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Still Lost and Confused...

Oct 30, 2010 - 4 comments

Yesterday my internet crashed, so I couldn't get online all day! ~ Well, I called yesterday to get the results of my beta, the Dr. wasn't in but the receptionist said the result was negative, and when I asked her what am I supposed to do now, just keep waiting for my period?? She said when the Dr. gets in he will call me... I had errands to run, so I went out for a few hours and came home and NO phone call...What a Jack A$$!
  I'm still lightly spotting, hardly anything really, it finally turned from brown to pinkish/light red yesterday, and I started having some cramps so I thought for sure I'd get some kind of FLOW and finally have fracking closure to this cycle and move on, but NOOO, still waiting. I'm starting to think maybe I did not ovulated and I'm having some kind of weird annovulatory cycle, my temps are weird so I don't even know what to think anymore. I will call the Dr. again Monday, will probably have to make an apt. to go in and see what the heck is going, at which time I will express my dissatisfaction at the fact that he didn't extend the courtesy of calling me to let me know what I should/need to do next. I'm at my wits end and I've even told DH I'm not so sure I can even keep trying anymore. I'm so lost and confused, and I'm irritated that I can't even get a period now so I can just move on. I'm at the point where I just wanna give up and put this whole TTC business behind me and get on with life. I know this is very selfish though, because DH does not want me to give up just yet. He's so loving and supportive and tries to encourage me to keep trying. He tries to reassure me that it will happen, it will just take a little more time, Bless his heart, I wish I had his patience! I'm truly lacking in the patience department. I just keep thinking that if I wrap my head around giving up TTC, and move on with life, and just not even think about it, maybe that's when it will actually happen, I mean I hear all the time how women who throw in the towel suddenly find out they are pregnant without even trying.. Maybe my problem is that I'm just trying too hard. I have obsessive compulsive tendencies anyways... I dunno, I never thought I'd be praying so hard for AF, I'd rather have a full on niagra falls AF for 3-5 days, than to just keep having endless spotting day after day after day.

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1217293 tn?1467354344
by Risa615, Oct 30, 2010
Sorry Christine, fertility drugs do that too you.  I had a cycle where I had a two day period, and then on cd 16 started spotting and it went on for five days.  I took 13 cycles of fertility drugs in 1.5 years and stopped in Feb.  The drugs did mess with my head, and made me feel worse.  Hang in there, considering the spotting your AF and reset your chart, it will make you feel better.  Just put on the first day of spotting med flow, and your start will restart and that is where you are in the cycle.  You should read "Conquering Infertility" good book on how we are all feeling during this difficult time.  I really wish I could turn the whole thing off in my head, but it doesn't work that way!

790669 tn?1465189099
by Des_a_rae, Oct 30, 2010
So sorry hun.  I know he's loving and patient and that's what WE need. They don't have to go through this physically day after day, month after month so we NEED them in our lives to push us ahead. My hubby gives me the strength, the courage and the "want to" to keep going. :)  I really wished everything would hurry up and work itself out. UGH!  I dunno what's going to happen with my cycle. I'm on day 4 of Clomid and so far a so good but it can turn in only a matter of hrs.  I hope you get some answers soon!!  Praying for you!!  <3

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by piababy, Oct 31, 2010
Hi, just thinking of you. Firstly, do not be so hard on your self. Its ok to be frustrated and down hearted! Its a sign that there is a part of your rational brain that the meds have not messed with! lol. I know how you feel, it is such a rollercoaster and its the biggest thing in your life right now, even if the dumb medical profession thinks it just all in a days work. If its any help to you I found my that during my time on clomid, it messed with me more emtionally than any of the iui or ivf meds have so far. I found myself all over the place. Be kind to yourself, its just the meds!!!! Dont give up. And remember there are many, many ladies out there who know exactly what you are going thro and a rooting for you.
Baby dust galore to you.
Pia

1310814 tn?1310654901
by mamamia40, Nov 02, 2010
Thank you ladies so much for being here! It means so much to have the support and encouragement and kind words to try to help keep me going. I was given Prometrium yesterday to take for 4 days to see if I will get a period afterwards. I was still hoping AF would just come on her own but it doesn't look like she will, so I will try this and see what happens. I just want to know where I am in my cycle. Thank you again for everything!

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