Jan 20, 2011
what a mess so far... the worst start to a year ever... 2011 wins that one...
anxiety is sky high. broke sobriety week of thanksgiving. haven't drank a bottle yet though. every day has been a challenge to find a different crutch to lean on besides a drink or a smoke. i need to quit cigarettes. they kind of increase my anxiety sometimes to where i take two puffs and then i'm all neurotic for a few mins.
i forgot that i been drinkin hella caffeine this past week. i need to stay away from the red bulls too. i drank 1/2 yesterday and 1/2 today and today was pretty high anxiety i'd say. i'm still not sure if this is anxiety or if i'm just wired. either way, anxiety and caffeine are a bad mix. sunday was such a ****** day because i messed up and drank waaaayy too much coffee in the late morning that i kept my boyfriend up with hella bs until he had to go to work on monday morning at 4am. thankfully we have recovered our sleep from that night. i'm on here right now trying to wind down my brain- it has been doin too much work with little productivity. i need to try and get some thoughts out instead of it all just swirling around up there.
maybe that's why my appetite is so weak lately. naw....too hard to pinpoint... lots of anxiety- lots of things going on up there
-anticipating new job/mtg new people
-returning to meds/counseling
-bro wedding in 6 weeks n there's going to be A LOT of people to escape from
-$100 less per month of unemployment comp
-keep forgetting to pay my bro 20 back
-failing to meet my volunteer commitments this past month
-arms are building muscle, but looking way fat still and just too big- can't seem to avoid this prob with my arms and back- they start looking scary so i need to lay off
-right arm really sore from carrying sleeping nephew on monday... ouch! it's really uncomfortable.
-this cough syrup makin me ridiculously thirsty i can't even quench it
my stomach is growling and i hate not having an appetite and just eating 'something' so i could sleep...