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Breast Fed Babies / Formula Babies

Oct 21, 2010 - 20 comments

Ok, I'm not a Dr or scientist or anything like that. But I am a mom who has been on both sides of this fence and I have seen so many debates on this topic and it drives me crazy how everyone seems to think it has to be one way or the other. Here is what I have discovered in my own personal experience... .despite what Dr.s or anyone else says.....


First off I have 2 teens who are 15 and 16 and 1 infant who is 9 months. My teens were formula fed and my infant is being breast fed.

The older two started sleeping  through the night at 2 months. My 1st born was way ahead of her game, walking at 9 months, talking at 8 months....ect. My 2nd child took his time. We later learned he was taking it all in. He even learned at 3 how to tie his shoes simply by watching me teach his sister, it took her another 2 years. They are both A students, extremly involved in their school clubs and debate and even theater arts. They are both very healthy and have no major illnesses and hardly ever get sick (and we don't do flu shots either) They are well rounded and well behaved around others as well. I would GIVE my life for them! Yes, I did get post pardum depression after my 2nd child and it lasted a year. But in the end I would not have changed a thing.

Now, my infant who is breast fed is a little behind in development. (not slow, just takes her time) She is healthy and has not been sick. Her weight is alittle low but the Dr says it's fine. She is NOT sleeping through the night even at 9 months. And I have been battling post pardum for 9 months now. I love her dearly and would give my life for her as well, but I would not say I love her anymore than I love my other children. The rest we will have to wait to see how she turns out.

Now, I am not a Dr but if they were to do a study I would say my family would be a perfect family to study.

I understand wanting to do what is best for your baby and wanting to control what we give our children. And really breast feeding is the best way to control what they eat. However, I do not think a mother who does not breast feed will love her child less, or that her child will be dumb in anyway. And to be honest, at this point it is just easier when I'm stumbling in the dark at 3 AM to go right into her room, lift my shirt and pop a boob in her mouth than to stumble into the kitchen, find a bottle, find the formula, and mix it all while 1/2 asleep. We all want to think we know what is best, and the truth is, you do know what is best for YOUR child. However, we don't know what is best for someone else's child, and who do we think we are to act as if we do? Do what is best for you, I will do what is best for me and let's not judge eachother for it. After all, we all have the same goal in the end and that is to have happy healthy children. And I don't not think that my breasts hold the key to my children's happiness.

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377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Oct 21, 2010
You took the words out of my mouth!!  Actually, I posted almost the exact same journal a few weeks ago because I was so frustrated at the judgment I felt I was receiving for formula feeding.  Great minds think alike!!

I think the key here is judging in general.  It has shocked me since I became a first time mom how hard others mothers are on each other!!  I just wish we could all take a step back and be more supportive and less hard on each other.  Your right, we all love our babies and only want what is best for them!

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by margypops, Oct 21, 2010
maybe I havent walked in your neck of the woods but I have and have known many moms who have or have not breast fed...I have never seen in this country the vitriol that is being brought up here .never, in America.... I have seen much tolerance to moms who choose to bottle or breast feed...I dont get it are you all saying there is a vendetta going on about moms who dont breast feed...I have not seen it if there is one, but I am talking about this country ..so maybe it does happen in others...my family in Europe also wonder where on earth this vitriol is coming from and if it in fact exists ......

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by blessedmomof3, Oct 21, 2010
margypops, I have seen alot of it here on MH and I personaly had a hard time finding a play group because I breast feed. It seemed to make the other moms uncomfortable. My own mother and sister will not go out to eat w/ me unless I promise not to nurse the baby while we are out. I use a cover and no one ever seems to even glance my way, but it bothers them. I also have friends who are very supportive and and are not bothered at all by it. At the same time, I have friends who bottle formula feed and have been ridiculed for not wanting to give their babies "The Best Start Possible". I was really just re-acting to a post I read earlier.

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by adgal, Oct 21, 2010
Margy, the only way to answer you is to say "Oh yeah!!'.  You wouldn't believe how much grief we get.  I have had other moms accuse me of "poisoning my baby" and being lazy (which makes no sense because bottle feeding is actually more work) or just not caring enough to do what's right by him.  No matter how anyone may feel about me personally, no one can ever question how much I love my son and would do anything for him.  So it can be pretty hurtful.  

ANd I know what blessedmomof3 is saying as well...she is trying to do what is best, but can be ridiculed for that too.  It seems we just can win...I guess we are all just supposed to stay home 24/7 with our shirts off?  I don't know...it's pretty stressful sometimes.

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by blessedmomof3, Oct 21, 2010
Lazy??? LOL... that makes me laugh because I often say that I still BF because I am too lazy and cheap to deal w/ formula.

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by specialmom, Oct 21, 2010
It seems there are always going to be obnoxious folks who think it is their right to shove their opinion on others.  I've seen it in my neck of the woods as well.  If someone asks---------- I share.  If not-----------  live and let live.  I try to stay positive and believe that everyone is doing the best they are capable of doing.  (and knowing that on most things there is no right or wrong answer doesn't hurt either . . .)

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by margypops, Oct 21, 2010
okay then maybe I just havent seen it especially here ..if it does happen I am sorry as I do agree its up to moms how they feed their children and it is disgusting if anyone chooses to berate them .

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by narla, Oct 21, 2010
I know my children are smart,healthy and very good looking.
They were totally bottle fed,why? because I have very bad inverted nipples,my nipples form craters they do not stick out at all,I tried to breast feed to the point where I had to lay my baby on the bed and get over the top and try and squeeze the milk out and into there mouth.With my second one I wore plastic nipple shields throughout the pregnancy to try and get the nipples to come out,"no good"
So I get really angry when people choose to say bottle fed children are not as smart or as healthy or as good looking as breast fed children.Maybe breast milk is the best but you tell me what a woman is supposed to do that can't breastfeed.
We often feel bad as it is because we can't feed,then we have to listen to this crap.I also posted this reply on another post to do with bug infested formula.


377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Oct 21, 2010
I truly wish I could have kept nursing...I miss it still. But we have to do what we have to do, and I know in my heart I acted in my babies best interest because my milk was no longer good for him.  The medication I HAD to be on was not compatible with nursing.  He needed a healthy mom more then he needed breast milk.  I often feel guilty and hearing the judgement just makes it harder.  I get so hurt when anyone implies that I switched because I didn't care enough to do what was best.  Fortunately he is meeting his milestones, super healthy and very happy...and very bonded to me.  I also happen to think he is super cute..lol.  

I also feel for nursing moms as our society does not make that easy either. When I was still nursing I used to have to feed him when we were out. I was always always completely covered as I too had a cape that hid everything and he was under.  But I still remember the man that said to me "do you have to do that here??"  I don't know why it bothered him....as I said I had a cape that covered every bit of me.  But still, he was somehow offended. You just can't win no matter what you do.

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by blessedmomof3, Oct 21, 2010
narla, I'm just glad we have formula for those that cannot or even chose not to breast feed. And yes, I to saw the Bug infested formula post. That is what prompted my post.

adgal, We are damned if we do and damned if we don't. I also have a friend who says she has been ridiculed for feeding her baby jarred baby food and not making her own. I have not had to deal w/ that but why do people care so much what we are doing?

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Oct 21, 2010
You know what I think?  Everyone is a perfect parent until they actually have them.  I had it all sorted out....nursing only, clothe diapers only, homemade baby food right across the board...then reality set it in.

I nursed for 4 months, dealt with clothe for about a week and use a combo of homemade (definately my preference) and commercial...I admit sometimes it is more convenient.  I have noticed that often those that judge most harshly are those questioning their own choices, or those that have never had kids.  

353148 tn?1293064764
by blessedmomof3, Oct 21, 2010
adgal, I wish we had a LIKE button here like FB does. I would so like that statement.


"You know what I think?  Everyone is a perfect parent until they actually have them.  I had it all sorted out....nursing only, clothe diapers only, homemade baby food right across the board...then reality set it in.

I nursed for 4 months, dealt with clothe for about a week and use a combo of homemade (definately my preference) and commercial...I admit sometimes it is more convenient.  I have noticed that often those that judge most harshly are those questioning their own choices, or those that have never had kids."

LIKE



535822 tn?1443980380
by margypops, Oct 21, 2010
Moms should do whatever they have to do , bottle or breast most moms do what they can, so maybe the answer is to ignore the idiots who feel they have to make you feel bad.,they are the ones with the problem not you, its none of their business , steer clear of them ..

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by specialmom, Oct 21, 2010
Yes, you are a good mom if you do whatever you have to do to keep your baby well fed------ breast feed or formula feed either way.  . No one should judge.  

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by RockRose, Oct 21, 2010
I'm old enough (51) to remember as a child  when doctors told moms they shouldn't breast feed because it would make their babies scrawny,  and human breast milk wasn't adequate nutrition and so everyone should purchase commercially prepared formula.    So moms who breastfed looked down on moms who did,  because they were feeding their babies unnaturally - boobs belong in black lace bras and not in the mouths of infants,  and their babies weren't being fed enough.

I really think this is the backlash from that - the pendulum has swung the opposite way now,  and women who choose to formula feed (or are forced into it by circumstances) are now being looked down upon.

Cloth diapers disposable diapers.  To use a pacifier or not.  Should the baby sleep on on their back or side.  Circumcise or no.  Baby care is a hot button topic and parents who make a decision about their babies feel very strongly about it and feel the need to defend it.

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Oct 21, 2010
RockRose, I agree with all that you say.  And honestly, it's fine to defend your choices.  I just wish we didn't have to.  As Specialmom said...we all are feeding and taking care of our babies, and really, that is what matters most.  I guess I just get frustrated at defending the fact that I formula feed my child, I have him vaccinated, etc. etc.  I am doing what I feel is best, and yes I take his Pediatricians direction here.  I don't come down on others who choose something differently then I, so why should I always be defending myself.  I wish I could ignore.

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by blessedmomof3, Oct 21, 2010
RockRose, I to agree w/ what you are saying. As I said I have been on both ends and have recieved criticism on both ends. Discussing parenting issues has become alot like discussing religion and politics. I try not to judge anyone who choses to parent differently than myself, unless of coarse I feel the child is being abused. But feeding a baby formula or breastmilk is not abuse, using pacies, cloth or disposable diapers, side or back, even ear piercing is my business and my business alone. Let's take all that energy and put it towards helping children who really need our help. Let's use it to help starving children and homeless children. They need our voice more than the baby who's mother is giving him formula and loving him.

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by KarenDiane, Oct 21, 2010
Blessedmom - I'm in exactly the same boat. My 3 older kids (13, 12 & 8) were formula fed and I'm breasfeeding my 2 month old.We have a unique perspective. My older kids all slept better than Liam does, and they gained weight more quickly. Breastfeeding is more conveniant at 2am, but I just can't bring myself to pull out a boob at church or any other public place, so I have to make sure I have enough pumped before I go out. That is a pain in the butt. And I have to have some pumped if I want to sleep in. I'm tired and babbling, but I think it's terrible that people can be so intolerant.

Avatar universal
by teko, Oct 22, 2010
I think breast or bottle is a personal choice and there is nothing wrong with either. I breast fed one of mine, didnt like it and went to the bottle. Bottle feeding with formula came about for a reason in my book. I liked the freedom of the bottle, dad could alternate with the feedings etc, etc,.  I do not agree with all the pressure put on moms these days to breast feed and make them guilt if they dont want too. Both are fine... It is simply a personal choice imo.

353148 tn?1293064764
by blessedmomof3, Oct 22, 2010
KarenDiane, It took me awhile to get to where I would do it in public to. I would never stay away from home more than 2 hours at a time, because I would be full and need to either nurse or pump by then. Finally one day I decided to just do it. No one has said anything to me other than my mother and sister and a few friends. If some stranger did have something to say they would get an ear full. It's just how I am. I try to be considerate about it, I try to find somewhere private but if there isn't somewhere then what else can I do? But getting through the night even is a pain. If she does happen to be sleeping good I wake up engorged and sore and have to either get up and pump or wake her up to nurse.

teko, I agree w/ you 100%. That was the whole point of this post. Boht have their pros and cons and I do not think one out weighs the other in anyway. I just think it is a matter of choice and nothing more.

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