Jan 08, 2008
I suck!! I've been too embarrased too reply to my friends here in the forum because I was ashamed to admit I fell off the proverbial wagon around Christmas. I have many emails from other concerned friends here that I'm just now responding to. I am starting my taper over and getting back on track, but I am still ashamed of myself!
It was so hard with my son so far away and Ashley spending it at here dad's...again! then Rob (hubby) had to go to Portland area (our office for work is down there) and last summer I saw that there had been some flirtation between him and a 22 yr old "office girl". I mean, geez, I am 41 and still look pretty good, I think anyway. It hurt my pride mostly. I know there was nothing serious, but we've had a pretty bad couple of years and it hurt me to the core because during that time is when my seizures got serious, (I found out that on May 31 while i was in the hospital after ashley called 911 because I had my first grand mal, he was actually out having a drink with her! I was so pissed! We supposedly "working on our marriage" from prior "issues" I still hadn't recovered from. So I felt a little insecure while he was down there, I typically go with him these days, just because, but with ashley being out of school I wanted to be here for her.
Then new Years Eve, Rob spent the whole day at the card room, which was fine, but I did think we would at least go to dinner together, but he didn't come home until 11:30 pm...then Ashley called and said that a parent of a friend had called the police because of the party she was at and we needed to go get her! It was all just so overwhelming those two weeks, my head was spinning!!
Anyway, I'm back and ready to put my life back in place and start from scratch!
Thank you all for your concern, your emails really help me alot. Although Rob is trying to be supportive, he doesn't understand it...I didn't even tell him I screwed up, I was afraid he'd see that as weakness and I couldn't handle that right now! I have already been disgusted with myself, I don't want to let anyone else down!
Much love to you all,
Feel A Hug!