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abortion: never thought of it

Nov 14, 2010 - 8 comments
















so as of today my whole support system has gone to ****. on my birthday my older brother found out i was pregnant and proceeded to tell me that the best thing for me is an abortion. he says that he knows i wont be able to take care of a child becuase i can never clean my room or clean the house or go to school every single day. i understand a little bit of where hes coming from with the responsibility thing, but i knew when i found out a gut deep in my heart feeling that i could do this. and then my mom decided to let me know that the father and me arent together, his rap sheet is ridiculousy long, and he hasnt had a job for 4 months, i know this, this is why i broke up with him and then 4 days later found out i was pregnant. my mom was my biggest support system and when she looked at me and said the infamous "have you thought of other options" speech i was saddened, my mother who has had an abortion before always told me to never do it and that she regreted it her whole life and now shes telling me to go ahead with it becuz im behind in school and have to wait another year and a half for my associates. i couldnt believe it. then to top it all off me and the father had a huge fight becuz he just cant get it through his head that i cant trust a damn thing about him or anything that he says. i knew i could do this when i found the news out but after what my bro and mom says im so unsure of myself. i just dont know what to do anymore.

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1399033 tn?1449591379
by cnj76, Nov 14, 2010
You listen to your heart, is what you do. Obviously, you've made it clear to yourself that you CAN do this. Girl, there are TONS of women out there who are single and had no one be there support system and are making really good mothers. It will change your life forever. Honestly, either decision you make will change your life forever. I know it's hard, but you CAN get help out there. And just watch, you have this baby and they'll be on him/her faster than fruit flies on a banana! A baby will often change how someone reacts. I am almost positive they will fall in love with the baby!

It's obvious to me that you care about the baby already. And yes I do see part of the responsibilty thing coming into play but there is no reason why you can't start now, ya know? You just got to know that life can change in an instant. You will make a great mother. Believe me, if you have this baby and your family falls in love with him/her, they won't be able to picture life without them! And probably will regret ever saying ANYthing about an abortion!

1460967 tn?1512404738
by mlward3, Nov 14, 2010
Ohhh I am so sorry you are going through this! You are the one that is going to have to live with that decision for the rest of your life! If your own mom has told you in the past that she herself regretted having an abortion that should tell you something right there! You yourself said that when you found out you knew you could do it!! You and only you knows what you are capable of! I just know that you should not go and get an abortion based on how your family feels about the situation and the guy! Im not gonna preach to you about what is right and wrong, i just know there are other options like adoption! there are so many people struggling with infertility that would give anything to be a parent and that may not be the right option for you! I just know that if you set your mind to do something it can be done! a child is a huge responsibility but people your age and younger do it everyday! Praying for you and the decisions your are having to make!

1506244 tn?1289718995
by UnpredictableOne, Nov 14, 2010
Hi hate to hear your pain. I can only relay my experience and maybe it will help. When I became pregnant it was a total surprise. #1 I didn't think I could and #2 I was bi-polar, single and 30. It didn't look good...oh did I mention the dad was incarcerated and I was bunking at my brothers house because I'd just gotten out of the psychiatric hospital after 6 weeks due to oppresive depression? I wasn't exactly the poster for motherhood HOWEVER... MY DAUGHTER was and IS the BeST experience that has ever happened in MY LIFE despite the suggestion by my step grandmother to abort her. It too broke my heart not to mention insulted me grrr. Anyway
Prior to my daughter I'd lived years of suicidal ideation. I mean I salivated for death most of my life, but having someone that I loved more than myself really grounded me. I adored her and my life changed for the better because of her. That was undeniable by everyone around me.
I'm not saying I've been the greatest parent because at times bi-polar has knocked the wind out of me and at times depression has sneaked up on me and tried to wipe me out but ultimately neither have succeeded. I'm a good mother. My daughter loves me and I love her. I've since returned to school to earn my B.A. in psychology and now work in mental health. I am soon going to return to grad school to earn my M.A. in counseling as well despite the HELL that I've been through-despite the odds. My point is if you believe you can do it I believe that you can too. It wont be easy but it will be worth it.
My only advice is reach out for every support and resource you can. I contacted every support I could, every resource. I coudln't do it alone but I could do it. I've cried, screamed, collapsed, rocked in a corner at times, but I'm still here and my daughter is happy and even though her mom is MOODY at times and I feel bad about that I have to remember that no mother is ever perfect. She is advanced in all of her classess and though she doesn't have the fanciest stuff she's thankful. She kissess me and draws me pictures. I'm happy to have her and happy to be alive and most of all I'm happy I did not listen to my step grandma even though I'm sure she meant well. My daughter really is the best experience that has ever happened to me.
I hope this helps you. Keep reaching out for help and Believe in Yourself.

1194973 tn?1385507504
by Clysta, Nov 14, 2010
Don't let them sway your choice. This is not the end, and you can still succeed. Cleaning your room and going to school does NOT mean you won't be a good parent. I missed tons of school and my room terrified people and I believe I'm a good mother to my daughter. She's happy, healthy and safe. That's all that matters. Once you have a child you're lucky to get anything cleaned anyways. It's going to be tough, but there are many women out there who do this everyday and succeed. As others have said, use every source and help that you can get. While your family might think they're saying this to your own benefit, at the end of the day you're the one who has to live with that choice and the consequences. Not them. Good luck. There's always people here on MedHelp you can talk to whenever you need support.

1428298 tn?1302553310
by beviee, Nov 14, 2010
My brother did exactly the same, he found out i was pregnant, talked to me and told me i should have an abortion so that i could live my life, and i followed my heart and said i couldnt because i dnt believe in abortions and he said he doesnt either :/ so i was like why are you telling me to get rid of the baby? he goes because i want you be happy, and i am happy this baby has turned my life around, im looking after myself, i have grown up alot, i dont drink or anything i just want is best for my baby,

my advice is follow your heart, do what you think is best, my brother is now standing by me and helping me when he can.
im going through the same as what you are, part of growing up is making your own decisions, my mate did what her mum told her to do when she fell pregnant, she had an abortion now she cannot bare coming baby shopping with me or anything because she regrets it so so much! she wishes she never listened to her mum, so dont do what anyone tells you to do, DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!

hope everything goes okay :) x

1303813 tn?1303162962
by Cassandrajane, Nov 14, 2010
if you think your room is a mess, i'll invite you over to mine if you want!!! I got  aprox  20 odd animals in my room and everything lives on my floor!! I literally have NO ROOM FOR NOTHING, :)... I tidy, its a mess!! But I will learn!! LOL... Its fine!!

If you think you can do it... then guess what, you can!! Only you know the answer to this, this is  YOUR choice no one else can make it for you, they can tell you what they THINK you should do and whatt they ASSUME you will be like... but no one knows except you.

I had an abortion.. its not nice, horrible and traumatic... and I wouldnt wish that upon anyone!

We're all here! :)


1492421 tn?1290304115
by 10_29_10, Nov 14, 2010
Thank all of you for your support, i know a baby is a life changing decision and i know i can do it, i know this whether the father helps me or not. i know that eventually my family will want and have to help me with this, i just want to get out and live on my won hopefully government assistance is on my side. my state doesnt do section 8 anymore but i hope i can get something from them.

1428298 tn?1302553310
by beviee, Nov 15, 2010
good luck!
my family was really against it at first but now they cant wait!
they just need time to adjust xx

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