today has really sucked. again i havnt slept but about a half an hour from like 5am-5:30am, and i havnt slept since friday if i remember correctly, which i probably dont. Ive been meaning to start a journal for a while so i might as well try it now. My life has been on the decline for about a year now. pretty constant too. I have chronic kidney stones and medullary sponge kidney disease. Basically that all spells out "constant pain" "bad moods" and "sleeplessness"
My mood has steadilly declined due to the pain and no solutions and i have lost everyone dear to me cus i push them all away so i dont drag anyone down with me. i know i sound like im pittying myself but you try living like this. its just easier alone. i find no enjoyment in anything i do anymore and on some days just wish that the pain will kill me and then realize its not a "lethal" disease so im just not that lucky.
im gonna give the treatments (lots of water, low sodium, calcium intake, and keep taking all my meds. which i dont even notice the pain medicine working anymore(oxycodone 15mgx2 3 times a day) and havnt EVER noticed the antidepressants (paxil 40mgs) working. but i have a couple dr apps coming up at the philidelphia va medical center so maybe they can adjust, idk. well...ill type more later or tomorrow
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