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My mother is loosing the fight

Jan 13, 2011 - 8 comments

Once again I am faced with a really tuff decision regarding a parent. How is a child yet a full grown adult suppose to do that?

My mom is in a nursing home and is fighting dementia. She had a aortic aneurysm and had to have surgery and she was never the same.

Mom was fighter, always, strong willed, just plain strong.

Now she is on the loosing end of her fight. Ya see dementia dosen't kill you, it just takes away everything you hold dear, like
eating, breathing.

We are almost at the crossroads where we have to make a decision about a feeding tube. She is forgetting how to eat, swallow
and had lost 18 lbs is 4 weeks, She will eat when we feed her.

She is a DNR but how do I let her starve? She is not in a comma just out of her mind. She is in a wheel chair but not bed ridden.

She is my best friend. My heart is being ripped apart.

I am not as strong as she is....

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Avatar universal
by gizzy32, Jan 13, 2011
I am so sorry, I don't know what to say other than to give you a big hug. You are strong Terry! Your a great person and your Mom is proud of you. You and your Mom are in our thoughts and prayers.

Avatar universal
by 10356, Jan 13, 2011
I'm very sorry to read this Terry.. You are strong enough to see this through my friend. yours is a quiet strength a deep committed one.. This is what will help you make this decision.. I'm very sorry for your sorrow.  my heart goes out to you.  I send prayers for you your mom and all who love her..  warmly lesa

Avatar universal
by Crys833, Jan 13, 2011
I work with alzheimers and dementia patients. You are right, people with demetia become a shell of who they once were. It's a horrible disease that can hit anyone no matter what you do in life. That being said, stay strong. Get on board at her nursing home with the nurses and her doctor. Get a care plan put in place to ensure her comfort and safety and well being, if there isn't one already. Work out a schedule for feeding her with the care workers who are taking care of her, talk to the nursing home dietician to get a swallowing assesment done on your mom before you decide to go with a feeding tube. The dietician may be able to get your mom on some from a supplement first. Once you go to a G-tube at this stage she will never go back. Not eating may just be her dementia progressing and she has a chance to ride it out. Her quantity of life may be getting shorter, but you'll feel better knowing you can make a difference in her quality of life! Good Luck to you, I'm sorry you have to go through this. What a horrible disease!

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by lifewithoutcoke, Jan 13, 2011
Terry, I am so sorry. My heart and prayers are with you. You are so strong. Breathe deep, feel it in your heart. You will know what you need to do.

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by dominosarah, Jan 13, 2011
Terry,  You will know when the time comes and you will have the strength to make the right decision.  It is one of those wonderful qualities we inherited.  I am always here for you~~~~~~love and hugs          sara

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by opus88, Jan 13, 2011
Terry we are sometimes put into positions that we don't feel comfortable in......do as you believe your mother would want, what would you want in that case? would you want a feed tube to keep you alive when theres no quality of life left?....IMO dear, assist feed her only and for as long as she is able to swallow.....I worked years in a nursing home in palliative care...people stop eating as a natural reaction to when the body is ready to shut down, feed tubes and IV therapy will only draw the process out for a very long time, your mom has a DNR, she must have been aware of the diminished quality of life during the end stages of this terrible disease,...remember this is my opinion, you do as your heart tells you too dear girl. and God blessā™„

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by laurel453, Jan 14, 2011
Terry, nobody, nor even the doctors, can  say when and how the process will develop.... It is true as Opus has said that my experience with my father was that when he stopped eating, his body was ready to shut down,  cherish this time ahead and live day by day.... arranging the best treatment considering the circunstances and loving her and as Sarah said, you will know when the time comes.

Avatar universal
by beatingthis, Jan 14, 2011
My sweet friends. Where would I be without your support. I love you all.

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