Sep 29, 2018
Omg, I just have no time these days. I am even behind on reading journals.
This life of mine is no longer mine. I live and work for the animals and as a service worker for family and friends I guess. It has been remarkably hard. Everyday i go through every possible emotion imaginable.
I don’t know how family does this for loved ones...(Rena) it’s so Fukien hard.
I have been having terrible bowel issues in the mornings which can last up to 4 hours some days. The pain is terrible ..... I can’t describe the pain... well maybe if you’ve been in child labour... it’s similar. It makes me vomit it’s so bad some days. All the while praying that the animals don’t have to go outside until I’m done. Daily nightmare. I was so afraid to eat anything last week. Back down to 95 pounds. It’s gross.
Sophie dog is hanging on for 5 friggin months now. To the point where she is pooing and peeing all over the place ...daily .....numerous times. A lot of carrying up and down the stairs. She won’t eat her food now.....the medicine is getting harder to administer. The older bigger dogs are not great either....the one looks like a really bad taxidermy job. Well they all do really.
I just can’t bring myself to a) make an actual appt. to have her put down.....b) anticipate the appt. c) actually drive her to the appt. omg.... it’s just too much. I just want her to die in her sleep, like now.
It has been so depressing for me. Very hard. Too long. Too much.
I love you guys that know who you are, and I miss you all very much.