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What Is Wrong With Me?

Apr 03, 2019 - 0 comments

Hello, I hope that someone, anyone can help me here, give me some advice.  I have been worried about my own state of health for quite sometime.  In addition, when it comes to making an appointment to go to a doctor for a physical exam I keep putting it off.  My last check-up was last September of ‘17 but it only covers so much by my primary care physician so I always knew what to expect.  But shortly after my last appointment with her I have been thinking about it and I’ve come to the conclusion that my doctor is really not for me.  For the past two to three years when I went to my Doctor for my exam I would mention my concerns and she did not pay any attention to me.  It was as if she let it go in one ear and out the other and that is wasting my time, my energy, my vocal chords and my very life force.  I receive benefits through the state of where I reside due to the fact that I have things wrong with me mentally, emotionally but I also have things wrong with me physically too.  There are people that understand but unfortunately, there are other people that do not.  I have dealt with bullies they do not like it and I am not the only one that has gone and continues to go through that kind of negative, cruel treatment.  People can be overly judgmental and critical as well as habitually accusatory.  I believe my doctor is one of those people, she has made references in the past and I can tell by what she has said she did not want me to be approved for the benefits that I have been living on for quite sometime.  I have already called Medicaid as well as Medicare last year and asked if I could go see another doctor.  They were very nice and let me know that I could go see another doctor anytime I wanted to.  I did have an appointment made at another clinic just before Easter but I cancelled it and I said that I would call to reschedule later but so far, I have not.  I’m not finished with the paperwork that was sent to me through the mail and I need to make a list of questions as well as a list of medicines, medications and I guess vitamins that I have been taking whether it is prescription or over-the-counter.  

Anymore when a person needs to see a doctor you practically have to write a book when it comes to the forms that they either send to you by mail or what they give to you at the front desk to fill out.  I struggle with Depression, OCD, Anxieties, Mood Swing Disorders, and Fibromyalgia.  I do not have 20/20 vision and as time goes on my prescription, glasses have had to be updated and changed.  My eye doctor has already found early signs of cataracts in my eyes as far back as 2010 so that will have to be dealt with in 20 to 30 years.  I have dealt with burst blood vessels in my eyes, a freckle in the back of my left eye, an eye infection, and eye dryness to where the doctor has prescribed Restasis for me.  I have to wear sunglasses with protection at the sides because my eyes have become more sensitive to the sunlight as I get older.  I have sensitive skin, eyes, teeth, sensitive scalp, and problem hair.  I have allergies, sinuses, headaches, migraines, as well as some parts of my body that have dry skin.  I have dealt with rashes, hives and itchy skin, I feel sinus pressure and pain in my head, face, in my ears and even behind my ears and the back of my head and neck.  Whether any of the pain and pressure I am feeling is due to sinus, I do not know.  In my life, I have had colds, flu, viruses, sore throat as well as strep throat and a sinus infection.  In addition, I hate the way I feel when I am sick aside from taking meds. For it over the counter, there have been prescriptions too.  A Z-Pack, Pres. Cough Syrup, Bactroban for a sore/lesion in my nose, a Prescription cream for a skin rash that I had once on my chest.  Aside from suffering an allergic reaction to Vitamin D which caused me to suffer from hives and I was given a painful steroid shot in my arm as well as taking Benadryl for quite a long while before the hives finally left me alone.   I was taking Singulair but I stopped last year because I woke up every morning with a headache and I already suffer from headaches enough as it is.  In the past, I have been on the anti-depressant roller coaster and it did not matter how long I took each medication.  I was not feeling any better in fact I felt worse, I was an easy target for many of the ill side effects.  

They were ruining my life and I was not getting anywhere, I never felt right taking them.  I finally stopped taking anti-depressants in the summer of 2009 and I never looked back.  I even tried Buspar in ‘13 for anxieties and that was a mistake, I got the prescription filled on a Friday and I wound up sick the whole weekend.  All I could do was lie down, cover up because I felt sick, nauseas and then get to the bathroom as quick as I could because I found myself throwing up, vomiting.  In addition, it contributed to the hives, the itching so I had no choice but to stop taking Buspar.  In addition, I was glad because as with any pres. Med. Any doctor had me on to where I was feeling worse than what I was feeling before.  I just wanted to feel normal again; I wanted to feel like me.  My energy level is not what it used to be, it is not where it should be.  I just do not have the get up and go as I used to have and it was not that long ago that I did.  Another thing that I have noticed about myself is that I cannot get enough sleep.  I am a night bird, a night owl I do like to stay up late but I can’t stay up I find myself falling asleep or dozing in and out.  There have been many times that I take a nap for a couple or 3-4 hours during the day.  I cannot keep up with anything anymore, I run late for doctor appointments, counseling sessions there have been times I have missed the bus and I end up having to call a cab.  Alternatively, ask a friend of mine that lives here in the neighborhood to give me ride to my appointment.  In addition, if the taxi service has appointments already they cannot come and pick me up then the counseling session has to be rescheduled.  The cab company where I live runs a lot differently here because I live in a small town.  I have even run late and kept my parents as well as my family waiting, I just cannot get ready in time.  It takes too long, I’m not motivated, I’m not productive, I don’t feel like I used to and I don’t understand myself.  I am in my early 40’s, I am 45 years old and sadly, my 20’s and 30’s are done gone.  I cannot get that time in my life back, those days are over and it is really hurting me.  You do not know how badly I wish I could go back I wish we all could.  If all of us, our world could be given a second chance.  To right some wrongs to avoid choices and decisions that led to dreadful mistakes and regrets.  

I have also struggled with urinary frequency I noticed that in ‘13, I had been diagnosed with a urinary tract infection.  I have had blood work, urinalysis and even an ultra sound over the years and my only option is to go to see an Urologist.  I also deal with irregularity, bloating, constipation, gas, upset stomach at times; I try to drink plenty of water.  I find myself having to urinate more about 30 minutes, less than an hour after I have had a bowel movement.  Then it will happen a few times more anywhere between an hour to two hours later.  Anytime I do use the bathroom I feel so much better, greatly relieved.  Although there are times where I feel that I need to urinate but it does not build up and it stays with me for a long time in a day but by the time the evening comes around it has ran its course.  I have had no leakage or accidents but I have also got used to holding it when I go somewhere because I do not like using public restrooms.  Because they are not healthy, it is not like using my own bathroom at home.  I fear coming into contact with germs, bacteria and maybe even disease.  Which I have heard or read that a person can be infected with certain things using a public restroom unless one takes the necessary precautions.  Such as toilet seat covers and since those do not cover the whole seat, I have also used long strips of toilet paper.  However, I am still careful how I sit down and I do not sit down all the way.  I can also hold it while I sleep for example I can be really tired and so sleepy but I also need to use the bathroom to urinate.  At the same time, I just want to lie down or stretch out and go to sleep for a while.  Therefore, I would rather sleep because there are times I cannot stand to have to go to the bathroom.  I can hardly stand to drink a milkshake because I feel so full as if a basketball has been stuffed in my stomach.  I did not always have that problem; I have taken Tums or Alka-Seltzer Relief Chews, generic brand of Gas-X Extra Strength.  I am allergic to Penicillin and a whole Vitamin D pill/capsule.

When I use my laptop during the day, I have no problems.  However, once the sun goes down and I get online something is going wrong with my vision.  This started either the last part of 2017 or the early part of 2018.  I have no desk so my workstation is the kitchen table; we have lights up in the ceiling in our home.  I heard sometime ago that those kinds of lights could hurt a person’s eyes especially when there is a computer/laptop in use.  I did not know that and we have been living here almost twelve years, I started turning the kitchen lights off earlier this year.  However, it really does not make a difference at night; it gets to the point where my vision gets blurry.  I wear prescription glasses and I am sitting up and looking down at my laptop as I am using it.  We have a computer room here so if I am not using my laptop there are a few times I use the computer in there.  The computer is on a desk and there is the matching chair so I have noticed that it does make a difference for the better.  However, my eyes feeling strain and the blurred vision I cannot help but worry.  My yearly eye exam will not be until later in the fall so I will mention it to my eye doctor then.  There have been a few times that I have used my heating pad to aid in treating headaches.  I have held it on my face, forehead and the back of my head and neck.  I would alternate by holding it in one area for a while and then move it to another and so on and so on.  Because whatever over-the-counter medicine I took to treat a headache, it did not help.  For headaches, migraines, muscle soreness, aches and pains and sinus pressure I took Tylenol (Acetaminophen), Ibuprofen, Lodine (prescription for Fibromyalgia to take only when necessary), and Pamprin Max. Strength.  The original or a generic brand and also Advil Allergy & Congestion Relief or Advil Sinus Congestion & Pain.  I have noticed if I chew gum, it causes a headache, sinus pressure and pain.  I also take Excedrin Migraine or the generic brand, Aspirin, Tylenol Sinus Severe, Benadryl or the generic brand.  I also take Dramamine Original Formula for motion sickness.  Since the early part of 2016, I have been doing a Sinus Rinse once a day or sometimes twice.  In November '18, I had to go to the emergency room because I was experiencing some discomfort on the right side of my mouth.  I was diagnosed with Stomatitis and prescribed Clindamycin and Nystatin to take every six hours.  At the end of October '18, I went to see my eye doctor for my annual eye exam and I discussed my eye concerns with her.  I told her that I had slacked off using the Restasis every 12 hours, which would explain the tired, dry, blurry vision in my eyes.  Therefore, I am back using Restasis on a regular basis and my prescription glasses also had to be updated.  I have been wearing the new prescription for my glasses since November the 7nth.  
I am to use only when necessary preservative-free lubricant eye drops in sterile single-use vials.  My lips have a tendency to be dry and chapped; I have also had a habit of biting my lips too.  I have noticed that my toes have dry, chapped skin around the toenails and on the back of my toes as well.  I am struggling with hair loss, shedding, and receding hairline and for the longest time my hair has not been growing as it used to, the way it should be.  The growing process has slowed down and I don’t know why?  I don’t know how many lint rollers I have bought, used and went through to go over my clothes thoroughly before I prepare food to eat.  The hair is coming out in my hairbrush, it’s in the bathroom sink, in the shower and it gets oily around the front of my hair within a couple of days after washing it.  I started noticing there was something about my hair that had changed probably sometime in ‘10 or ‘11.  I found out the hard way that using conditioners all throughout my hair was a mistake.  My hair is not thick or naturally curly; it is straight and baby fine.  Because I struggle with depression, OCD and anxieties, I do not shower and wash my hair as often as I should, as I used to.  I’m not happy with my bathroom, I cannot afford to do any remodeling, and we can’t afford to move either.  I do not know why I am struggling with my hair.  My mother is not having these problems and I do not know of any other woman in our family on either side that has ever been known for suffering hair loss.  I have been noticing that my menstrual cycles keep starting earlier and earlier.  Especially since August of this year:  August 22, September 16nth, October 12 and November 6.  I have had many problems with my menstrual cycles ever since I started menstruating when I was twelve years old.  I do not know if I am going through the early stages of menopause or premenopause.  At this recent stage of my life, dealing with menstrual cramps it doesn’t matter what I take for them they don’t let up until they are ready to do so on their own.  Unless I use a heating pad, I have a hot water bottle but I have yet to use it.  I have also been struggling with forgetfulness I can just do something and just like that, I forget.  I can forget names of things, people and I have to concentrate and it will come back to me later.  Therefore, to be on the safe side I have to write certain things down to keep record of it.  I have a problem with typing too where I constantly end up typing words backwards.  I find myself at times hitting the backspace key or the delete button.  Sometimes some words the letters in the middle will correct themselves when I am on Microsoft Works Word Processor.  Then at other times, I have a problem just hitting the wrong keys so I have to make corrections.  

I constantly feel like there is clutter in my mind because there is always so much activity in my mind.  I have uncontrolled thoughts.  I just want to know if there is anything wrong with me.  I am really worried and afraid that I could have something wrong with me that is life altering.  In addition, if I do have anything wrong with me that it is not anything more that what I am already dealing with.  However, if there is something wrong that it can be dealt with medication and it is hopefully nothing serious or life threatening.  Thank you.

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