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Sep 29, 2018 - 1 comments

Omg, I just have no time these days.  I am even behind on reading journals.  

This life of mine is no longer mine.  I live and work for the animals and as a service worker for family and friends I guess.  It has been remarkably hard.  Everyday i go through every possible emotion imaginable.  

I don’t know how family does this for loved ones...(Rena) it’s so Fukien  hard.  

I have been having terrible bowel issues in the mornings which can last up to 4 hours some days.  The pain is terrible ..... I can’t describe the pain... well maybe if you’ve been in child labour... it’s similar.  It makes me vomit it’s so bad some days.  All the while praying that the animals don’t have to go outside until I’m done.  Daily nightmare.  I was so afraid to eat anything last week.  Back down to 95 pounds.  It’s gross.

Sophie dog is hanging on for 5 friggin months now.  To the point where she is pooing and peeing all over the place ...daily .....numerous times.  A lot of carrying up and down the stairs.  She won’t eat her food now.....the medicine is getting harder to administer.  The older bigger dogs are not great either....the one looks like a really bad taxidermy job.  Well they all do really.  

I just can’t bring myself to a) make an actual appt. to have her put down.....b) anticipate the appt.  c) actually drive her to the appt.  omg.... it’s just too much.  I just want her to die in her sleep, like now.

It has been so depressing for me.  Very hard.  Too long. Too much.

I love you guys that know who you are, and I miss you all very much.

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242912 tn?1402543492
by Jade59, Sep 29, 2018
Hey girl, first, Sophie.  Can you get in touch with a Home Euthanasia service?  You don't have to commit to anything, but they will stay on stand by for you.  For as long as it takes, and whenever YOU are ready.  No appt, no anticipation, just the day you know it's 'time', then you call, and they will come that day or the next, whenever you want.  That's how it worked here, and for Jade.  It was expensive, but the best decision we ever made.  Money on the credit card, but it was worth going into a little debt for.  I made the decision the day Jade couldn't keep ANY food down.  I knew it was time.  I know, too, it's probably you and you only who has to make the decision.  Makes you feel very alone.  But you're not alone, you have me/us here.  I'm so very sorry you're going through this.  

Sounds like you might have a blockage, Janice.  You should really see your dr because that's nothing to fool around with.  OR you're just backed up, and need some Senna Plus.  Stool softener plus lax.  There must be something of the same in Canada although likely under a different name.  

My heart is with you honey.  You sound more stressed out than ever.  Thanks for the mention too.  At least I only have R to worry about.  I can't imagine throwing in worry for an animal on top of everything else.  

Sending love, hugs and strength! xoxo

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