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Im so soo soo fed up with them!!!!

Nov 12, 2010 - 14 comments

Okay I need to vent!!!  My DBs mother and sister irritate the hell out of me!!  Im sure some of you may know some past stories about them, alil recap.. Mother: addicted to pills, lazy, dont clean, complains about everything, dont work, lives off welfare.  Sister: dirty, immature, Sl**!!!!, sleeps with EVERYONE. lazy, dont work, almost 21 years old, never had a job, no car, no license, lives with mommy off welfare.

Anyway, DB lost a son 3 years ago at birth... and it tore them apart..  They were so happy when I got pregnant. couldnt wait for Cole to be born.  Now he is here, and he is 6 months old. and they dont care!!!

We have to freaking PAY his mother to watch Cole. and when she does shes calling every five minutes to come get him.. or she will say shes out of pain pills and cant handle him or shes too tired to watch him...  She never comes to see him, EVER.  We ALWAYS have to take him there.   and i am completely fed up with it.  So I said something to his sister about how they havnt even called in 2 weeks to see how Cole was or to come see him or even say that they miss him.. They only live 10 minutes away!!!  thats the sad part!!!  and I told her im not making the effort anymore its not my responsiblity to make sure you guys see him anymore.. you need to come see him.. i said this after she gave me the smart remark, that she told me to bring Cole over to see her, cause I confronted her that they never wanna see him...

So his mother writes me on Facebook this morning, acting all innocent.. saying I havnt called cause I thought you guys were mad at me.. WTF!!!! why in the world would we be mad at you.  she saids cause she wanted to watch him last weekend and we never BROUGHT HIM OVER!!! well for one, we never ended up doing anything, and for two we dont have the money, hense why we cant be taking him over there all the time.  And why in the world didnt she call to say well are you guys going somewhere can I have Cole? you know, instead she just doesnt do anything then wants to play the victim saying, well I thought u were mad at me.. OMF im fed up...  I mean Im not too upset that he doesnt go overe there much, cause that house is disgusting, they never clean, and they smoke in the house. but I would love for them to come see Cole. he doesnt see anyone but me, Drew, my mom, my sister and my Niece.. NEVER anyone else.  he needs more family. and as much as i would love him to, its not my responsibility.  

Im just fed up with them.  theres no reason to act this way.  there pathetic!!!!  

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1019167 tn?1315591948
by ilovemykidz, Nov 12, 2010
im sorry... thats sux so badly!! family is supposed to be there for you not act like a bunch of immature aholes!!

sounds like my husbands mom, the only time she sees our kids is on holidays and she lives 25 mins away! she didnt even come to my oldests last bday party because she didnt get a special invitation! and my husbands brother the same way hasnt been to ONE of my daughters bday parties, missed the last 2 of my oldests and never been over to see the youngest, and they live 15-20 mins away!! same goes for my mother have only seen her ONCE since july 2009 and she lives about 35 mins away! she came over in feb to bring the older two their XMAS presents!! now we have 3 kids and she has NEVER seen the youngest!! ppl really suck and its hard when its your family... but try to keep ur head up i guess!!

i just look at it like "if they dont want to see my children grow up and they are going to walk in and out of their lives and act like it dont bother them at all" then why should it bother me??

they are the ones missing out not u or lil cole!!  

184674 tn?1360864093
by AHP84, Nov 12, 2010
You are right, it is not your responsibility to keep Cole a part of their lives on your time and dime. But you can't let it upset you so much...easier said than done, I know.
I have this same issue with my oldest son's paternal family. I don't know if you know much of my story with them, but in a nutshell, we live in Alabama, and my ex (my son's father) and his family live in Colorado, where we are originally from. I moved to AL in '03 with my mom and my son's father followed, and within the year I was pregnant with our son. By the time he was three years old, our relationship was over and we struggled to keep it civil, but he chose to move back to CO and leave his son with me in AL. His reason was because he wanted to be "home where he felt like he was wanted." I was so fed up with him by that point that I just shook my head and said, "Fine. But don't ever think that you weren't wanted here by your SON, who loves and adores you, and you're leaving him."
Fast forward three years later to this present day: he and his entire family (his mom, dad, sister and brother) hardly ever talk to Trevor. They don't know him very well. I agreed to send Trevor to visit them in CO this summer, and the last time they had seen him was over two years ago. He spent two weeks with them and I hoped that it would make them want to be more involved in his life and stay in touch with him more often. But Trevor has talked to them all maybe once or twice in four months. My ex NEVER keeps his promises to call Trevor, and is always telling me, "Tell Trevor I'll call him toinght or tomorrow," and then he never does. He's talked to Trevor on the phone three times in four months. He called me last weekend wanting to know what to get Trevor for his birthday because he doesn't know his interests or care, obviously...I always tell him he would know these things if he'd make the effort to talk to him for even five minutes on the phone once a week, but he never does.
It still upsets me that they always expect me to be available for them for Trevor's sake. It pisses me off that they don't make any effort whatsoever to be a part of his life, and it's not like they are financially burdened either. My ex's parents (Trev's grandparents) make six figures a year, and my ex is "supposedly" employed as a civil servant with the Air Force or something to that degree...he won't tell me because he doesn't want to have to pay more than $147 each month in child support, and he knows that if I know where he works that I'll get his wages garnished for more child support, and he never keeps his promise, EVER, of giving more child support voluntarily and he KNOWS what he's paying now is a pathetically low amount that isn't fair to Trevor's needs.
But what can ya do, you know? You can't MAKE them change their ways, and most likely, they'll never have a self revelation. All you can do is accept that and try to deal with what you can in the most civil way possible because you don't want to cut family out of your son's life; you want to make sure that door is always open for them to make the change, but it's not your responsibility to make it happen. If they figure out they have to make a change when it's too late for them (when your son is a teen or adult), then that's their loss, and at least you'll have no guilt because you always kept opportunities open for them.

1019167 tn?1315591948
by ilovemykidz, Nov 12, 2010
very well said.... its not easy but i agree totally!!

964234 tn?1331952807
by HeatherLF16, Nov 12, 2010
Completley annoying and pathetic you would think they would cherish that little boy to the fullest not only because of what happend to your boyfriend's other son, but because your son is here and deserves nothing less than a doting grandma and aunt.  I think it's their loss and he doesn't need people that are addicted to drugs (legal ones or not) in his life anyway.  What if she falls asleep zoned out on pills when she is suppose to be watching him?  You have a wonderful, adorable little boy and he is probably better off not being around what you described anyway.  My dad is the same way... all the other grandparents are great, but he is an alcoholic and drug addict sad part is he has two little ones (me and my sisters are grown and he has a 5 year old and 2 year old with his girlfriend who is not on drugs).  I don't judge he is still my dad I have tried to help him several times... I have offered to pay for rehab, offered him to live with me but he will never change so I acccept it I still love him.  But, he has only seen my son once and to be honest I don't really want my son growing up seeing the way he lives anyway.  So, when he passes through town he will call and visit (he has seen the baby once), but I won't take him over there.  Maybe you should do the same.  Don't go out of your way, but don't deny them to see your son if they want to.  =)



1123420 tn?1350564758
by ammanda, Nov 12, 2010
Lovemykidz:  God, that makes me mad. like I would understand if they lived like a couple hours away, but 10 minutes in my situation and no more then 35 in yours.. its just god awful and pathetic.. just drives me nuts, cause they lost there first grandson/nephew you would think they would take every sec with this one, cause you never know whats gonna happen.  what gets me most, is when she was taking him, she would ask if we could buy her some mt. dew, or cigarettes or get them food for dinner cause there out of food stamps cause they just buy junk with it.. or she will say she cant do it cause shes out of pain pills or her back hurts too much, but when she does take him, she calls constantly wondering when were coming back!!!  I just cant stand people, and I dont know how you do it, i would lose it if they went years with out seeing Cole. especially living so close..  I know i shouldnt care much if they dont, but im the one that is gonna have to see him upset when I tell him grandma cant take you today, or aunt Catie is too busy being a who**(obviously i wont say that) lol.. but you know my point


AHP:  No I dont know anything about your story. but I do now.. and im soo sorry you are going through that, that is horrible.. god im just so fed up on how careless people are..  How can he get away with only paying that much. my sister gets 90 a week!  Id so do something to where they have to look into what hes actually doing for work.  

1123420 tn?1350564758
by ammanda, Nov 12, 2010
Heather:  Yea I know what you mean, and I really dont want them around, but Cole shouldnt have to suffer because there addicted to pills.. and i did forget to mention up there in my recap that his mom has gotten his sister addicted to pills too. and she tries to give them to me. if I say I have a headache or my muscles hurt or whatever, then her automatic response is "do you want a pill"  And she has sleeping pills that she takes at night, but she 'saids" she dont take them when she has him.  but she dotn zone out cause shes been taking these same pills for so long that there like candy to her and shes ammuned to them.   I just dont know what to do. like whoever said, you can pick your friends but not your family, defiantly got it right!! lol

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by vacuumprincess, Nov 12, 2010
Ammanda:  sorry you are going through all this bs.  It is hard when it is family, cause you can't just tell them to go scratch gravel.  (well, you could, but I'm sure it wouldn't go well)

you definately should not have to pay your db mother if she wants to spend time with Cole.  It would be totally diferrent if you were working some great job, she was a great sitter 7 needed money.  that doesn't seem to be the case.  I wish I had some words of wisdom for you...  

Ladies:  don't even get me started on child support!  I have never seenn a penny from my ex.  He is currently $33,308.00 behind in child support.  He knows I will never try to collect it cause I am AFRAID of him.  He only has supervised visitation, but never uses it.  Thank god!  I'll just let sleeping dogs lie in that case.  It used to be really hard when it was just me raising my baby. I was so far behind in bills, that it wasn't even funny.  Now 5 yrs later, I'm so glad I didn't try to get the $$$ from him.  It only would have ended in our suffering.

1123420 tn?1350564758
by ammanda, Nov 12, 2010
Vacuumprincess: I know, we should not have to pay her, but everytime we ask her, she asks for something in return. my friend just texted me and asked if I wanted to do something tonight, but I know DB has already had plans so  I think im gonna put her to the test, the minute she asks me to buy her something or aske when il be back and blah blah, im jsut gonna say forget it!!!!!

1201929 tn?1293711672
by onyxangel, Nov 12, 2010
holy kansas, Your inlaws and my inlaws should get together. lmao. WOW I'm really sorry your going through this its not fair on you or Cole but at the end of the day THEY are the ones that are going to miss out. Personally it might be a good thing they're not around your child much yuck. He's needs positive people around in his life not bad one's. What does DB have to say about it? I know its hard but soemthing must be said. Also the fact that she makes you pay to watch Cole that is awful!! I mean I would understand if you gave her a bit of money once in a while or just a gesture gift like a bottle of wine or flowers but to not take him if you arent paying her... Def does not win her Grandma of the year award! :( grrrr I'm totally angry for you !!!!
xx hang in there hunnie.

1019167 tn?1315591948
by ilovemykidz, Nov 12, 2010
idk why but it always seems that the first ppl to burn u is your family, ppl can be so heartless! and i no its hard but the best thing u can do is to act as if it dosnt even bother you! they will see that u are going on with ur life with or without them and hopefully come around.

when my mom actually did come around it was the same way, we had to pay her, buy her ciggeretts, coke, and usually supper or at least feed the kids before we could go anywhere!!
o i left my sister out in the above post too, she used to be like my best friend we had our oldest kids 6 weeks apart and her youngest and my middle child are about 9 weeks apart!!!!!        But she hasnt talked to me since july of 2009 or made any attempts to see my kids either....... and its not easy i have alot of hatrid towards all of  them but i dont let my kids see that. i just dont talk about it and if they ask me why they never come see him or why they dont like us (that one hurts) then i just say well they must be busy or maybe we will go see them sometime and they ususally forget about it.  

as far as the dirty house goes... lol my mother in laws is gross, its so bad she told me last time i talked to her that she was pretty sure that one of her cats died upstairs cuz she hadnt seen it in a cpl days!! nasty i no, my oldest has been to her house once but the other two have never been there and they wont ever!

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by Katiesmommy1219, Nov 12, 2010
wow..your child shouldn't be in the kind of environment.. Im so sorry for what you are going through

1123420 tn?1350564758
by ammanda, Nov 12, 2010
I can say honestly that there house has not had a good cleaning, like dusting, vacuuming, mopping, in about 5 years!!!!!  dog hair everywhere.. which brings me to another point. they have a huge pit bull, which is like bigger then ther apartment.  and hes always running around shedding everywhere, and wagging his tail. his tail is like death.. it hurts me!!! i could only imagine if it hit my baby.. not to mention Cole will be crawling soon, and I would just die if I seen him on that floor crawling around picking stuff up and putting it in his mouth like babies do.. ugh.  and trust me I have said something about there nasty house, and all she saids is, I cant help it, my back is too sore to get up and clean.   She got in a train wreck like 5 years ago, with DB in the blazer, and hurt her back, and didnt suck it, up, she babied it, and now its "worse"  she jsut took pill after pill after pill and laid in bed.  she has a vehicle, but never goes anywhere, except her million doctor appointments to get more drugs!!!!!!! God who lives like that.. and she gets freaking 600 dollars a month for "disability" hello shes not disabled shes lazy!!!  not to mention she only has to pay like 150 for rent cause welfare pays it.  and she gets like 300 dollars in food.. but yet they can afford, internet, cable, and phone!!! wtf!!! Grrrr. i told my friend i would see if she wants Cole tonight, but after thinking about all this, i dont think I want to

1123420 tn?1350564758
by ammanda, Nov 12, 2010
Seriously, im so desperate, that I told my SIL to come over and have her mom bring her cause Drew has my car and I cant go anywhere, and her response is "i cant I already took my pills" WTF!!!!!!!!

and then she said just cause I dont call dont mean im not thinking about him.. what are you talking about??? If im thinking about someone I call and see how they are doing, especially if it was my only grandchild!!!!  

Then my SIl goes on to say, Mom wants you to bring him over too.. Wtf! did you not get that you need to make the effort, its not my responsibility.. are they that freaking Naive!!!! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

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by ilish, Nov 21, 2010
my baby girl is 5 weeks old and my family are 5 mins away they have time to go shopping see friends go to concerts but they have an excse   all the time and have never seen her yet i also have a one year old. ive so had enough and cant even stand to think about them anymore because i was always there when they needed me and they have no kids or responsibilitys. bottom line is they have lots of time to come round and they choose not to so  forget them my two beautifl daughters dont need promises then to be let down i will protect them from that. so im looking for advice before i tell them what i think and cut them out my life am i doing the best thing. im a strong person so it wont effect me and im always  helping them out and they dont appreciate me so i dont think they deserve to see my kids when they have nothing better to do. x - mas is coming up and there is no plans to see my kids either they have already posted the cards and they live 5 mins drive away. im so upset i need to let them know how i feel.

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