Aftermath

Ok, here goes:

I was assaulted a month ago by someone I loved and trusted and now I just wanted to put out her what I am going through:

I still: have a black eye
have bruises on my body
am missing hair on the back of my head
have pain in the back of my head
have pain and tenderness in my forehead
have a lot of trouble sleeping
have flashbacks
have so much sorrow

I can’t: imagine having sex ever again
imagine being alone with someone bigger than me
imagine trusting someone intimately again
believe that someone I cared about could do this to me
believe how traumatized my dogs were and still are
eat anything without feeling sick

I had: a horribly bruised and swollen face, and a huge black eye
a raw scalp, where clumps of hair were ripped out
choke marks and fingerprints on my neck
pain when swallowing due to swelling in my throat
hand prints on my arm
horrible black and blue bruises on my hips, butt and lower back
pain when sitting or lying down due to bruising
scrape marks and bruises on my legs
to go to the doctor to make sure nothing was broken
to be on narcotic pain medication
to cancel client appointments due to my injuries
to deal with people stopping me on the street asking if I had been in a car accident
to call a domestic violence hotline one night because I was freaking out
to sleep with the TV on for a week

I: don’t feel hate, but loads of anger, loss, sorrow and pain
can’t see the point in ever trying to have a relationship again
don’t think I will ever be able to let someone put their fingers in my hair again
live for my therapy appointments
lost 6 pounds in 2 weeks, and no end in sight
thought I was going to die
jump out of my skin when someone touches me from behind
am afraid when the dogs bark at a noise outside
am amazed at how much pain I apparently can stand
am a survivor, not a victim
am broken beyond belief
hope I can feel joy again one day

DEAD GAME – A WAY OF LIFE
But why does it have to be so hard?