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Remembering My Sister - Her Loss Will Not Be In Vain -

Jan 12, 2008 - 5 comments

Today marks one month since the loss of my sweet sister.  

As was mentioned in my journal, her inability to cope with her rheumatoid arthritis, aches, pains and sadness caused her to abuse medications, which finally took her life at the young age of 47.  

Many of you read this post and offered precious condolescences which I will treasure in my heart forever.  

I am asking a small favor of you, my new friends.   Spend a brief moment and meditate on why we share on this website.  What do we share with others on this site?  We give and take willingly and hopefully something that we share will help save someone else's life.  Meditate on how, what we do every day will effect someone else's life, either positively or negatively.  

Yesterday afternoon I decided to drop by my brother's house on the way home from work.  I did tell my husband I "may" visit my brother.  Since the death of our sister, my brother, little sister and I have gotten alot closer than before.  We started to take a little more stock on our own mortality.  We tend to take care of each other a little more than before.  

Well, I was only "out of pocket" visiting my brother for a few hours.  My cell phone had run out of juice.  In the past, I could go for perhaps a couple of days before I would talk to a member of my family. However, things have changed drastically.  In the few short hours I was visiting my brother, as I was charging my phone, my mother, father, little sister, daughter, son,  EVERYONE began to completely go "berserk".  They had tried to call me at work.  I wasn't there.  They called my cell phone.  It was off.  No one knew where I was...(but my brother).   By the time my phone charged, I had 9 frantic messages on my phone.  

My mother was in tears.  My father  - tears.  They thought the worst had happened.  They had known about my addiction.  They also knew that I had said I was not taking Vicodin any longer.  The pain of their loss less than a month ago is too fresh in everyone's minds.  

How selfish of me to not call.  I had told my husband that I might go to my brothers.  It had never bothered anyone before if they couldn't reach me for a few hours.  

I cannot and will not put myself in a situation to ever put them through another loss.  Time and unforseen occurences befall us all.  We cannot help some things.  But I DO have the power not to selfishly put pills in my body that will cut my life short.  That will cause me to have less time with my children and less with my parents and siblings.  

I really want to stay strong.  This is one of the hardest things I have had to do.  It is truly a battle.  Even though I am feeling strong and confident about my 9 days off of Vicodin, that craving will always be there, I think.  The cues and triggers will pop up often and will make me want to numb my senses.  That is "Life".  

I am incredibly grateful to you who have been so helpful through my tapering and withdrawals.  Through the loss of my sister and the gaining of an unequivocal amount of self esteem to help me stop this downward spiral of drug abuse.  

Love and respect to you who are fighting this fight with me.  

Don't give up.  We can make it together.


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Avatar universal
by ashu007, Jan 12, 2008
hi Michele,
First of all I pray to God that he give required strength to you and your family to cope up with the loss you people have suffered. I personally appreciate those people who take care of their family members and who have guts to kick of any type of addiction. so, I appreciate this step of yours. hope you stick to the commitment which you made to yourself. wishing you best of luck for your endeavors in future.
with regards,

369425 tn?1207964715
by mshell62, Jan 13, 2008
My dear Ashutosh,

Bless you for your kind words.  You sound like the type of person who would do the same for your loved ones.  

I feel so good about my decisions to stop this abuse.  I feel so much more clear now.  My family has come together in a time of great loss.  It has made us stronger.  

Thank you for your best wishes.


380558 tn?1309042387
by angel44240, Jan 23, 2008
I know exactly what you mean.. sounds almost exactly like what happened with my mother- only my mom was 54 when she passed away.. She suffered HARD from arthritis, fibro, osteoarthritis, etc etc.. Poor woman hurt so bad at times that she'd just lay in bed and cry..
My sisters and my brother, and I grew very close after her death, but about three years ago, my sister drifted off into 'no man's land', never call anymore, and my brother.. well, he's an alcoholic and ya only hear from him when he's drunker than a monkey.. Very rare will I hear from him SOBER..
But, I have my kids, my friends, and everyone here (my great friends!) and that's all I need in this world (And Jesus- didn't forget about him!)

Avatar universal
by nursemmc, Dec 24, 2008
I lost my baby sister at the age of 46 very suddenly on April 4th 2008.It was a nightmare that never ends.She had fallen a few weeks prior to this and hurt her leg.She called me that morning and said she thought she was having a heart attack.I have been a nurse for 21 years at a local hospital and rushed to her side,She only lived a couple minutes from me.I called 911 and she got to the hospital around 0600.Her vitals were horrible and NOTHING was done to help her.They have lied and said things were done that were not,such as heparin given when in truth her iv quit working around 30 mins after arriving and did not have iv access.It is truly the first time I witnessed full blown negligence.Looking back on it I dont think I told anyone I was a nurse,not that it would have made a difference.She begged for help and got nothing.Not even a tylenol,let alone heparin.She did not deserve this.They had3  hrs.before she coded to have done something.Heparin would most likely have saved her life had it been given since she was having a pulmonary embolus.People take care when your loved ones are brought to emergency rooms.My sisters name was Jana Johnson and she is now my angel.I will not stop till justice prevails.Judy

Avatar universal
by tap8162008, May 28, 2009
Dear Michele,
Thank you for sharing your story/situation.  I pray my posting will find you doing well and still on the sober side of life.  I can only imagine your struggles of trying to stay straight.  I do not suffer with such addiction and I find it hard to comprehend addiction in general.  However, I do understand some, as I do smoke cigarettes, and can't seem to put them down.  Again, I hope and pray you are still on the road to sobriety.  In loosing your sister, I'm sure you know how it feels to loose a very close loved one and would not want your family to have to go through it again.  I am not real good at writing out my feelings.  I am much better at talking out my feelings.  I analyze most everything to death.  Which brings me to my story.  I too lost my sister to an accidental overdose in August of 2008.  She was 40 years old and leaves behind a 10 year old daughter and a husband, as well as our Mom and us, (her sisters).  I am sure she didn't plan to leave us however too many drugs took her away from us.  It has been a very difficult year for me and our family.  I still am not right with all this.  I miss her every day and think of her all day long.  It consumes me, it seems like.  I do have faith and believe she is gone to Heaven and is in a better place however I still suffer everyday with her unplanned and untimely death.  My feelings are very confused.  I sometimes miss her so much and can't help but think to myself, "I told you not to do those drugs", and I feel guilty when I think that way because I know she did not plan to leave us.  I look forward to the days when I can understand all this and get to a point where I can forget the reason she died and just cherish the wonderful memories.
Again, I hope you are doing well and on the sober path.  Stay strong, be happy and enjoy life and your family that I am sure loves you more than you know.
Kind regards,

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