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No Control..

Jan 12, 2008 - 14 comments
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sick of it !!



2585?1217910684
I'm suppose to be weening off methadone, but i keep telling myself i can take more now and i'll just eliminate days off the end. i guess thats why there are clinics for this stuff. i get a script of 75 for the taper process and i'm down to 35 pills. i hate this ****, i think i'm so commited to staying the course and boom, addiction takes over. i need to be stapped to a bed and givin the dose by a nurse....
well wish me luck, but i need more than that.              -jessejames

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385322 tn?1200185402
by drawing_restraint, Jan 12, 2008
Completely understand.....i could not be trusted with weening myself off....i had to hand the pills over to someone else...or i had to leave some at work...it gets ridiculous....but i did the same exact thing and kept telling myself i would be ok to take a few extra today and then i would taper off tomorrow....i never had any prescription though so i was buying pills off the street in quantities upwards of 200 at a time and i would blow through that in about 2 weeks.  you have to let someone else help...i am the most stubborn *** in the world but i gave them up and yes it caused arguments and really tried my friendship but you will be amazed how it can pay off...good luck the lows suck but it gets better....and then it will slide again....and then get much better....

374251 tn?1246235657
by jessejames31, Jan 12, 2008
i guess i just need to give them to someone who'll give me what i need everyday and not let me have more. problem is, i dont have anyone like that. i wish i could go on a three week vacation, and just withdraw.. but reality is, i need to go to work all week and take care of my daughter on the week-end.. if theres a will theres a way, i think..?

-jessejames

385322 tn?1200185402
by drawing_restraint, Jan 12, 2008
you can try to just keep a scrap peice of paper and just right down the time and quantity of each time you take them...the next day challenge yourself to stretch it....even if it is just slightly...

Avatar universal
by marcatj, Jan 12, 2008
yes buddy, if there is a will, there IS a way...

and you really want to do this for your daughter...

can you see a doctor - an addiction specialist - who can help you?  maybe replace the meth with sub, which has a ceiling effect?

i couldn't be trusted with pills, either.  i ate them.  i had a buddy doll them out to me for awhile, then that stopped - then i gobbled them up again.  i just can't have them around me.  and alot of people are like us...

have you considered the sub? and/or n-a meetings or counceling?  it has the poetnial to help you tremendously..

if there's a will, there's a way... :-)

mary

Avatar universal
by lasherslaugh, Jan 12, 2008
Stick a picture of your daughter to the bottle just as a reminder that she needs you and loves her Daddy very much.I hope this doesn't offend you I'm just hoping you get off this before it gets worse even if it means shocking you with this suggestion.

352798 tn?1399298154
by GoingToMakeIt, Jan 22, 2008
Lasherlaugh has a very good idea there. Have you done it yet?
You can do this. Write out a contract for you to follow. Sign it. Post it where you'll see it. Date it. Initial it every day.

I still like the picture thing. Great motivator.

Avatar universal
by sunshine499, Jan 24, 2008
New to this discussion...hope I am not intruding...Man,,do I know what your going through., Gave my pills to my husband after eating 80 percocet in 5 days...He gave me 5 a day for a week then 4 for a week, then I went out and got some more behind his back. Couldnt live with the guilt..told him...we went to my doctor and told him what I was doing..gave me a 12 time released medication..it works for the pain but I am still pumping the percocet...what is wrong with me..I have support and more pain relief then ever but Im afraid of getting sick again...I am going to do the picture thing...I am not going to give in to the demonic voices in my head telling me I will never get clean...Thank you for all of your honesty..it is so helpful to me.

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by sadinmichigan, Jan 26, 2008
This may be way too late of a response but I'm new here. I beg you please don't take anymore than your supposed to. Weaning off of methadone in my opinion is extremely difficult. Honestly there is no difference in withdrawal from 65mg/day to 3mg  .I had just as bad withdrawals. I decided to go cold turkey off 65mg/daily and I can say that was the worst thing that I have ever had to go through in my life. I don't even remember much except the torment. it took about 6 weeks to even leave the house. methadone is wicked stuff and you don't even get buzzed. If you are weaning off wean off very very slowly. most of the Dr's don't even really know how to wean people off of anything. Good Luck

372366 tn?1284403873
by HARRYBEADS, Feb 24, 2008
jesse

  Your doing the impossible by your self, you need some support from AA or NA or a minister, counselor. You did not get this way by yourself and you need help beating it.
Can you get in a clinic for a few weeks?That what it took for me and a bunch of straps.
This will be a life long battle, still can't see needles. Your methadone script writer should be able to help, ask them!!!!! Toughest thing to do admit your weak but we opiatofiles are weak around it our (cryptonite).

  How is the treatment coming, I cleared 1a after 48 weeks, quit sucsessfully about 25 years ago. Have you thought maybe your taken on to much at once, Hep and ****. just a thought take it simple.

Harry here for ya

Avatar universal
by oneafter909, Feb 26, 2008
My current Doctor has me taking Suboxone and it really saved my bacon! He is a medical Doc and a pysch Doc. He told me that it will take at least one to two years for your brain chemistry to become normal again. I believe him. I started taking Oxycotin 11 years ago for a spinal condition called Arachnoiditis,and from there was taking 260 mgs of methadone a day. I know it was a lot,no ...come to think of it , it was 6 pills 4 times a day so thats 240 mgs. Keep it real Bob. Anyway I went through withdrawal from that and it was torture in the realist sense. But did I learn?? Went right to Fentnyl patchs, very large dose. Went through withdrawal from that and started taking 100mgs.slow release Morphine with 30 or 60 mgs.immediate release Morphine.  Eleven years on this Hell ride, and fortunately(unfortunately)went into the hospital for an unrelated malady.By this time my pain Doctor had the ******,s of it and dropped me, so here I am laying in the hospital getting Morphine shots for the pain and knowing that in two days when discharged, I was facing my old nemesis(withdrawal) again. I was feeling real low with this secret. If I tell the Doctor in the hospital about my opiate use, he would have stopped the shots right then and there, not wanting to get involved in this clusterduck. I have a wonderful wife who search the area for detox at home and luckily found one in my neighborhood. The night I left the hospital I went right to his home, we talked I was brutally honest And I haven't looked back. Buprenorphine truley saved my life. It has been a year and change and I am feeling better now than I have in a very long time. Thanks so much for listening, but I figured that if there was hope for me........warm regards...oneafter909

537497 tn?1292553056
by Charlotterose, Jun 30, 2008
do you have someone to give them to you when you are suppose to have them?? That's what I do with my dad.. it ***** i go to his house everyday 3 times a day.. but I love him, and I will do whatever it takes to make him well..
and I am sure you have plenty of ppl. willing to help you..
just stay focused on where you want to be in life and think of you beautiful daughter and how she deserves a that is there for her not only phycially but mentally as well..
Best of luck to you.. And I know you can do it.. the mind is a very powerful thing..    = )

460185 tn?1326077772
by lonewolf07, Jul 01, 2008
Charlotterose's idea and the idea of your daughter's picture sound good to me but you're the one doing the work.  All I can do is offer support and encouragement.  You've got some really good people supporting you and giving you advice .... just one little step at a time;  one minute to the next minute.  A lot of work, a lot of hurt but worth it.

Just a thought - there are a lot of people in this area taking methadone who are trying to wean off it.  They go to the pharmacist for advice.  I don't know if you can do that where you are or if it's even safe, it's just a thought.

Hugs to you and your daughter




Avatar universal
by BoboR, Jul 05, 2008
Jesse,

I understand how hard it is. I know how hard it is to get the monkey off your back. That monkey still has me by the leg, and is trying real hard to get back up on my shoulder. It takes a GREAT amount of willpower to do a taper plan on your own. I like the idea someone had about taping your daughter's picture to the pills.  My teens were one of my motivations to kick, even tho they don't know mom is an addict. I didn't want them to see me in the throes of a full scale wd, and I started the taper...slowly. There were many days I felt like dipping into the pill bottle just because there was "my medicine" in there, but I only caved in a couple times during my taper. And then, only took tiny amouts. This was during the last 3-4 weeks of my taper, which I neglected to mention in my original thread. I went 2 weeks dosing every OTHER day on a tiny amount (2-3mg). The next 2 weeks were spent with me dosing every three days. Then I finally jumped off. Do you have someone that can help you control your dosing? Give the meds to someone and let them dispense your dose. It takes sheer willpower to sit here and not go right to my bottle of methadone pills. Yes, I'm still too scared to flush them.

BoboR....methadone free since June 27, 2008

Avatar universal
by untreatablebutlikeable, Aug 05, 2008
I know how impossible it is to stick to your script. I am always out a week early and get something off the street. You see I have to have morophine for my back or I will loss a very good business. I keep saying each new script that I will give it to someone and they can hand it out to me, but I never do that. ANd when you do get off it is the only thing you think of. You are fortunate to have such a wonderful child. I don't have anyone like that so I know how important that must be for you. As long as you keep failing it means your still trying. Failing is a step towards your recovery. I really wish you luck, I don't know why he would have given you methodoneClonidine is much better along with valum. It takes the side effects away and you don't get high. Besides your feeling so much unlike the person you really are you don't need to get high. It took me a long time to feel normal again and I still take the morophine but 1/3 of what I was on before. But I confess I cheat all the time. I am far from a success story but I try to help as many as will listen. Maybe some day I will listen to myself and take my own advise. Its a hard road Jesse but you are never alone. Many of us travel that road.

Jeff

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