Dec 14, 2010
So, daddy and I been talking about getting our little one a big-girl's bed of her own. She seems to be getting rather tall for her crib and will be outgrowing it here very soon. Little did I know that the trip to the mattress store will actually lead to a sale….. in my own little world, she is indeed STILL a baby, she doesn't really NEED a bed right now.
Well, we got a huge deal on a nice set and will be picking it up on Friday.
The minute we stepped out of the store, and after a few scares from Maddie almost diving head first on to the floor while jumping on all those oh-so tempting beds…., I said full of confidence: 'I will sell that crib this week and we can make up for some of the money spent this weekend'.
Has not happened yet. Haven't even put the ad yet…… sheeeesh!, haven't even taken the pictures for the ad yet!….. reason behind it? no, not procrastination. Rather is my fear of 'loosing my baby'.
Am I the only psycho here that thinks if I hold on to my daughter's baby stuff, she will actually STAY a baby? like all her baby clothes? (I mean it's not just an outfit or two…. it's 4 full garbage bags of them!) or like her papasan?
I mean, I've done my selling, don't get me wrong. I've sold her beloved swing (was a nice one too!!!) and I almost couldn't stop myself from chasing the lady that bought it down the road begging her for a refund. After all, that was MY BABY'S swing! it was NOT for sale!!! …… I was indeed… loosing part of the memories with that swing. I was indeed not ready to give my baby's swing away. In any given case, for me it was worth a lot more than $40 bucks. A lot more.
So first was the switch from baby bottles to sippy cups. Then the pacifier recess. Then the potty training and now I have a whole pile of diapers that are neatly stored in her closet. Then her booty would actually touch the ground while she tried to squeeze into her papasan…. and now her crib?!?!?!? so, there is nothing I can think of really that would describe her as a BABY anymore?!?!?!?!?!
I'VE LOST MY BABY…….
I officially have a toddler (almost pre-schooler) at home, once that crib goes out the door….
I am floored.
I am extremely sad.
…. and I didn't even know it. I know I've been a little cranky lately but I thought it was the traffic of Baltimore, or annoying dog.
Nope, it's the transition of my beloved newborn to childhood….. and mommy is not ready.
Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely encourage my kid to learn new things, to say new words, to jump and run and sing and dance and dress up and GROW…. however, when I see her running like a big kid, bending her knees, and moving coordinately her arms with each step…. instead of the 'Frankenbaby' walk from when she was 10 months old, waddling her little chubby body around and falling in her tooshy every 10 steps….
… is gone.
No going back.
It's so bitter sweet.
I remember my mom telling me "mommy's cry….. all the time….. that's what we do……. because it hurts seeing you babies grow"……. it's now that I understand, exactly, what she meant with that.
Momma! I'm so sorry for growing up!!! I'm sorry for getting married!!! and leaving you behind!!!! =(
OK, alright…… this post is an emotional one……
I still get wowed to see my 'newborn' say: 'hey mommy, what ju doin'?'…. newborns are supposed to coo and ahhh… right? My jaw still drops when I see her count to 20 and say the correct color….. SHE IS A BABY!!!!
No, she's a child now.
She is a beautiful, healthy, intelligent, loving, momma's little girl. That's what she is…. and momma would NOT have it any other way.