Oct 15, 2010
I feel like I've been so lucky, and I don't know how I've kept my addiction a secret for so long. I tried to tell my best friend and she didn't understand. Our relationship is ruined and she is stubborn to see this as a disease. I have wanted a child for as long as I can remember and I'm getting closer and closer to the age I want to start a family. I have an amazing supportive boyfriend and I couldn't ask anything more from him. I feel like time is running out and so is my luck. I feel like my dependency will eventually catch up to me if I don't do something, like yesterday! I'm graduating college in the spring with a bachelors degree in psychology and I hope to find a good job. Right now I'm low on money and I feel guilty that I spend money on prescription drugs I may not necessarily need. I fear that I will never be able to kick my addiction and that I will lose my boyfriend and never be able to find someone to start a family with. And if somehow I remain a functional addict I fear that it will interfere with becoming pregnant. I know the addicted brain takes several years to heal and return to normal or some semblance of normal, whatever that may be. Am I alone on this? Does anyone else have the same anxiety? I feel like my luck is running out. I need to stop and stop for good.