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a few "words" to make everyone laugh/smile or feel better in general

Aug 22, 2008 - 0 comments

"I'm not offended by all the dumb  blonde jokes because I know I'm not  dumb . . and I'm also not blonde."   -Dolly Parton-
"I suffer from M.A.D.D. - Mommy Attention Deficit Disorder."                                          ~Raenita
"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.                                                                                                ~Erma Bombeck
"Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life."
~ Author Unknown
"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. "
~Peter De Vries
"If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylum would be filled with mothers."
~Edgar Watson Howe
"The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn't getting enough sleep."
~ John Fiebig
"I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids."
"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going."
~ Phyllis Diller
"Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare."
~Ed Asner
"Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that."  Golda Meir
"Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young." ~ Author Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." ~ Calvin Trillin
"My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia."- Dame Edna Everage(omg this was absolutely hilarious to me!!!)
"I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, 'Steven, time to go to sleep.' I said, 'But I don't know how.' She said, 'It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left.' So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said 'I thought I told you to go to sleep.'"
Steven Wright
"My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father."Wendy Liebman(ok, sorry but another i am STILL rolling over!)
"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"Paula Poundstone(my mom told me the same thing....and that's how i learned lol...when i first found this quote, i put it in a list of quotes for momsday)
"My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh."Bob Monkhouse(another that went into my mom's mothers day card lol)
"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property." -Joan Rivers
Children seldom misquote you. They more often repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. -Mae Maloo

lol, i busted out on ALOT of these...i hope someone else smiled half as much as i did....if the elctricity went out across america, a mother's smile of love would still light the way home ;)  *i made that "line" up all by myself just now* ;)

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