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Dont know what to do?

Oct 18, 2010 - 5 comments

Ok so me and my husband sister is very close, shes 25 have a ok job, now living with her father and things seemed to be alright...

Well that was until 3 months ago or so she found out she was pregnant out of wetlock, meaning the man was a one timer and is no more...

the family totally dnt agree with abortions so it wasnt hard talking her out of that, problem is now she wants to give her baby up for adoption and it hurts me that she can even think of that with her past..

my husband and her was in the foster care when they was young and was about to get adopted by people they hated if there father didnt come back and took them out...

Im so disappointed in the fact that she is not in a hopeless situation and between her and her father can truly afford raising this baby... why does the baby have to suffer because u decided u didnt want to use protection and take responsibliity for ur actions...

Me and husband talked, and Now we are in a situation where we may take the baby...

You see we feel like later she will regret the decision and if she do she can easily come get whats hers, but not only that, we feel that we can provide the baby what he/she needs and its better for the baby to have a family that he/she know and still close to momma....

ARE WE MAKING A BAD DECISION?????? MY HEART CANT JUST LET THIS PRECIOUS GIFT FROM GOD GO TO JUST ANYONE...

Comments
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865566 tn?1356700362
by GiGiGiGi, Oct 18, 2010
Wow - what a tough situation.  Your SIL is very lucky to have you in her life.  I would approach her to see how she feels about it, but I think if it were me, I would leave the ultimate decision up to her and not pressure her.  

I know where I live there are organizations that allow the birth mom to choose her baby's adoptive parents, either for open or closed adoptions, so a baby to be put up for adoption wouldnt go to just anyone, and it would not go to someone who the birth parent hated.  As well, think of all the wonderful women on medhelp who would give anything to hold that little baby in their arms and treasure the gift that they are unable to have on their own.  They would be able to give him/her the life that your SIL may not be able to - and Im not just talking financially, I am thinking of support, care,  love, etc.

So, my advice would be to tell her that you will take the baby if she would prefer that, but ultimately let her make the decision for her child.  If she opts for adoption, help her  to find an agency that will help her to locate just the right adoptive parents.

Just my opinion...

g

1212800 tn?1329092989
by l0st_child, Oct 18, 2010
"sigh" your right, maybe I do have to stop trying to save people out there situation.....

1298207 tn?1331677531
by hopefull613, Oct 18, 2010
tough situation...if her fear is being able too provide for the baby mayb u lot should suggest that u help her out so she dont feel like she has to do it all on her own, i kno its not ur responsibilty but at the end of the day u r familly i wud do the same for mine....

1330108 tn?1333677304
by SunWorshiper_26, Oct 18, 2010
Adoption is a wonderful gift that someone can give a person. I think just because you know of one bad experience it doesn't make every adoption a bad experience. Adoption truly is a beautiful gift. Plus you have to think what happens if you love and raise this child and then she comes back for her baby later after you have bonded. What is that going to do to the relationship?

1212800 tn?1329092989
by l0st_child, Oct 18, 2010
Thanks for the comments, Its not that I think adoption is bad i really dnt....just later on the child will wonder why his parents let them go and why no one did anything... my problem is that there is absolutely no reason to give the child up for adoption and im afraid she just doing it out of anger and will regret later...And I feel like knowing the situation if I didnt try then what kind of friend or family member am i....My husband is handeling this harder then I am....

I always lived by do to others what u would like them to do to u, and in my heart if I was in the same situation I would want someone to snap some sence in my head or at least help...

I do understand though that this is a battle I cant win, and its up to the mother to make the final decision.. its hard but u guys are right I need to stay out besides I have my own pregnancy I have to work with....

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