Oct 23, 2010
Can't sleep despite earlier fatigue beyond belief. Two kids out running around with friends, etc can keep any mom up. While waiting for their return , I missed that golden hour where one can fall asleep in a second to wound too tight.
Anyway, too much on my mind. Received a letter and old photos of her and my Dad from the 1940's. Guess I know where my middle daughter get some of her moves and poses. TMI. I think of my my often as she is 87 and as all of her dear friends die or move she is getting lonely. My Dad has been gone 7 years now and she misses him terribly , as do I. Mom is keeping busy sorting through all her belongings and dispersing things to each of us siblings.
Her mood seems upbeat but I know it's only show. After my Dad , she dated another man , who knew my dad, anyway, he too has passed away. When I last saw her a few months ago she was losing weight. Not good when there's no weight to lose. Her nosy , bratty little kids, to quote her, wrote a letter to her PCP with our concerns and asked her if she was comfortable and agreed with what was written to share it with her PCP. She did and she is on Ensure now.
But, Mom isn't the only thing on my mind. This blasted MS and it's interruption into my life is getting to me. New double vision while driving but the kibosh on me and driving independently. A messy house, no muscle strength to do half of what I need to do and no desire to want to do it anyway. Guess these feelings are the aftermath of missing our Cancun trip for our 30th wedding anniversary that was financed by our wonderful kids . Guess I'm still pouting.
So much for the 1st dose of ketamine. In more pain now than before. I'll be calling the doc's PA on Monday with some questions regarding this and what are the normal expectations.
Well, this is disjointed as is my mind most days but , this did feel cathatrtic is some ways. Perhaps I won't wait until 2 in the morning. to write............