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Could my son have ADHD?

Dec 29, 2010 - 8 comments


Before I write anything, I want to emphasize that I am NOT looking for yes or no answers. I am not trying to diagnose my child online. The intent of this journal is for me to simply put my thoughts and concerns about my six year old son out there in hopes that anyone with similar situations can maybe tell me that my thoughts and concerns could be valid, or maybe I'm just too stressed and exhausted and I'm simply crazy for wondering about this, and he's a perfectly normal, happy, healthy and extremely energetic boy.
I guess I have spent the last four years basically hoping and convincing myself that my son's activity level and impulsiveness is normal for a boy his age, and for most children his age. But as he gets older, bigger, stronger, and develops more independence, I am finding that as each day goes by, I'm having a more difficult time managing energy level and lack of attention beyond a few minutes.
He is a really good kid; he's very intuitive and sensitive, emphathetic, good-natured and charismatic. He has a very giving heart for people. He's very outgoing, sociable, and can easily get along with a person of literally any age. He definitely does not lack anything in the social development part of his life.
He is also very intelligent...when he's able to focus. And by that, I don't mean that he can't pay attention or not follow instructions. He does quite well in those areas. What I mean is that he can't seem to apply himself enough to focus on keeping much self control, so it oftentimes seems like he doesn't want to do the things he's learned or follow through, when really he can, but his attention has to CONSTANTLY be redirected until he's completed the task. For example, it's difficult for me to help keep his attention on finishing most things ranging from his homework (handwriting skills and reading) to reciting bedtime prayers to getting dressed and even finishing his meals, because he wants to get up and come and go and do as he pleases. He's not a brat or defiant about it most of the time, he's just not focused and seems to have a million and one things to do, including just running back and forth across the house hollering like Tarzan for no apparent reason. And no, I'm not exaggerating about that--and it's not like it's even really imaginative play most times. It's more like he just has nothing better to do with himself so he just runs, climbs, jumps, spins, crawls, etc. He comes running into the kitchen on the lenolium floor in his socks just to fall and slide across the floor; he will do this over and over again. It wouldn't be so bad, and seem normal even, if he didn't do this all. the. time...for no reason other than he can't think of anything else to do with himself, even though he has tons of time-engaging, thought-consuming toys, play equipment, electronic games, movies, coloring books, you name it. And it's not like he doesn't get enough outside play time or exercise--that's what we try to do with him each day to help! But it's like NOTHING wears this boy out! You could make him run a mile and he would STILL be running through the house, sliding across the lenolium, crashing into the walls, jumping off the couch, and swinging from the rafters on his bunk bed.
I found this list on quite a few websites about the symptoms of ADHD. I've put asterisks by the symptoms he has regularly.

The Inattentive List:
- Has difficulty following instructions
- Has difficulty keeping attention on work or play activities at school and at home
- Loses things needed for activities at school and at home
- Appears not to listen
- Doesn't pay close attention to details**
- Seems disorganized
- Has trouble with tasks that require planning ahead
- Forgets things
- Is easily distracted**

The Hyperactive/Impulsive List:
- Fidgety**
- Runs or climbs inappropriately**
- Can't play quietly
- Blurts out answers** (and constantly makes loud obnoxious, noises)
- Interrupts people**
- Can't stay in seat**
- Talks too much**
- Is always on the go**
- Has trouble waiting his or her turn

As you can see, my main concern is his hyperactivity. He does not seem to have a problem learning or paying attention to anything, or following instructions and staying fairly organized with his stuff so it's not lost. But his energy level...!!!
His last two report cards from school have stated that he has trouble working without disrupting other students and his teacher commented something about him having a "very exubrant personality" that needs a lot of structure.
No kidding.
She also says he tries to hurry through his work so he can be up playing or interacting with the other kids, and if he has any difficulty with his work or isn't one of the first to finish, he gets *extremely* frustrated (he does this with homework, too) and starts to "shut down," and it becomes challenging to help him regain and retain his focus to finish. Other than that, his teacher hasn't expressed any concern to me about his behavior. I think if it were "bad" enough, I'd have heard from her by now about it, so he must not be too out of the norm compared to his classmates.
Ever since he’s been two years old (although his energy level was higher than his daycare peers as early as 15 months), a lot of people, both random people and people I know as friends and family, have made comments or asked me if he has ADHD because he’s so active. When he was three, I remember his pedi telling me that he showed symptoms of ADHD and if they were not more manageable or worsened by kindergarten, then we may need to consider testing him for it (I was offended at the time, but now I’m really wondering).
Plus, in church, all the other kids his age…and I mean ALL the other kids his age…are able to sit through the praise/worship part of the service (about 20-30 minutes before all the kids are dismissed for children's church) quietly and oftentimes with nothing more to do than color a picture or just sit and listen. I’ve NEVER been able to do that with my son, even to this day. Every few minutes, my husband or I has to get onto him and remind him to be quiet and (mostly) still because he wants to crawl all over and under the pew, between us, around us, back and forth to the library room to get a book, flip through it, and take it back for another, go get a drink downstairs, go to the bathroom, ask for the millionth time if it’s time for children’s church yet (when he KNOWS the routine), play with the other kids, or find someway to be disruptive to the people around us, especially if they’re other kids, by making faces or sounds at them.
He can never seem to keep his hands to himself and usually acts impulsively when it comes to physical contact with other people: he has to touch someone, he is always hanging on me or trying to touch me inappropriately (for his age now, but a lot of that is due to him having a baby brother who's nursing), he can’t just give a normal kiss without sliming someone’s face with his spit, we are always getting on to him to either be more careful and calmer around his baby brother or not touch him at all (last night when in the bed with me for prayers, he was poking his brother in the head while he was nursing, after I’d already told him to not bounce on the bed, be still, be quiet, say prayers, and keep his hands and feet to himself specifically to get the baby calmed down for sleeping). It’s like no matter how many warnings you give him, or threats of consequences, or carrying out the consequences over and over and over every single day…he STILL does the things he knows he’s not supposed to do, and it’s like he does them with no impulse control.
He knows the consequences he will face—giving up a dollar he's earned or getting a yellow apple at school (color coded card system: green, yellow, red as per behavior good, warning, bad with note sent home) and losing recess time or even getting a toy thrown away right in front of him for not using it properly or not putting it away after we've told him to more than three times.
It’s like he cannot seem to master his impulsive self control issues for more than a few hours or a few days at a time. He responds better to my husband than to me, but at the same time, my son doesn’t seem to be grasping or overcoming anything long term. His activity level, loudness, and impulsiveness are a consistent problem we have with him every single day, throughout the day.
I’ve felt jealous of other parents whose children are easily manageable in places like church, and with my son it’s always been so challenging to keep his activity level under control—I’ve felt this way since he was about 15 months old. Now that he’s getting bigger and developing more independence, he’s much harder for me to manage physically and mentally. I don’t know—I may just be exhausted and burnt out and feeling desperate to get him to just settle down a little bit.
Does his activity level and self control seem perfectly normal for a 6 year old boy?

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973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Dec 29, 2010
Hi!  Your boy and my boy could be friends!!  Let me say that I can completely relate.  I think we mom's are born with these warning bells inside.  When mine was ringing, it was a very rough time for me emotionally.

There was a period of time in which I just knew deep down inside something wasn't quite right but I made every excuse I could and tried to see things in a different way than saying something was wrong with my child.  It was my husband that said "enough---------- if there IS something going on, we'll address it and make it better!"  Duh!  Of course we would.  But I was caught in this spiral of what did it mean and not wanting things to be harder for my boy and how would his future be.  I was so anxious and depressed over it.  Until I had a kind of epiphany--------- I realized in a split second that my boy is my boy to me and any diagnosis would not change that.  And my goal from that second on was to help him cope and do the best he could.  

Now I have two boys.  My oldest has sensory integration disorder which is adhd's look alike cousin.  They are very similar in many regards.  Both involve the nervous system and have things like impulsivity, lack of focus, etc. involved.  My son is also a sensory seeker---------- which means "watch out"--------- he may crash into you.  He goes for the impact because his nervous system craves it.  He also has motor planning issues which means that things like hand writing are harder for him.  And what does a sensory kid do when it is hard?  They avoid it.  Any way they can, they avoid it.  My son had some tactile things where water on his hands bugged him to the point of tears but he'd seek out sand and finger paint.  Conflicting reactions but both very sensory like.  My son's go button was always on.  

To be honest, most of what is on your list was on my son's too.  

Now to also be honest, I have a second child.  He does NOT have sensory or adhd but . . . he can at different times have some of the things you mention on his list too.  Kids can just be like that.  

So that is when I go back to the warning bell system we Mom's have.  I never worried about my second child--------  I always worried about my older one.  There was a difference.  

Your boy does sound like it may be worth an evaluation of some sort.  I went the occupational therapy route which was the best thing I've ever done in my whole life (besides have kids in the first place).  They worked on things to help my son "slow" down his nervous system or engine as we call it.  They helped with handwriting and other fine motor things so that he was comfortable in school and at home doing it.  They worked on a lot of areas and we have seen dramatic improvement.  My son does fantastic in school.  He just turned 7 and is in the first grade.  He has a list of things that he can do himself in class to calm himself so that he can "stay with the group".  I just can't say enough about what we've learned to help him "blend" in and do what he needs to do.  

I have ---------- oh, I don't know, about a million tips for the things you mention as I've made it my day job to address these issues in my child the past two and a half years.  I'm always happy to share if you are interested.  

But I want you to know that you are not alone.  Many parents have concerns about their kids and almost every family has "something" extra going on.  Some kids do indeed grow out of things and others need a little help.  I have one who is growing out of it and one we've helped.  Both are doing well.  Your boy may need a little help----------

and it is important to remember that a child that has sensory integration disorder (again, encourage you to look that up online) or adhd/add often feels quite uncomfortable on the inside.  We help them so that they feel good in their own skin.  

Pm me anytime hon.  Not a situation out there that I probably haven't been through with a "busy" child!!  Peace.

184674 tn?1360864093
by AHP84, Dec 29, 2010
I have heard of sensory integration dysfunction, but don't know much about it other than its symptoms mimicking ADHD. However, I don't know if my son has any odd quirks about sensory issues--I'm not sure, though. Guess that would be part of an evaluation at the pediatrician?
The *only* quirks I can think of that he has that would relate to a sensory dysfunction would be wet clothes and having his hair combed. If he spills water or something wet on his clothes, oh my gosh...the world will end as we know it. And ever since he's been a baby, combing his hair has been like trying to wrestle a python. Even the teeniest tangle gets pulled, and he's wailing. Or I'm combing too hard (when I'm barely touching him). Or the brush or comb is too sharp. Needless to say, I keep his hair buzzed pretty short.
But those issues I can deal with--no problem.
It's just the activity level and impulsive behavior lately. I feel like we've tried everything we know to do and stay consistent with disciplining him, but it's like he's just not getting it. He keeps doing the same behavior that gets him into trouble day after day, and it's all cetered around self control issues and energy level.
Everything else that could discipline behavior into a positive change is fine--he suffered a few harsh consequences for lying, and he doesn't lie anymore. He suffered a few harsh consequences for aggressiveness in a state of anger, and he is really good at curbing his aggression now. He has had his mouth washed with soap maybe two or three times for cuss words or nasty backtalk, and he got the message and we don't have those issues with him ever since.
But self control? Curbing his energy? It's like working with a brick wall! He knows what the consequences are, but he still does the same things again and again. I am at a total loss as to why this is so difficult for him. :-(

203342 tn?1328740807
by April2, Dec 29, 2010
In a lot of ways he sounds like a pretty normal, energetic little boy. I'm not there to witness a lot of this, of course.
I'd get more than one opinion, though. He's still young and a lot of that behavior he could outgrow. I don't even think they normally diagnose ADHD this young. At least, that's what they said about my son but maybe the military insurance does things differently. They said they don't like to diagnose ADHD until they're about 8 or 9 because the meds are so powerful. Those meds are what make me the most nervous. My nephew took Ritalin and acted drugged out when he was on it. They tried to convince me my oldest had ADHD because he was wiggly in his seat and would daydream a lot, so we finally put him on the smallest dosage of Ritalin. The next year, 6th grade, his teatcher told us he did NOT need Ritalin and tested our son at reading at an 11th grade level. So I think in his case he was extremely bright and bored in school. Sometimes that can be the case, so just look into all options.

I know you're like me in that you prefer natural remedies so check first and see if he reacts to anything like red food dye or wheat, etc. I'd see if he has any food sensitivities as that can cause behavorial problems.
Something we are trying is fish oil. We heard that can really help kids focus better and behave better because fish oil nurishes the brain. It's the good fats our brains need and doesn't get enough of. It can't hurt to try it. If he can't take pills, you can get it in liquid form in the refrigerated section of your local health food store. They even come in different flavors so they taste good! But it's expensive so keep that in mind.
I recommend you read "Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos - how to help the child who is bright, bored, and having problems in school." By Lucy Jo Palladino, Ph.D.
The book was formally called "The Edison Trait" because this doctor said Edison was thought to have ADHD. He flunked out of school, only to later make some of our greatest inventions.

I do think there may be some sensory issues there with what you're describing with the hair combing, etc. It sounds like he's more sensitive to touch maybe? Like Specialmom said, OT can help with that. She knows a lot about that stuff and has helped give me tips for my son too. My son goes to OT and Speech but is getting ready to end the Speech since he's doing so well with that. The people at the clinic he goes to are wonderful and we love them. He's been going for 2 years and I've seen a huge improvement.
I think it's certainly something to look into to. Just be careful and don't let any doctors or teachers push you into medicating your child just yet. If he's able to function well enough in school and he's not totally disrupting his class then I don't think he needs medication at this point. However, the OT may be a good idea. Also look into natural remedies to help, like the fish oil, and try to keep him busy (I know you do!), like the classes he takes for Te Kwondo (I'm sure I spelled that wrong!) He may need more exercise than the average kid to run off that excess energy.

He sounds like a wonderful boy, full of energy, sweet, thoughtful and very bright. Even if he drives you batty right now, just think of Edison! He drove all his teachers and mother batty but wound up being one of our greatest inventors. Maybe Trevor will be a great Scientist some day! Who knows! I think you are doing a wonderful job with him. He's very fortunate to have such great parents to help mold him into the wonderful young man he's turning into. :) I hope one of these days I can meet this little sweetie and our boys can get together to play some day. :) Take care and I sure hope some of this stress lets up on you all soon! Hugs!

1035252 tn?1427231433
by Ashelen, Dec 29, 2010
I've wondered if, with Kahlan, we're staring down the barrel of a budding ADHD case.....she is...well...intense. She can, like your boy, run a mile and still be tearing the house apart with energy. My parents' house is over 100ft long and she'll run LAPS back and forth down the long hallway that stretches through the center and still have enough energy to continue playing without even a pause to sit. We don't give her caffeine and she rarely gets sugar. she's just INSANE when it comes to energy levels. she has a hard time focusing but I attribute that to her age. the only thing that concerns me is the sheer amount of energy. She can run rings around most toddlers her age and it really worries me...but I'm not going to REALLY worry until/unless it continues into school age.

For now, all I can do is try not to tear my hair out and try to keep her stimulated and provide safe places for her to release her energy.

I would say...just keep an eye on how he develops. he is VERY bright, and while he has the potential for an issue (whether it's sensory integration or it's ADHD), right now you can try some different distraction techniques and see if you can't channel his energy into something more constructive. if you can find an activity (or activities) that can effectively channel his energy and help divert it, I would say you have little to no problem. If it continues or worsens yes...I'd start to worry.

My husband was ALMOST diagnosed with ADHD growing up and would've had that "label" had one smart doctor not said "can he sit down and pl ay a video game for 30 minutes?" and of course his mom said "yes, when he wants to" and the doctor laughed and said "then he's not full-blown ADHD. he's just a boy"

I do want ot tell you that I can completely relate to your frustration. Kahlan has been nonstop since she could walk. to the point where she's brought me to tears by just sheer energy at the end of the day...when she's still bouncing and screaming and running (she NEVER sits during the day...and I mean NEVER>..once in a blue moon, and during meals (if I strap her down) )...and it's exhausting. I've only had a year and a half of it so far though...I hope she outgrows this by 6 because I don't know how you handle it, lol.

*hugs* Audrey just keep an eye on it :-). You know your boy. if you truly think something MAY be wrong, it wouldn't hurt to get an eval and go from there...but I think he's just one little ball of energy. I didn't see anywhere if you he in any sports? kung fu? baseball? soccer? we're enrolling both of our kids in kung fu and horseback riding at 4, and at 3 Kahlan will go into ballet and at 3 Grey still start his early-ffencing classes....hopefully we can start to channel some of her energfy into more productive areas that way, and while I don't think we'll have the same energy issue with Grey (Kahlan's been wired from the get-go whereas Grey is very laid back) I still think it's healthy...if he already isn't in classes you might want ot look around and see what's offered :-). Hang in there girl, you're an AWESOME mom and you have two amazing boys who, God knows, try you at the best of times....but you can totally do it. don't feel alone!

1035252 tn?1427231433
by Ashelen, Dec 29, 2010
lsdjflsdjfdlskfjldskf,jlsdkfdsjl @ my typos. FRELL. It took me 4 tries to get the word "typos" spelled right, and then I misspelled "word"....sdkfjdslkfjdsfksjdflkskjdf. i give up. LOL. you know where to find me if you need to talk on FB. *grumble grumble*

171768 tn?1324233699
by tiredbuthappy, Dec 30, 2010
Interestingly, my thoughts also went to sensory integration disorder as a possibility. Of course, ADHD is possible, as is nothing. But it sounds like all 3 are worthy of consideration. I would not dismiss it or give it more time for a couple of reasons- first off, you sense something may be wrong. Secondly, it is getting worse and not better. And thirdly, your pediatrician saw warning signs years ago.
Do not fear a diagnosis. A diagnosis does not mean you have to medicate. A diagnosis does mean your son gets the support he needs at school. Kids with ADHD or sensory integration aren't pulled and put into special classes. They get accommodations that help them learn to cope with whatever is going on and to help them function normally in a classroom setting.  A diagnosis does mean you get answers and support for yourself and your husband.

I am also a very strong supporter of OT, and apply some of the theories in my classroom for all children, including those who have challenging behaviors but no diagnosable condition. You may want to try some of these things in your home, regardless of outcome of evaluations. For the most "wild" or volatile children, sensory play helps tremendously. I quickly learned that for some kids, in order to have a calm day, I had to start them off with sensory play, either in the sand table, the water table, finger painting, play dough, etc... By simply doing these activities in the beginning of the day, the rest of the day was much calmer. Since it's winter, you can bring in a big bin of snow and let him create. I do this at home with my kids and just put a towel under the bin on the kitchen floor. Give him old dried out markers and let him paint the snow (also works with water colors). Play dough is wonderful and you can even make your own (find a recipe with cream of tartar that you cook- just as good as commercial stuff). I give my girls play dough and let them use kitchen tools (great way to practice using a fork and plastic knife) and let them create. We also have play pots and pans, so they "cook" it for hours.
Save a big box and let it be his fort. Let him color or paint it. I would also suggest you explore science activities with him, as kids like him often are fascinated by scientific exploration and it may slow them down a bit. You can make color bottles by putting baby oil, colored water, and sequins, buttons, etc... into a water bottle. Glue the top shut. You can purchase a tornado tube connector for just a few dollars and make a tornado bottle using 2 soda bottles. Really cool and kids his age LOVE it. Give him a fridge magnet and have him discover what it sticks to in the the home. Or put small metallic objects into a water bottle with sand, glue the cap on, and let him explore it by using a magnet on the outside.
Of course, these activities aren't a cure. But they are ways to help keep him engaged and focused in a positive way in the home. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

184674 tn?1360864093
by AHP84, Dec 30, 2010
I am certain that for peace of mind in all this, I want to have him evaluated as soon as he's back in school next week and I can talk to his teacher, then set up an appointment with his pediatrician.
Believe me, more than ANYBODY, I've spent the last five years of his life convincing myself that he just has a lot of energy and all I need to do is find ways to work around it. And really, as of now, it's not so bad that I'm freaking out or's just that I'm seeing red flags in all this for him, and I don't want it to get worse. If he has a problem, I want to get it under control now, not later when he's "in too deep" and it would be more of a challenge for everyone to work with him to overcome it.
I'm hoping that this next semester, we can get him into some kind of sport. Over this last year, we just didn't have the time or money to put him into his school's soccer program, which he really wanted to do. I know sports are something that could help channel his energy, however, I'm also concerned that once the sport is done for the day, he still has the same energy level he had when he started. That's the way it's always been; I had him in taekwondo at age three, and it didn't wear him out at all after class, and like I mentioned in my initial post, we can take him to the park down the street for an hour or to the walking track and have him walk or ride his bike for a mile--and then we bring him home and it's still the same thing of running around, bouncing off the furniture, fidgeting, etc.
If he does happen to have ADHD or SID, I don't think it's an extreme case. If he's guided and disciplined effectively, productively, and positively, then getting him to master his self control and retain his focus is not difficult--the thing is that it just doesn't seem to last very long. It's a constant process, depending on the situation and circumstances, from minute to minute or hour to hour. It just gets to a point after so many redirectives that it gets wearisome and frustrating, because oftentimes, he's doing something he enjoys or is in a place he wants to be, so it's not like he wants to misbehave or lose control.
I'm willing and WANTING to accept that he's normal but just high maintenance, but it's getting more difficult to simply accept that as time goes on and he gets older, and I see that 90% of every other kid his age, as well as younger and older kids, seem calmer, laid back, focused...and overall easier for adults to manage. I mean, sure you see every kid have their moment and act up or have an off day...but in general, most other kids I see are nowhere near as active as my son on a daily basis. I actually feel this immense sense of relief when I see another child as energetic as mine, because they seem to be in the minority. I'm not talking about a "problem child" that needs extensive social behavioral therapy for any reason--just the energy level. He has wonderful social skills and is not a defiant type of kid. He's just extremely hyper and lacks focus.
Now what I HAVE noticed about my son is that he does seem to respond well to sensory play for longer periods of time than any other kind of play. He's still in constant motion and always talking, but he seems to keep his focus longer. For example, last night, he and I built a wooden dinosaur skeleton together. His job was to pop all the pieces out of the wooden pallet for me to put together with glue. It took about 30-40 minutes to complete, and only about the last 10 minutes was when he lost all focus--normally for any other activity, his focus is gone in less than 20 minutes. However, while he was sitting at the kitchen table with me to build this, he could not sit still in his seat and he was talking up a storm. That, I understand, it normal--but for him, the significant issue was keeping his focus for over 30 minutes before he was off wanting to run wild again. It's the same with Legos, Transformer toys, and building blanket forts. It's like if it's something he can build or manipulate, it keeps his focus much longer than coloring or drawing, video games, or some kind of imaginitive play with things like action figures (as a side note, he says he wants to be an architect and a fireman when he grows up, lol). But once his focus is gone, he goes wild, and reining him back in takes a LOT of work. He's not easily distracted into doing something else for very long, because his focus is already gone. He can regain it again with guidance, but only for another 15 minutes or so. This is how we have to work with him nearly every day.
I'm going to look into that book April recommended, because I do know a lot of his issues may be due to boredom. He is so intelligent, but can't seem to harness his focus for long. When he does though, the things he can do are amazing; his intelligence and artistic potential really shine.
But mainly, I just want to know from a doctor and behavioral professionals if he will need some extra help, hopefully without medication, which I want to avoid if at all possible. I feel like I've hit a dead end in how to deal with him--I'm not sure if it's because I'm exhausted and stressed with every other issue going on in life, or if we need help finding another approach to work with him. Either way, I want the best for my son and right now, I feel like I can't provide it as well as I can without some help.

203342 tn?1328740807
by April2, Dec 30, 2010
Well, from my understanding kids with ADHD are usually very bright and very creative kids so there's  a lot of positives there. It's not all negative.
Ty Pennington gave an interview once about him growing up with ADHD. His mother kept saying God had a purpose for him and he would know when he found it. When he got the job doing Extreme Makeover Home Edition he knew je found his purpose. All that energy that used to get him in trouble is now channeled for something good. And which of us would ever want Ty to change? All that energy and charm Iis  what makes him who he is and endears so many to his enthusiasm for what he does.

They think a lot of our great inventors may have had ADHD. They just didn't know enough about it even 20 years ago or so.
The only thing that worries me is how quickly so many children are diagnosed and medicated.any of these children may not even have it. They thought my daughter might have it but found put (almost by accident) that she had APD instead, where she's not processing everything she hears correctly. It greatly mimics ADHD.

Like I said, I think they know more now. They should offer teaching tools to help the child, not just medication.

I hope you get some answers soon! Trevor is such a sweet little boy!
Sorry if there are any typos here as I tend to make more on this tiny keyboard on this stupid IPhone! Take care!

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