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Last straw!

Jan 13, 2011 - 2 comments

I've been having issues concerning money (I gave up my job to move to Germany, but it turned out my ex didn't really want me there so I'm stuck without a job) and asked my ex about two weeks ago if he could help me out. Since I've paid for everything up till now -healthcare, babyclothes, basically everything the baby needs- and he's not contributed anything, it would be nice of him to help me out at least a little moneywise. He promised me to send some my way, along with some belated christmas presents. Since he has a history of not really keeping his word I was a little skeptical about it all, but to my surprise the box actually arrived within a week of him saying he send it. It contained one of those feeding pillows, a cute feeding bottle and a photo album, all wrapped in a gorgeous baby blue box. I was totally stunned that he put so much effort in it and I saw it as something positive, it created some goodwill in me for sure. The only thing that was missing was the one thing I had really needed and waited for; the money. I searched the whole box, seeing if I had maybe missed it somehow. It really wasn't there. I send him a text, asking what had happened. Perhaps he had forgotten to put it in there? No, he answered, he send it in a separate letter which would maybe arrive a little later. Someone at the postoffice had told him that that could happen.


So I waited another 4 days before suspecting something was up. I had figured out a while ago that he has debts (I don't know how much, and I don't know where) so I texted him again, asking that if he didn't send the money to please tell me, because I was very low on money and couldn't wait for that letter to arrive. It took him over a day to respond that, no, he didn't send it yet but intended to do so soon as possible. He had talked to his mom about it and she would help him out a little. At that point I didn't care about the money any more. I was fuming with anger about his constant lying to me and called him crying hot tears of anger. I yelled at him a while, asking 'how stupid do you think I am' and 'why do you make me look like some money hungry ***** when all I need is money to buy some GD food!'. I was so pissed off and told him I would never ever ask him for anything again.

All in all, I decided that this was the final straw. I can't take any more of this kind of behavior. Yes, I made the promise to never tell him that he couldn't see his kid, but if this is how he's going to treat us then he leaves me no choice. I need to distance myself from him, otherwise I won't have the strength to fight for the things that are really important.

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1528695 tn?1360582320
by logigirl, Jan 13, 2011
sounds like you wont have to distance yourself from him since he seems to be doing it already on his own. (sorry)

with my relationship i have realized if he really wanted to do it, he would. without you asking, prompting, hinting, or suggesting. if he was concerned about the baby, he would make an effort to show it.

reality sometimes *****.even though it is hard we have to accept that "it is what it is". no sugar coating it or even getting our hopes up (as much as we would LOVE for them to step up to the plate.) I am learning that as long as i distance myself from the hope that he will get his act together and plan on doing this alone, then i cant be hurt/disappointed/devastated when things go wrong.

875268 tn?1332768851
by iMazed, Jan 13, 2011
I have adapted the same view on life. This also means I probably won't accept any other guy as easily as I did before, and won't accept flaws as readily. That buffer is gone, I never want to be put in that kind of situation ever again. Nobody is going to take away my independence. I'd rather go through everything on my own than to be screwed over again.

Life is though, rough and unforgiving. I've learned that nobody's going to pat you on the head and tell you everything will be taken care of. If you don't do it yourself, it won't get done.

You're spot on when you say that if he really cared, if he REALLY wanted to be there, he would. He'd make the effort. The fact that he doesn't says enough, no matter how many times he said he's sorry. I've found a song that matches that feeling exactly: Taylor Swift - You're Not Sorry

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