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Insite and loss - me the survior or not ?

Sep 29, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

loss

,

or not

,

Depression

,

Life



There has been so many changes in the last few months - I had a second meltdown - and reveled the ugly truth that  the 10 year sexual abuse I went thru from my sister and a neighbor and her father was repeated in my adult years by a teacher who used me when I was vunerable!! - having lost my job my self worth and feeling like a piece of crap!  {and she knew it as we (my re-traing class) - had to do an essay on how we felt} - She groomed me and set me up,(in class) to allow her to be the sexual repeat of my sisters abuse. - the similarities are striking - 10 years - demand to do as your told - threats- coercion to continue - using the authority position to gain control and hold power - and even though I was an adult -  I still had the thoughts of the 14 year old !
I did not have a choice once this started - I went in to DID and had someone else living my "normal life" while this perversion went on! - Major stress -fear -  loss and total lack of knowledge of what went on for 10 years,  overloaded me - it was either find the truth or end it all! - to my counselor credit I had gained enough of me not to end it all - but it was touch and go, - it still is, - there is some major depression swirling around and I am fighting hard to not let it get me - every day is one day closer to salvation - or the end -  who knows -


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