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Day 150

Jan 16, 2011 - 1 comments

I am still off trams. But I still feel the WD at times- esp when I am stressed.  I still want to take a pill at times.  My husband is on them STILL, but I have refrained from doing it.  I know how bad they are and how they made me into a different person.  Being on them for sooooo long- over 10 yrs, I believe makes it hard for my body to adjust to the new chemistry.  I pray each time I get that urge to take one.  Five months off is a lot of work to loose and for what??????  A short term antidepressant effect that will turn into a huge addiction again.  I will remain steadfast, but I sure wish my husband would stop.  It woudl help to not have access, then I would stop thinking about the trams when I have a bad day or feel sad or need energy.  That was a way of life for me for a long time.  May God strengthen my resolve to be true to who I am and who He wants me to be.  

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by summer_2010, Feb 08, 2011
beth, you ARE strong and I truly admire your strength to stay away from thee trams despite your husband still taking them.
I've been on trams since february 2009, off them in regular intervals for up to 3 or 4 weeks. I thought if I take breaks in between I can avoid getting too addicted to them. And yes.. it took a very long time till i got physical withdrawals.. but in all truth.. i've been addicted to them since the first rush they gave me. i was at work (I'm a general registered nurse, which means i have access to all sorts of meds :-(    i didn't even think about trams giving me a buzz.. i had an awful headache that day at work.. had taken ibuprofein and paracetamol without effect. then i took 2 trams.. and 1.5 hours later i was super woman. I wasnt a different person.. but i felt like i was myself.. happy and outgoing, cheerful and energetic. Everything I wanted to be, something i could be 5% of the times in my life.. (ive been suffering from depression since my childhood). The next day again I took 2 trams and buzzed through the day, and i felt people liked me a lot more, it was all easy. Patient bells, drug rounds, doctors rounds, phonecalls.. no problem... i enjoyed doing it all and was flying, my concentration was great..
gradually i needed higher doses of trams to get the same effect. then they made me wanting to be sick and i started to take motilium so my body would tolerate the trams. then i needed more and more pills and was afraid of being caught at work.. and i noticed that when i didnt take tramal i became a miserable and depressed person.. without it i couldnt feel normal... been off the hell drug for several days now..
I am surprised (and worried) to read that even after such a long time you still feel withdrawals!! wow.. there seems to be a long road ahead of me :-(
There is nobody except god who knows about my addiction problems.. he surely is very angry with me that for 2 years i have been stealing trams from work...

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