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It's over...we're done.

Nov 19, 2010 - 10 comments

Well, It's over.. I knew there would come a point when we would decide not to try anymore. I didn't think it would happen after taking my 2nd round of clomid but it has come to that. I'm still confused and not sure how we ended up right here, right now, but maybe it's this nasty cold/flu I'm still trying to fight off on top of the out of whack hormones or something. I go through spurts of depression and feeling sorry for myself and I get irritable at the tiniest of things, well, they don't seem tiny at the time, but in hind sight, they are. I know that I react (more like over react) the wrong way sometimes and it gets in the way of things. I know it's my fault, I get too emotional sometimes, but I can't help feeling the way I feel.
So, we've come to the decision that we should go down a different path. I've been at that fork in the road for a while now, and it leads to nowhere, so we're going to try and see whats down that other path. The path that leads us into our golden years with a little more freedom, a little less frustration. I know this is probably hard for a lot of people to understand but there are days when raising a teenager is so frustrating and difficult, it makes me question why I am even trying to have another child. If DH wanted to, I would keep trying, but even he is still on the fence about it all, not being sure if he wants to give up the future freedoms we will soon have. It only makes the decision easier when we feel like no matter how much we try every month, it still isn't happening anyways, so maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Things happen for a reason (and don't happen for a reason), so it makes us think this is not the road we should be going down.
I will miss keeping in touch with all the MH ladies here and I hope and pray each of you get your BFP's real soon. I'll probably check in from time to time just to see how everyone is doing but I'm going to try to stay off for while, just so I can transition a little easier from "trying" to "not trying".  

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1439353 tn?1309288364
by Trying4Mommy, Nov 19, 2010
Hi Christine.  Well I can understand the way you feel.  Especially since you already have a child.   This certainly is an emotional roller coaster....and sometimes I just want to get off!!  BUT we really want to be parents and we just keep plugging away.  I know how it feels to get emotional!  In fact, the Clomid is killing me in the emotion department.  One moment I am an angel, the next a devil.  I don't like the way that I act....but I cannot control it.  Then there is the cycle of laughter...and then crying....it's awful....and hard on a marriage...but thank GOD our marriage is strong...and my husband has been very understanding.  

I wish you the best always...and please please please keep in touch, ok!  Btw...it's when you relax and stop trying that you get PG!  LOL!

XOXOXOXO HUGS!!!
The "Other" Christine  :-)

1415321 tn?1306969953
by blindbat101, Nov 19, 2010
Big hugs to you!  I know this decision is hard and comes with a multitude of confusing feelings.  It's never easy to change directions, especially when you're wanting something so much.  Ultimately you have to go with what brings you the most peace, happiness, and connection to yourself and loved ones.  That feels pretty complicated sometimes, I know!  Love on that beautiful daughter of yours and let her know how much you love and appreciate her and how incredibly special she is.  Live today and every day with the joy of knowing that you have fully connected with your dh and dd.  Your life is rich with opportunities and adventures that are there for the taking and enjoying.  Regardless of whether you have another child or not, you have an amazing future ahead of you with so many gifts of laughter and joy.

All the best to you in whatever you do and where ever you go!  (((HUGS)))

Linda

922048 tn?1387942584
by Sherri90049, Nov 19, 2010
Christine,

Sorry to hear what a tough roller coaster it's been emotionally for you with the Clomid (& raising a teenager at the same time....yikes!). I am glad to hear you are making the right decision for you! You will always know that you tried and you'll have no regrets. And when all the stress is gone and you're back to enjoying your life more, who knows? It could happen w/o trying! But getting to a place of peace about the possibility of it not happening is crucial. I have no kids yet, so am not anywhere near there yet. We will miss seeing you on here but will take comfort in knowing you are doing what you need to do to take care of YOU! Big hugs!!!!

Sherri

1105753 tn?1374287348
by mjmom69, Nov 19, 2010
Well, I can certainly understand your decision. I go back and forth sometimes just because I get so frustrated and get tired of the disappointment every month and the stress of it all. I am on Clomid for the first time and I don't know what we'll do if it doesn't work in a couple of months. I wish you all the best and agree that sometimes things DON'T happen for a reason too. Please keep in touch, we will miss you. Take care of yourselves.

1217293 tn?1467354344
by Risa615, Nov 19, 2010
Christine,
I will miss you! I always appreciated your support.  Fertility drugs did the same thing to me and at the time I was not on MH so it was really bad.  I was so angry and hurt not to mention the weight gain, I was ready to throw in the towel, but then I found MH and that saved me!!  Plus no fertility drugs since Jan.  I wish you the best in this next chapter of your life.  

Risa

1310814 tn?1310654901
by mamamia40, Nov 20, 2010
Christine, yes, it's an emotional roller coaster and yes, the clomid makes me a jekyll & hyde! I know what you mean, with laughing one minute, and crying the next, it's very hard. We are still talking things over, and we still go back and forth with it all, but ultimately we are going to try to just relax and enjoy life and like you said, maybe when we are not trying it will sneak up on us and "just happen"! Who knows! But like you, DH is very supportive and understanding, and I'm so lucky to have a wonderful relationship. I wish you all the best and pray you get your BFP and don't have to take clomid again! Thanks for being a wonderful friend to me here, your support and encouragement always meant so much to me.

Linda, You're absolutely right, I have to go with what brings the most peace and happiness and connection to myself, DH and DD. I am going to focus on DD and be thankful for such a wonderful blessing she is in our lives, and do the best I can to make sure she blossoms into a wonderful young lady and embracing all the laughter and joy we share. Thank you for your well wishes and encouragement!

Sherri, thank you for always being there for wisdom and advice when it came to TTC! Your wealth of knowledge in many areas made this process so much more easier to bear because you were always there to share what you could with those of us who were lost! It was so nice being able to have you there to help and encourage me when I was confused about my chart or any questions I might have had about TTC. You are truly a blessing to all the women here on MH!  I know you will soon have your bundle of joy and I know your perseverance, determination and optimism will prove to others that it can be done at our age! Thank you again for being a wonderful friend to me!

mjmom69, yes, the frustration, stress and disappointment every month can really take a toll! I hope you only have to take clomid this once, and you get your BFP so you don't have to take it again! Good luck and take care, and it was nice getting to know you.

Risa, YOU are the one who was always there for me, and I truly appreciate all your support! You also had so much information to give me and it really helped me understand my cycles a little better. I am so thankful you were here to help me and support and encourage me on those days I was feeling down. I know you will get your BFP, like Sherri, you are strong, determined and positive about all of this so I know you will get there! I'm looking forward to the day I log on and see all of you ladies celebrating your BFP's!

I've taken my temps (its such a habit now, its almost robotic how I get up and reach for the thermometer!! lol), and I'm pretty sure I ovulated Thursday. We BD Wednesday night, so maybe there is still a chance this cycle, but I am not going to worry about it or stress about it. If I get my mind set on moving forward in another direction, I wont be disappointed when AF arrives!
SSBD to all of you, thank you again for being there for me during this time!

1152046 tn?1305767488
by HeatonWife, Nov 20, 2010
You have been so nice to talk to, I'll miss you. My DH says the same thing even though my son is 6 (from a previous relationship) DH says "he's almost to the age where he will be able to take care of himself,spend the night at friends, walk to/from school alone,etc......are we sure we want a newborn" but we do because my hubby has NO bloodfamily-they are all deceased. But "trying" and "trying" is killing us....we were so excited to become preg, and suffering the m/c at 14 weeks and seeing that little baby that was ours-makes us want one again so bad, yet were both hesitant. I hope your new path brings you to a fun-light hearted-loving new way....I gave up on MH after my m/c other than personal charting because i couldnt talk to all the women that got preg' the same time as me....maybe you need to switch topic boards to feed the addiction I know MH has on us all....and steer clear of TTC boards. Thats what I had to do. Best wishes in all that comes your way. -Michelle

1281900 tn?1320336402
by mi_amorcito, Nov 20, 2010
Christine, I will miss you so much. I understand your disicion I too am raising a teenager. This clomid is hitting us hard too. I hope and pray AF doesn't come your way . God bless you.      Hugs Debbie

1400499 tn?1320410293
by Boricuamorena2010, Dec 21, 2010
Don't worry, once you stop trying, it will happen, best of luck and well wishes to you!
Take care!
Christine

1302038 tn?1439575232
by TinaR10, Dec 22, 2010
WE WILL MISS U

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