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Okay with exceptions

Dec 21, 2010 - 7 comments
Tags:

okay

,

scars

,

suicidal urge

,

pills

,

Smoking



Feeling okayish. A couple of hiccups so far including being pretty triggered by a Neurofen commercial and having a brief, but potent urge to take a lot.

Also, my little french brother asked me what the big scars were on my arm, probably the only time ive had short sleeves since being here. I hurriedly responded the first thing that came into my head "uh, my cat".

He seemed to accept it and let it go but bot him and Margaux know I don't have a cat (I think).

Bailed to my room, put on my flannel and felt a bit better.

Also, my french family seems less comfortable with me smoking a lot, which is a little unsettling, because it helps me.

I think i'm still improving, please please don't fall again.

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1539385 tn?1295420774
by benjim, Dec 21, 2010
6:44

******* ****, almost broke down bad, was gonna freak the **** out if they hassled me about smoking but they didnt so it was okay.

I feel very sick, the hospitalisation thing is ******* with me again. I really feel volatile. I think ill take my last sleeping pill soon. I wish I had more. ****.

Goddam it I hate my mind so ******* much. The pit is pulling me back in and by the time you realise you are falling there is next to nothing you can do. Distraction normally helps, but I cant let myself now.

Hopefuly things will be better tomorrow but right now, I am pretty damn ****.

1539385 tn?1295420774
by benjim, Dec 21, 2010
As if this censors my posts.

Loss of respect, its MY ******* JOURNAL WHY THE **** CANT I EXPRESS MYSELF PROPERLY IN IT.

**** YOU WORLD.

1539385 tn?1295420774
by benjim, Dec 21, 2010
I want to take sleeping pill(s) but I'd be embarassed when i talk to her tomorrow and im supposed to wake her.

So i dunno what ill do.

Bed time.

1540910 tn?1293005525
by Hmaw, Dec 22, 2010
******* JOURNAL WONT CUNTING LET ME ******* SAY ****
and man **** em, im here for you when you get back and we are going to smoke so ******* much xD

1540910 tn?1293005525
by Hmaw, Dec 22, 2010
YOU CAN SAY CUNTING

1539385 tn?1295420774
by benjim, Dec 22, 2010
so much <3

for the record didnt take any sleeping pills.

was reflecting, i wasnt dissociating yesterday, was pretty lucid. maybe thats a plus?

keep on trucking.

1540910 tn?1293005525
by Hmaw, Dec 22, 2010
yeah man its definantly a plus :)
see ya soon boyo

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