9 Years of PTSD/Anxiety

It's been a minute. I was randomly thinking of this site last night and remembered how helpful it was when I was in the thick of my mental breakdown.

That was over 9 years ago!

At that time I was terrified, not sleeping, panicking all the time, felt like I was in a dream, was either crying or not feeling anything, couldn't see straight, couldn't function, and I couldn't even return to my apartment so I was sleeping on my parents couch. I thought my life was ruined and I would never be okay again. I searched here for a cure, because that's what I wanted. That's what I NEEDED.

But I didn't find a cure, I didn't find any easy way out of the dark or a quick fix. That was frustrating. I wanted someone to tell me I would be okay and I would be okay now. I wanted a definitive answer on when things would get better and that I would be back to my normal self again, and I just couldn't find that. I was frantic and scared and it was such an awful time.

But now that I'm over 9 years down the line, I get it. There is no cure, no quick fix, and it takes work. I am not the same person I was, and I never will be.

BUT THAT'S OKAY.

I'm okay. I got better and found a new normal. I can count the amount of really bad panic attacks I've had in the last few years on one hand. That seemed unfathomable back when I was drowning in them.

So I guess if you're looking for hope; it's there. You will be okay again, the world will make sense and you will find your new normal. Just hang in there.