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Dec 21, 2010 - 7 comments
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Feeling okayish. A couple of hiccups so far including being pretty triggered by a Neurofen commercial and having a brief, but potent urge to take a lot.
Also, my little french brother asked me what the big scars were on my arm, probably the only time ive had short sleeves since being here. I hurriedly responded the first thing that came into my head "uh, my cat".
He seemed to accept it and let it go but bot him and Margaux know I don't have a cat (I think).
Bailed to my room, put on my flannel and felt a bit better.
Also, my french family seems less comfortable with me smoking a lot, which is a little unsettling, because it helps me.
I think i'm still improving, please please don't fall again.
Mood Tracker
Also, my little french brother asked me what the big scars were on my arm, probably the only time ive had short sleeves since being here. I hurriedly responded the first thing that came into my head "uh, my cat".
He seemed to accept it and let it go but bot him and Margaux know I don't have a cat (I think).
Bailed to my room, put on my flannel and felt a bit better.
Also, my french family seems less comfortable with me smoking a lot, which is a little unsettling, because it helps me.
I think i'm still improving, please please don't fall again.
Mood Tracker
6:44
******* ****, almost broke down bad, was gonna freak the **** out if they hassled me about smoking but they didnt so it was okay.
I feel very sick, the hospitalisation thing is ******* with me again. I really feel volatile. I think ill take my last sleeping pill soon. I wish I had more. ****.
Goddam it I hate my mind so ******* much. The pit is pulling me back in and by the time you realise you are falling there is next to nothing you can do. Distraction normally helps, but I cant let myself now.
Hopefuly things will be better tomorrow but right now, I am pretty damn ****.
******* ****, almost broke down bad, was gonna freak the **** out if they hassled me about smoking but they didnt so it was okay.
I feel very sick, the hospitalisation thing is ******* with me again. I really feel volatile. I think ill take my last sleeping pill soon. I wish I had more. ****.
Goddam it I hate my mind so ******* much. The pit is pulling me back in and by the time you realise you are falling there is next to nothing you can do. Distraction normally helps, but I cant let myself now.
Hopefuly things will be better tomorrow but right now, I am pretty damn ****.
As if this censors my posts.
Loss of respect, its MY ******* JOURNAL WHY THE **** CANT I EXPRESS MYSELF PROPERLY IN IT.
**** YOU WORLD.
Loss of respect, its MY ******* JOURNAL WHY THE **** CANT I EXPRESS MYSELF PROPERLY IN IT.
**** YOU WORLD.
I want to take sleeping pill(s) but I'd be embarassed when i talk to her tomorrow and im supposed to wake her.
So i dunno what ill do.
Bed time.
So i dunno what ill do.
Bed time.
******* JOURNAL WONT CUNTING LET ME ******* SAY ****
and man **** em, im here for you when you get back and we are going to smoke so ******* much xD
and man **** em, im here for you when you get back and we are going to smoke so ******* much xD
YOU CAN SAY CUNTING
so much <3
for the record didnt take any sleeping pills.
was reflecting, i wasnt dissociating yesterday, was pretty lucid. maybe thats a plus?
keep on trucking.
for the record didnt take any sleeping pills.
was reflecting, i wasnt dissociating yesterday, was pretty lucid. maybe thats a plus?
keep on trucking.
yeah man its definantly a plus :)
see ya soon boyo
see ya soon boyo
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