiful sunset and gave thanks to the universe for the opportunity. The colors of the sunset were unbelievable. I could hear the gentle breeze rushing through the tall pasture grass. I could smell and taste the cooler fresh air setting in. I just stood there on a bridge that spans one of the creeks on at work and I almost felt selfish for not being able to share this experience with anyone else.
I looked down the bank of the creek and saw a trout rise. I caught the reflection of the last remnants of color in the partially cloudy sky and understood how lucky I am to be where I am.
Other people facing the same battles I have didn't get the opportunity I did. They didn't have the chance to see another day. Why did I have the strength, energy or power to keep going while they succumbed to the pressure of facing another day in grief?
As I walked back to the work vehicle, I remember my struggles. I remember wanting so bad to just fall asleep and not wake up. But even my sleep time was full of stress and anxiety. I couldn't help but think about the things that went wrong, and what the consequences might be for something left undone. I could lie in bed for 8 hours and feel as if I had 10 minutes of sleep, and then it was back to the coal mines facing the same mundane routine, expecting the same lame results, and I got them every time.
I shook off that feeling when I put the car in drive. Looking to the south, I could see Munger mountain. Different shades of green as far as the eye could see, and everything was alive.
I am alive, and I am grateful.