Oct 08, 2010
Sometimes things have to fall apart to fall into place. I read that on someone facebook today. Love the sentiment and I believe it's true. Of course it hard to see that sometimes the falling apart is part of a bigger picture that will ultimately put things right, especially when you are in the middle of it all.
I was reading a post from someone on the blog about her symptoms. Classic MS from head to toe. She was undiagnosed and of course I am not a doctor but my mind went immediately to the probability that she had MS and what that would mean to her life. How do you respond to that with reassurance, yet be truthful and encourage them to continue to get a dx? It just brought me back to that time just a couple of months ago when I was undx and could only think the worst. Now after dx I can see that things can get back to a new normal and I can go the majority of the day without thinking about my disease. Time doesn't take it all away but it sure helps dull the emotions and feelings of it all.
I jogged yesterday. It wasn't intentional. Actually I just went for a walk but it was so beautiful and I felt so good that I began jogging. All in all perhaps I jogged 2 miles? I walked even further than that. All during the experience I was very mindful of any "MS" sensations that would be a signal for me to stop. None came. I never got overheated, no numbness, no nothing reallly. And it felt really good to exercise in a way that I hadn't in such a long time. Gosh, there were mornings years ago when I would run for a good hour or more. I am not planning on doing this like I did in the past with runs 5 days out of the week, just occasionally here and there when I feel the mood strike me. Anyway, the jogging got me back into the habit of talking with God while I run. We had a great old conversation that I very much enjoyed.
Today our house gets inspected. Hummm, feeling a bit anxious about that. Having someone here for 4 hours looking at every little thing can produce some anxiety. Still I am thinking that if there were something majorly wrong with our house or something in it, I would know. I am dropping the dogs off at doggie day care so that I can do my normal Friday obligations with the vball team and their meal. Today I am also having lunch with an old friend that I haven't been able to spend time with since the last school year ended. She knows nothing about us moving or about my health situation. Safe to say she will be a bit shocked.
This week at BSF I told a friend we were moving. The look on her face was almost scary. She assumed we were moving out of Dallas and her expression almost looked panicked. It's been interesting seeing people responses to our move. Some are very excited, some are extremely negative (one of my friends says that is jealously I am seeing), and some are just completely confused about the whole thing. One friend said, "You just don't see people our age with kids in high school moving to a new house within the same district." Humm, not sure I liked the "our age" reference but I guess I can see her point. And I gotta say that if this new house didn't speak to us, we would be staying put.
I referenced sometimes facing extreme stress in my last journal entry. You cannot buy and attempt to sell a house in an economy like this and not face some extreme stress. It's just not possible. When I am awake I mentally attempt to slow my breathing, pray, relax my body and somewhat divert my thinking away from what is streesing me. Unfortunately that doesn't work so well when I am sleeping. Ever since I can remember I have had a problem at night grinding my teeth, hence I usually wear a mouth guard. But I also dig my fingers into my palms and sometimes even slowly over the course of hours bite the tip of my tongue until the pain wakes me up. It's freaky and it's something that is beyond my control. And it concerns me b/c all my relapses symptoms from my 20's until now have presented themselves when I have gotten out of bed in the morning. Clearly something is happening in the night while I am sleeping that is setting my body off. I haven't figured out what I am going to do about it yet, or even if I can do anything about it, it's just a realization that that's a critical time when my body is not managing the stress well.
This morning I will be working out in the yard and of couse straightening the house. The comments from the tours of realtors that have come through have been interesting. Afew have not really liked the exterior and have rated it "fair" when their choice were, excellent, good, fair and poor. Wow, I really don't like that especially since I love working in the yard and work hard to keep it looking good. Our realtor says it's nothing to do with the landscaping or the care of the house it just that some don't like the outside configuration of it. Hum. Still not liking their responses. Almost all have uniformly said our backyard is "excellent". I have to admit it is like an oasis out there especially the pool. Very relaxing. Some have suggested staging the house (NO thank you) and/or rearranging the furniture. I am thinking they are looking for perfection and forget that people actually live here and not on a stage. All in all some of the comments were deflating b/c I think our house is great looking inside and out and very clean and well cared for. As a friend of mine said who is in real estate, "WTF, you have a contract on the house with only 10 days on the market, the house speaks for itself." By the way if you don't know wtf means I am not going to explain it to you.
By the time the inspection is over and I get the dogs back home it will be too late to see the kids vball game. Bummer. Each time I miss something due to this move I think it's going to be the last thing I miss as things keep moving but it never is. This time I hope that it really is the last thing I miss.