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Babysitter dliemma:  what would you do??

Nov 30, 2010 - 41 comments

So, DH and I have a regular babysitter that we use for our occasional nights out.  She's 13, the daughter of a neighbourhood couple we know through our oldest sons previous home daycare provider.  We've been using her for the last 2 years with no problems - she's always seemed so sweet and mature; in fact, we've been impressed with how she's seemed to really have her head on her shoulders for someone so young.

She came over on Saturday night so that we could go out for dinner.  It's a pretty easy gig because we typically get the kids all bathed and in bed - she doesn't need to do anything unless one of them wakes up...which is pretty rare.

Upon returning home on Saturday, I noticed that our digital camera (which I'd left in our bedroom) wasn't working.  The lens was in the fully zoomed position - it was jammed and it looked as though the camera had been dropped.  When DH was able to gently press the lens back into position (phew!) and it started working again, I noticed that the few pics I had on it (including ones I had taken just that night right before we got the kids ready for bed) had been erased - as a result of the fall, I assumed.

I thought that maybe our 4 year old had accidentally dropped the camera, but at the same time, I didn't completely believe it:  I put the camera in our room while we were bathing the baby and Daniel was in there watching TV for a couple of minutes, but we never heard a camera drop on our hardwood floor...and, besides, I'm pretty positive that I saw the camera in there, intact, when I was getting dressed to go out after Daniel was already in bed.

So...I'm still not thinking much of it until yesterday morning when I'm on the computer, downloading pics we'd taken on Sunday.  I noticed that the pics that I thought were erased during the camera's fall were actually on the computer....along with a couple of pics of our babysitter!!  Crazy, stupid pics that a 13 year old would send to her friends:  her sticking her tongue out.  The pics were obviously taken at our house, judging by the background.  Looking at the files, I could tell 3 things:  a) all of the pics had been taken by our camera b) the pics of our babysitter were taken on Saturday while we were out, based on the time stamp and c) the pics were all downloaded to our computer on Saturday evening while we were out, also evidenced by the time stamp.  So, here's some pretty concrete proof that she took our camera, used it, and then probably dropped it and put it back where she found it (once again, in our BEDROOM - she shouldn't have ANY reason to be going in there).

I call her, leave a mesage and ask her to call me.  She called me back yesterday afternoon and I explain that we'd found the camera broken and even told her that I noticed a couple of pictures of her on our computer, along with some pics that I'd had on our camera but hadn't yet downloaded.  She insisted that she had used HER camera (impossible.....even if she has the EXACT same camera that we do, she couldn't have possibly downloaded all of the photos within 9 seconds of each other).  She seemed flustered.

When DH got home, we discussed what we were going to do.  She is supposed to be babysitting for us this coming Saturday as well.  DH said "well, how would we, as parents, want for someone to handle this type of situation with OUR kids?"  And so we decided that we'll give her one more chance to come clean, explaining to her that there's no way we can trust her with our kids if we can't trust her on the smaller things - and, if she doesn't, we're not going to use her anymore...and we'll be explaining to her parents why we're no longer going to be asking her to babysit for us.

At first I thought maybe I was overreacting, but I spoke to several other friends who have little ones - and even a couple of friends whose kids are teens - and they all said that it wasn't right and that we shouldn't just brush it off and let it go.

What do you think?  How would you handle a similar situation??  As it stands now, DH has texted her and asked her to call him (he thought she might be more likely to open up if she's on her phone...as opposed to at home where her parents could be listening to her end of the conversation, which is where she called me from yesterday).  If she doesn't get back to him by this evening, he says he's calling her at home.

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168348 tn?1379357075
by ChitChatNine, Nov 30, 2010
Given the fact that she was in your bedroom, that alone breaks the trust for me (did she try on any jewelry or thumb thru your checkbook? Check that the checks are all in there in order.  Then added on top of that, the pics taken with your camera and then used to download on your computer would take any cast of second tries out of the picture (no pun) for me!   I'd stay home and give up the next engagement and find a new sitter.  There's nothing to trust .. What you caught sounds to me to be the 13yr old coming out and you cannot wonder what was in the past or what will ensue in the future .... Are your liquors full-strength .. especially the clear ones?     They don't have to be consumed, but can be taken home and replaced with water in the original bottle so you never know.  Not that she's done this ... but it would make me wonder big time about having her in your home again.

Just my 2 cents as a mom to kids 12, 13, 17.5 and 19.5

C~

1035252 tn?1427227833
by Ashelen, Nov 30, 2010
I dunno...i mean it's up to you guys. a stupid mistake like that doesn't indicate that she's incapable of caring for the kids, but at the same time her dishonesty is concerning...

First of all, Don't have DH call her. That seems a bit intimidating, don't you think? I think that you as a female should be the one calling to talk to her.

Secondly...I mean it's really your choice. if she has done a great job with the kids so far and you trust her to keep them SAFE, that's the big thing. Her dishonesty needs to be addressed, but if you can address it I would say that it's fine to brush it off as a 13-year-old's silliness and continue to use her...but if you can't sort out the dishonesty, obviously I'd say she has to go.

470885 tn?1326329037
by Limonada, Nov 30, 2010
Ivy....I called her yesterday - and she lied to me.  She told me she hadn't used our camera and that she hadn't been in our room.  The evidence we have indicates the opposite.

it's not about the kids not being safe - they were fine and have always been fine with her - but at the same time, I don't want to be out, wondering what's going on at home and wondering what she's up to.  

1289491 tn?1421278081
by MrsWoods, Nov 30, 2010
Well she should not have been in your bedroom for starters and 2. if the camera would have been broken beyound repair would she have admitted it to you? I give her a second chance but warn her that if there is anymore evidence of her being were she should not and messing with belongings that dont belong to her that you will not be allowing her to sit any longer. Plus if she has her on cell I am pretty sure that it has a camera of some sort on it so there is no need for her to be tampering with expensive camera and clearly state that your bedroom is a private area and she does not need to be in there. Period!

470885 tn?1326329037
by Limonada, Nov 30, 2010
Just another point, too:  babysitting is, first and foremost, about caring for the children entrusted to the babysitter.  But it is ALSO about respect for the home you're in and the belongings in that home, that aren't yours.  If the parents haven't specifically said it's ok for you to use their belongings (like a camera) or even the computer, then I don't think that's appropriate behaviour.  

470885 tn?1326329037
by Limonada, Nov 30, 2010
Sorry, I meant "UNLESS the parents have said it's ok...."

127124 tn?1326735435
by have 2 kids, Nov 30, 2010
Personally I wouldn't have her babysit again.   You clearly feel you can not trust her and you will be uncomfortable the whole time you are gone.   My daughter is 14and has recently began babysitting.   She knows better than to go through bedrooms and use their items, camera, computer, etc.  

1035252 tn?1427227833
by Ashelen, Nov 30, 2010
Yeah you're right. I guess I just don't know much about it because no one babysits our kids, so I haven't ever had to think abt it. (sry feeding grey lol)...I'd say find a new babysitter.

470885 tn?1326329037
by Limonada, Nov 30, 2010
Ivy....very impressive that you can feed Grey and type at the same time :)  

We need to rely on babysitters when we need/want a night out - which generally isn't back to back weekends like now, but with Christmas coming, there are more events and outings!  If we had family that lived closer, it would be wonderful, and much easier in this regard.

377493 tn?1356502149
by adgal, Nov 30, 2010
Just one thing I would keep in mind.  She is 13 and 13 year olds do dumb things some times.  In all honesty, she was probably scared to death to admit it to you....not because you aren't great to her, but again because she is 13.

I would just make it clear to her that you know for absolute certain this is what happened.  I would explain boundaries again and that it's not so much what she did that has you upset, but that she lied about it.  Perhaps this can be used as a teaching tool.

That being said, there does need to be a consequence, and I agree with Have2Kids...chances are you won't be comfortable having her in your home alone again.  Hopefully she can learn and become a more responsible and better person because of it.

1394601 tn?1328032308
by Sumanadevii, Nov 30, 2010
Oh come on....She is thirteen and made a mistake.  She has always been good with your children.  Explain to her that she is not allowed to snoop or use your computers, cameras, etc without permission.   At thirteen she is just learning.  She is lying to you because you are forcing the lie.  You had no need to ask her if she did or didn't do it.  She did it.  Why the entrapment?  Just tell her things are off limits.  And yes, I think you have blown it out of proportion.  Now a second time?  Then I would involve her parents and she wouldn't be working for me.

Avatar universal
by Kricket212, Nov 30, 2010
I understand the points of view given here.  I have a tendency to sticck with Adgal here & say she is 13.
I can honestly say that I have done many things I should not have & then had my parents question, to which I have lied.  If you trust her with your children, then I say you have to let it go & just set the rules AGAIN.
Give her another chance.  Babysitters are very hard to come by & if you have one that trust with your children that is what matters.

470885 tn?1326329037
by Limonada, Nov 30, 2010
If we were cruel, unreasonable people, then I'd say that "entrapment" is an appropriate term.  But we're not - so it isn't.  When I spoke to her yesterday, I didn't interrogate her, and the conversation lasted all of 2 minutes.  I explained what had happened and asked her if she would be able to explain how that could have happened.  She denied knowing anything about it and I said "ok, thanks" and we signed off on the call.

She may be "only" 13, but that's old enough to know what is acceptable behaviour (or to LEARN what is, if she doesn't already).  Not to mention own up to her mistakes.  We acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, particularly at that age, and that she was scared - we know her parents and they wouldn't condone what happened, either, and if her mom or dad was anywhere near her when she was talking to me on the phone, there's no way she'd want them to hear about this.  

I've been both 13 and a babysitter before.  I recognize that there's a natural curiosity about how other people live and their possessions.  But there is a difference between looking and touching.

We're giving her one more chance to own up to it and if she doesn't then we'll let her parents know and move on.  Yes, babysitters can be hard to come by, but it's not like it's impossible.  Bottom line is that we need to be able to trust the people we let into our home on all levels.

Avatar universal
by julianovak, Nov 30, 2010
*I* think that there should be no reason for her to be in your bedroom.... NONE. I dont feel comfortable with my siblings in our bedroom let alone a 13 yr old. Stupidity yes, on her part, but shes also 13 yrs old.... ALso was it made clear NO FOOT in our bedroom? If not, then that may be the reason why she thought it was okay.... In terms of keeping your kids safe, yes, have you thought about getting a lock for your bedroom door? to lock from outside..... ???!!!! Just a thought. But i THINK that the bedroom dileama would have been the last straw, her denying it, she just might be embaressed and whatnot... but the bedroom is a HUGE NO!

172023 tn?1334672284
by peekawho, Nov 30, 2010
Tough one...

Teenagers lie.  You can tell, because their mouths move.  Never ask a teen "to confess".  If they think they will be in trouble, they won't.  Period.

If you clearly feel that the trust is broken irreparably, then don't use her again.  Let her know why, perhaps let her parents know, but don't use her again.

I'd be inclined to tell her that you know she was in your bedroom, you know she used your camera, and you know she used your computer.  It's not a question of asking her to come clean.  She did it, it was wrong, and it's not to happen again.  That you think she's a good kid, and she's good with your children...but that this is an issue that she needs to learn about...you don't go in peoples rooms when they are not there.  You don't use anything of theirs unless it's clear that she's allowed to.

Then give her a big hug, and tell her that people make mistakes.  The key is to learn from the mistakes.   Use her again, if you can get past this.

Kids do make mistakes.  She's very young, babysitter or not.  Personally, I think 13 is too young to babysit (others may disagree, of course).  Some kids that age still are learning boundaries, about what is right or wrong, and about impulse control and doing silly things when they are alone.

But make no mistake...teenagers will not tell the truth if they think they will get in trouble.  Even in the face of proof positive.  That comes with age, and experience, and maturity.  She has none of those things yet.



134578 tn?1578157483
by AnnieBrooke, Nov 30, 2010
I agree with Peek.  She may be a mature 13, but she is still just 13.  She's probably terribly mortified and doesn't really know how to deal with your discovery of her 'crime.'  It would be nice if you could have a relaxed conversation about it, but she is too young.

You might audition a few other babysitters and put her on the back burner for a while, but keeping the connection so she knows you are not hating her.  

203342 tn?1328737207
by April2, Nov 30, 2010
I like your answer here, Peek. I couldn't have said it better.

172023 tn?1334672284
by peekawho, Nov 30, 2010
I'm going to confess something, myself.  I was a babysitter at around 15 or 16.  I never stole from anyone, never used anything as in this situation...but I did look through their things.  Out of boredom, curiosity, whatever.  Bathroom cabinets, closets, drawers..

It will happen.  I was a painfully good, nerdy, straight A, Girl Scout...and I did it.

134578 tn?1578157483
by AnnieBrooke, Nov 30, 2010
The nice thing about 13-year-olds is that when they do something wrong, it is to open the liquor cabinet and take ONE SWALLOW of whiskey and put it all back and they feel nervous and guilty.  When 17-year-olds do something wrong, it's sleeping with their boyfriend in your bed while the kids wander around the house smelling the pot fumes.  When you look at it, what she did (playing with your camera) was not that big of a deal in the scheme of things.  You're making a huge deal that she didn't own up, but I think you were asking her to do something that she doesn't have the social/maturity level to do.  In your shoes I'd put things away where she can't reach them, or lock my bedroom, and lock her out of the computer also, and put away anything you don't want her to look at (such as jewelry), and give her another chance, without a lot of comment.

470885 tn?1326329037
by Limonada, Nov 30, 2010
Wow. If I'd known that people were going to essentially make me feel like the one at fault here for wanting to address something that happened in my home with my belongings, then I probably wouldn't have even bothered posting this.  

Regardless...thank you, everyone, for your input!

1035252 tn?1427227833
by Ashelen, Nov 30, 2010
Oh Jen! it's not your fault sweetheart!! Do what you feel is right because your instincts as a mom are fantastic. Don't let this get to you it's easy for us all to have opinions that are so black and white because we're not there. it's not our house, it's not our stuff, it's not our kids.

so while there's some good advice here, don't take the criticism to heart.

Hugs and love from all of us here, don't doubt yourself just because other peole have harsh opinions.

-i, k, g

676912 tn?1332812551
by smjmekg, Nov 30, 2010
Hmmm...I didn't read EVERYTHING written, but in my personal opinion, I'd keep an eye open for something else to happen. She is ONLY 13, BUT that doesn't let her off the hook. If it were me I'd be thinking, what else did she get into that you didn't notice...what if you left money lying around and forgot about it until later and it was gone...I mean, I look at it like this. The camera is ok, if you asked her about the pictures and she lied, what else would she lie about? Pictures are such a small things...not to mention what if she had taken pictures that were far more inappropriate? That could have gotten pretty ugly if you accused her and told her parents about the pictures, I know that might be a little far fetched, but in today's society...maybe it's not.

535822 tn?1443976780
by margypops, Nov 30, 2010
I think that limonade said she had been using the babysitter for 2 years that would make her 11years old ...May I ask if she knows CPR ? Maybe an idea to look for an older person there must be many granma's around would love to take care of children.

168348 tn?1379357075
by ChitChatNine, Nov 30, 2010
Taking age out of the equation completely, we never really know for sure, unless we have a nanny cam, how well our caregivers watch our kids.

So, we tend to rely on our instincts oftentimes to make a decision when something isn't right.



1201929 tn?1293708072
by onyxangel, Nov 30, 2010
Hi Jen,
I dont think anyone here is making it seem like youre the baddie here... there is no baddie. You are an adult... she is a child. Plain and simple really your mentality can not be paired with that of a 13year old.  You posted your question to get our opinion and that isnt a bad thing... we all think differently and handle situations differently. Sorry you feel like that.

On to the question: I like peekawho ... when I was a babysitter I did the exact same stuff peekawho did, but I never touched anything just opened things lol. But make no mistake I cared for that family so much and I would have done ANYTHING to protect and ensure the safetly of the THREE children I watched... even at 13.

The truth of the matter is I used to lie about anything... I was a very very scared teen. I didnt grow up in the healthiest of homes and when we got in trouble.... well lets just say we feared for our selves. Therefore that was my own defense mechanism ... lie lie no matter how small = keep you safe and not get a beat down or seriously grounded.

Personally you knows .. she knows... we ALL know she did it. I think you should listen peekawhos' advice in my opinion it would be the best route to take for you and your family and her so that she can learn her lesson in an understandable manner to a 13year old.

Good luck hun you will come up with the right desicion for YOU.
xx

172023 tn?1334672284
by peekawho, Nov 30, 2010
Who " made you feel at fault"?  Who said you shouldn't address it?  I didn't read that anywhere.  

You did address it.  People are just giving you their perspectives.  I thought that's what you were asking for.  I'm confused.  when you write a journal, an at the end ask what people think, and what they would do...well, this is what people did.

I thought it was an excellent journal, great question, insightful answers.  I guess I should just stick with keeping my mouth shut.  Sorry for making you feel badly.  

127124 tn?1326735435
by have 2 kids, Nov 30, 2010
I'm with Peek- I don't know how anyone made you feel at fault.  

1035252 tn?1427227833
by Ashelen, Nov 30, 2010
It's okay, Peek I don't think you did say anything.
She's just having a hard time right now guys and going through a lot and there were quite a few "jeez what's your problem?" type responses..not in those words, but you know what I mean...so I think it just pushed her a bit because she's been dealing with a lot emotionally.

I think no harm no foul once she realizes no one intended to upset her, and hopefully this can be a learning experience for ALL of us to remember that sometimes when we're "flip" or "brief" or "blunt" it can affect people who are particularly vulnerable in a way that we didn't intend....I do it sometimes too.

I'll email her and make sure she knows no one was trying to make her feel in the wrong.

535822 tn?1443976780
by margypops, Nov 30, 2010
Not to make anyone feel bad',this is a general question,  be interesting to ask how many moms leave babies with11-13 year olds,  and if they do are the babysitters taught CPR and what to do if a child is choking ,this happened to me when a nearly 3 year old got a piece of bread and peanut butter stuck in his throat..I did know CPR.... Just a thought..

803938 tn?1403748253
by Ecologic, Nov 30, 2010
Just my 2 cents but I also think leaving children with an 11-13 years old is risky. Yes she 'borrowed' your camera, that's in itself is only a material thing. The big question is: can she properly take care of  young children? At her age, I don't think so. She is a child, she is immature, personally I would never trust a child to take care of my baby.

676912 tn?1332812551
by smjmekg, Nov 30, 2010
Ladies, Jen is asking our opinions on the situation at hand, and that is what to do about the camera situation and the girl lying about it. Let's keep that in mind and not question the safety of her children. I know Jen is very careful, and believe she is an excellent decision maker, we shouldn't turn this journal into a question of appropriate age for a babysitter. It is a good topic, but maybe best posted in our own journal, or on the correct forum instead of in Jen's journal.

1486435 tn?1316470899
by ketona31479, Nov 30, 2010
I dont really Know anyone on this site yet...but i'm going to put my 2 cents in...The computer can be passworded, you can also get a software that will log everything that is done on the computer, what sites were visited, what files were accessed, even what keys on the keyboard were used.  Now for the snooping and using the camera, it was wrong of her to use the camera without permission and it was wrong to be in your bedroom, but it was a mistake, that she most likely wont do again especially is she feels very guilty about it. when i was her age my grandparents had a NO FOOT steps in our room period rule, when they were out I went in their room, just too see why they didnt want me in there. But then i felt soo guilty about i couldnt even look them in the eye. sit her down have a long conversation with, and see where things go from there...If it where me I wouldnt have a problem with her using my computer because ALL "bad" sites are blocked through my network router. This could be another reason and I have seen this before, her parents might not/will not let her post picture of herself on any social netwok site, so she might have wanted to put one up without her parents knowing about it...no saying thats the case but it is something to consider.

689528 tn?1364135841
by Heatherm4, Nov 30, 2010

I think the best thing you could do is either find someone else that you can trust with your house, belongings and children OR let her know that you know what she did was wrong and that you're uncomfortable with it and give her or remind her of her boundaries.
Like someone said, she is 13 and will do stupid things and will probably not confess out of fear and embarassment. After a first warning and she still does something you aren't comfortable with...then it's time to let her go.
I too babysat when I was that age and yes you snoop a bit in someones house (out of boredom) but I don't ever recall going in people's rooms.

1461073 tn?1308677548
by crackerjack4u2, Nov 30, 2010
Hello I agree with a lot of the posts here.  She is 13 and although she may act mature for her age she is still 13 and kids that age tend to be nosy and tend to lie.  
Have you checked the history on the computer for Saturday night.  You can find out exactly which site she was on when the pictures most like got sent.  If she is on face book you can probably find those pics and possible those of your children on her site there too.    

I would definitely be upset by her being in your bedroom, her using and breaking the camera, her using the computer and downloading the pictures, all without your permission and then her lying about all of it.  You can bet she probably went through your jewelry box, closet and dresser drawers as well.  

If it were my situation to deal with.  I'd tell her straight up I know you went into our room, used and broke our camera, and downloaded the pictures on the computer, and you have this one final chance to tell me the truth.  Then say, I'm going to ask you one last time to tell me What happened Saturday night regarding the camera, and pictures while you were babysitting.  If she tells you the truth, I'd tell her Thank You for telling me the truth.  Then tell her we will give you ONE Final chance to prove to us you can be trusted to be here alone watching our kids, but you ARE NOT to be in any rooms other than (name the rooms she's allowed into while you are gone) and you ARE NOT to touch anything of ours without our permission, and there is to be NO MORE LYING.  Ask her, do you understand?  If she's allowed to use the computer fine, if you don't want her using the computer you can password lock it, if you think she will use it even after you told her she couldn't.  

I personally think it wouldn't matter if she was 13 or 19 if she's bored while you're away she will get on the computer if she can.  If she lies again about what happened I'd tell her, I'm sorry you chose to not tell me the truth about what happened Saturday Night and since I can't trust you to tell me the truth, I can't trust you to be at our house alone watching our children.  Either she will start crying and tell you the truth after you say that or after she's had a chance to think about it a day or 2 she will come clean and tell you she's sorry, and she doesn't know why she lied or she was afraid she was going to get into trouble or something like that, and then you can decide if you feel you can trust her at that point or not.  But I'd make it clear there is to be NO MORE LYING or that will be the end of her babysitting job.  

I Hope This Helps!    Keep Us Posted



1035252 tn?1427227833
by Ashelen, Nov 30, 2010
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I just wanted to let everyone know that Jen has told me that the situation has been resolved. I won't give any details other than to say that she's sorted it out and she is grateful for all the advice that she was given.

Thank you all!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~








~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

676912 tn?1332812551
by smjmekg, Nov 30, 2010
Thank you for updating Ashelen. I think now we can leave this subject be, and bring up any other topics elsewhere. :)

Glad you got things sorted Jen!

172023 tn?1334672284
by peekawho, Dec 03, 2010
It would be nice to know what was done, how the babysiter took it, and what her parents did.  Just so others facing the situation might know what worked.  

Jen, can you really not comment on this again?  I appreciate Ashelen filling in a little, but did I or anyone here hurt you so badly you can't even speak here again?

This was an excellent journal, a situation others might face, and there were good ideas brought up.  And wonderful food for thought contained inside it.  I saw no disrespect...a very mature discussion, actually, which is rare for MH.  

I'd hate to not know what worked.   Hope you can tell us.

470885 tn?1326329037
by Limonada, Dec 03, 2010
Sure, peekawho - no problem!  I guess a couple of responses rubbled me the wrong way - I don't expect everyone to agree with me and my point of view on any given situation, but word choice becomes so important when we don't have facial expression, voice tone, etc. to go on.

What happened was that my husband ended up speaking with our sitter and she denied knowing anything about what had happened for the second time - even when my husband made it clear that the camera had been fixed and appeared to be working again.  So he asked to speak to her dad (whom we know).  As she was handing the phone over to her dad, she was saying "oh, they SAY I took their camera and used it and broke it, but I DIDN'T".  DH explained the situation to her dad and mentioned we'd each spoken to her and she hadn't told us what had really happened and that, had she admitted knowing what had happened, we would likely have been able to move past it and wouldn't have involved them.  Her dad was very appreciative for the call, actually, and said they had a lot of things to talk about with her.  He also said he understood why we wouldn't feel comfortable trusting her in our home going forward.

A little while later, the sitter's mom called and asked if she could come and see the pictures in question - not so much because she didn't believe us, but because she wanted to see what exactly her daughter was up to.  We said sure and she came over.  Upon seeing everything, she said "well, she's definitely busted" and was apologizing profusely on her behalf.  She told us that their daughter was still insisting that she didn't know anything about what had happened.

I've since found out that she used one of the pictures as a profile picture on FB - and she'd told me recently that her parents weren't allowing her to have a FB account.  So, I guess that explains why she was doing that at our house.  AND why she's denying the whole thing so vehemently.

Please, no flames, friends :)  A 13 year old made some poor choices, but this is done and we feel comfortable with the decision we made and the steps that were taken.  We have been unable to locate a sitter for our upcoming function, so I'll be missing it. We're looking for new sitters to expand our pool.

470885 tn?1326329037
by Limonada, Dec 03, 2010
Oh, and I forgot to mention...

I'd already got a gift for our sitter for Christmas....

As we don't want her to feel awkward when we see each other in the neighbourhood (and because we really do wish her a very happy holiday and all the best in the future) I'm planning on preparing a card, wrapping the gift and dropping it by her house in the next few days.  I want her to know that we definitely don't hate her!

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by smjmekg, Dec 03, 2010
Unfortunate as the situation may have been, and your loss of a sitter...I think it's a good thing it all happened. You've learned in some aspect that you can never know 100% what's happening while you're away, and by sharing it in your journal have opened many other eyes to the possibilities...and for the girl, she's learning another life lesson about lying, and respecting others' property at the very least.

It's a learning experience all around. I'm sure that sounds odd, but I try to learn something from every possible negative situation in life so I know better the next time, and can be watchful.

Good luck finding another sitter Jen!

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by Limonada, Dec 03, 2010
You're definitely right, smj :)  We've learned that we can't just ASSUME that people know what is appropriate and what isn't:  from now on, we'll be a lot more up front about the ground rules for a sitter, especially one who is on the younger side.  I mean, I knew that doing something like that wasn't right, even when I was 13, but I can't assume that she did (although she DID lie about it - so she must have understood on some level).

It is surely a good learning experience for all concerned!!!

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