Nov 20, 2010
I was about to label this entry Day 2 but in all reality I haven't been "clean" at all, so I think I should leave the counting to those who have gone cold turkey. I'm simply on a new tapering plan, comprised by Dr. N and agreed upon by me and Wifey. Right now I'm on 60 mg MS Contin (30 mg twice daily) and 30 mg Oxycodone (10 mg three times daily). The schedule works like this:
7 am Take one MS Contin and one Oxy
1-2 pm Take one Oxy
7-8 pm Take one MS Contin
9-10 pm Take one Oxy
Wifey has complete control over my pills, so she'll send me to work with one MS Contin and two Oxys. When I get home she'll either give me the remaining one MS Contin and one Oxy, or if she won't be home she'll have them waiting for me. The tricky part is when she is going to be gone for a longer period of time; for example, she leaves today while I'm at work and won't be home until tomorrow morning. She will still send me to work with the morning and afternoon doses and will still have the evening doses waiting for me when I get home. In order for me to be OK tomorrow (and so she doesn't have to rush home first thing in the AM with me flipping out because I'm in WD) she's going to hide my morning dose somewhere, and reveal its location only when it's time for me to take it. We talked about this in length and while I can't be trusted with many pills at one time, we both think I can handle this. i seriously do not see myself ripping my house apart in order to find two pills.
I told Wifey I'm extremely anxious about this plan. I trust her with my life and I know that she would never let me down by forgetting to leave me the pills or neglecting to reveal the hidden dose's location at the right time, but pill head puts doubts in my mind. I know myself well enough to know that I would totally and completely flip the %$@! out if for some reason I can't get in touch with Wifey and I don't get my meds on time. We both know that pill head would see this as a huge issue and drive a very large wedge between us. Heck, it would probably insinuate that Wifey messed up on purpose in order to hurt me. In reality I know that Wifey loves me and would never, ever purposely let me down. The rational me also knows that Wifey is human and all humans make mistakes once in a while. If Wifey were to make a mistake she would take swift action to correct it, and I honestly would not suffer very much as a result. All that being said, we both know pill head all too well so we *had* to talk about and make sure we understand the repercussions of a potential mistake...
Overall this plan seems to be working pretty well as far as staving off WD. Do I still get "cravings?" Yeah, but honestly they're not bad at all right now because I'm on a pretty high dose of each med. I feel like I'm OK but have a false sense of security...what am I going to do when I see Dr. N in two weeks and he lowers my dose (probably going to lower the Oxy first)? Am I going to flip out and are the WDs going to be too much for me? *Sigh* I think I sound like a real wuss right now because I see all of these brave people on this forum doing it cold turkey. But hey, at least I'm making a genuine effort and I'm determined to beat this...
Time to go take a nap. I work 6-2 today but for some reason couldn't fall back asleep after getting a few hours in earlier. (No, I'm not even in WD!)