Dec 16, 2010
So I left last week on my cruise, and I was actually really surprised at how well I handled it for the most part. I survived the 13 hour drive, getting on the boat, and then everything else, and only once did I feel panicky and that was after drinking in Mexico.
I never really felt sea sick, even though on Thursday we hit really rough seas and the crew was handing out barf bags. I was totally fine until I stepped on land. I've been sick ever since then, feeling nauseous and like I'm still on the boat. Everything is rocking, bobbing, and I feel like I'm being pushed and pulled in every direction. When I walk I feel like I'm walking uphill, then downhill. It's really weird. My aunt told me this would happen and told me not to panic, but telling me not to panic when something feels weird and I'm sick is like telling a blind man to just stop not being able to see.
I got on the internet to look up land sickness, which led me to the wiki page on a rare disembarkation sickness that can last years for the unlucky few who get it. I of course freaked out and now believe that I probably have that. That or a brain tumor.
The 13 hour drive home I was able to hold it together, even though I was so sick and dizzy that I wanted to die. Then Sunday night I went to dinner with my friend and I fell apart. I didn't exactly feel panicky, just really, really weird and tired and sad. I just started bawling and I couldn't really explain to him what was going on, which always makes me feel like a crazy person who can't control my emotions.
I've just felt weird and off all week, really tired and depressed. I'm worrying now that I ate something weird or got something horrible in Mexico since I had a drink with ice in it. It's a long shot in Cabo, I'm sure they try hard to keep their ice clean, but who knows.
I'm hoping this is just some post vacation blues coupled with the release of all the anxiety I had before and during the trip. Maybe my body and my mind are just worn out from all the stressing that I did, and now it's just done. It's letting me know that it needs a break, that I need to calm down and relax.
Which is what I thought I was doing with a vacation, but apparently not.
I just wish I could pinpoint exactly what's wrong, without worrying about every possible horrible thing it could be. What if, what if, what if. That seems to be all I've thought this week.