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no idea!!! im 7 months pregnant???????

Jan 20, 2011 - 13 comments

well just got off of facebook and im quite new to it but discovered that a 16 yr old friend of my baby sister (also 16) has just..like on monday discovered she's 7 yes seven months pregnant!
now is that denial or just plain i dont pay enough attention to my body? i mean ok eveb if your slight build and stuff  by 7 months well five actually you are bound to know....aren't you?
anyhow my baby sister is down to be her birth partner..i feel for this girl as my sister is still very immature and cant take care of herself let alone anyone else...how will she cope giving advice to this girl?
more to the point if this girl is so niave, or not with it enough to know she's pregnant how will she cope?...7 months of being a teen and not looking after herself thats a big thing but i was sooo shocked because she spoke briefly about having a scan next week to check baby..but spent ages talking non stop about buying a pram...i mean come on having a baby is more about baby and life and health etc she's more interested in getting her mum to cough up for an expensive pram!
I know especially from friends here on MH that having a baby is sooo important and involves so much more and i cant think of one of them who's mentioned a pram...they're all health and welfare of baby and myself type...what is the world coming too?
am i just feeling wierd and ranting or does anyone feel this girl is really immature etc...
id love to know your thoughts xx

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1396784 tn?1324912916
by TraceL, Jan 20, 2011
Maybe she was in denial, my friend became pregnant at 15, she knew she was pregnant and i told her she must tell someone and go and see a doctor to get the best care for her baby and to be checked that everything was ok but she was in denial, she refused to believe she was pregnant and her way of dealing with things was to ignore it and it might go away, but several months later gave birth to a baby boy.
Lots of young mums are great parents and are very responsible and all they want is to be the best possible mum but i have also seen some who just couldn't care less and just think of the free things they will get without really thinking about the consequences and what time is involved in caring for a baby.
It is very sad that people who desperately want children struggle to have a child and some people who don't even really want children just get pregnant without even thinking, it really does make me sad.
The girl you say does sound immature, i imagine she will have a huge shock once the baby is born.

1255151 tn?1413895426
by rbohl01, Jan 20, 2011
Unfortunately people can be irresponsible about being a parent at any age. I have a girlfriend who is 24. She had a baby gilr in September. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen her post on facebook how her and her hubby have a free night together without baby. I think she has had atleast 10 overnights without her already. I am most of the time in disbelief and shock. Becoming a parent means taking on a full time responsibility. Not just about the fun shopping and still have a bunch of free time. So sad =(
Especially when I have so many friends here and even a couple not from here that struggle daily with conception problems...

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Jan 20, 2011
I think for some very young girls, it's almost like a live doll or something.  There just isn't any concept of reality.  I know a young girl who had a baby at 17.  The whole time she was more interested in all the clothes, cribs, etc. and because her parents were buying all that stuff, she had no idea in terms of cost and how difficult having a baby at any age can be, let alone an age where you don't have any education, will have a hard time finding a good paying job, etc.

Fortunately, I can honestly say she truly is an excellent mother.  But it was pretty tough for her the first few months.  Still is actually, but she is doing it and doing it well with an awful lot of support (Thank God for that).  

I always think it's sad to see young girls become moms.  They should be able to still have fun, date, do all the things you should be doing at that age.  But hopefully she does what she needs to do.  It will be a very big shock I think.  Heck, I was an adult and it still was a shock...it's not easy and if you have no real resources it's just that much harder.

1035252 tn?1427231433
by Ashelen, Jan 20, 2011
That's pretty crazy. I agree with Amanda about everything....and how scary must it be for her? If I were the parents, I'd buy the big furniture (crib, dresser, changing table) and then sit down with the girl and go "You have $500. You need to buy everything for your baby with that money. That means you also have to research. I'm going to keep a tally in my head of things baby needs, and as you buy things I'll check it off. I'm going to watch every penny that you spend, and it needs to be on necessities. If you buy things I don't think you need, you will take them back and keep buying until I am confident that you have researched and bought all the things the baby needs. " and once she's gotten all the necessities (after trial and error I'm sure) they can take her to buy things like bouncers, toys, etc. But that way if she spends $200 on a sheet set...right back it goes! and she'll have to pick out less expensive, more practical items. And it will take away the fun of "things" and focus more on the important aspects of parenting.

That way even though it's not HER money, she'll be under pressure to buy the absolutely necessary items and make sure that she has a concept of cost.

I feel for your sister though...that's going to be a huge responsibility. But I'm sure she can step up to it...you can recommend some places to do some research and maybe that'll help her :-).

1301836 tn?1305625415
by natashajay, Jan 20, 2011
ahh some really good thoughts there...she's adament she didnt know she was pregnant!
HOW i have no idea!!!!
then in the next breath she goes on about seeing this and that she wants her mum to buy...and all after what 4 days! its madness...i tried telling her that ive just passed that stage and she'd have to start thinking about birth and needs etc...especially babywise and she didnt want to know...she was just ive seen this and mum and i are going shopping....
i do understand that teen moms can make better moms than some older supposidly more maturer women but this girl makes me shiver with fear....motherhood isnt far off and she has such a BIG shock coming her way.

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Jan 20, 2011
Well, she is sadly going to be forced to grow up much faster then she should have to.  I am glad to hear mom is involved though.  And like Ash said, hopefully she will sit her down and talk about budgeting, etc.  We are pretty average financially, and we still bought a lot of second hand, etc.  Unless your independantly wealthy, it's not easy.  Then, once baby comes, there are diapers, ongoing clothing..they grow so fast..etc. etc.  

As for not knowing...if you are not paying attention to your body and don't pay any attention to your cycles, plus a little dash of not wanting to know thrown in, I can see how it could happen.  It worries me that she is not bigger at 7 months though..you would think her family would have noticed.  That makes me wonder about nutrition and over all health.  But as you said, at that age, probably not thinking about that.  Not because she is a bad kid, but because it's not a natural thing for a kid that age to worry about.  I hope and pray this has a happy ending.  

1301836 tn?1305625415
by natashajay, Jan 20, 2011
me too! She has piks up on her photo thing that show her drunk at xmas its soooo worrying......her mum seems ok but i think what the girl wants she gets...i dont think there will be much budgeting going on...i dont know if they can afford it or not but you are right she will have to grow up fast... a baby is a big responsibility and im hoping she'll live up to it once baby arrives...especially as she doesn't have the full 9 months to get used to it, or get hersefl sorted xx

470885 tn?1326332637
by Limonada, Jan 20, 2011
I can't imagine!  Having a baby is difficult enough at 28 or 30 when you have a supportive partner, let alone when you're a teenager!!

Perhaps she was just in denial, but it IS actually possible to not to know you're pregnant until you're very far along....even up to the point of delivery!  It depends a lot on body type and position of the baby.  Plus, there are women who bleed throughout their pregnancies and might mistake that for menstruation.  I actually know someone that this happened to - she went into the ER with stomach pains....and came out of the hospital with a baby! And she seriously had NO IDEA!!!

134578 tn?1578161083
by AnnieBrooke, Jan 20, 2011
Sometimes a "big girl" doesn't know she's pregnant.  Is the girl... well ... to use a not-politically-correct word -- fat?  If so, it would be more plausible that she had no clue.  There really have been (true) stories of people getting all the way to delivery and then learning they were pregnant.  They are usually "big" and/or have other reasons they can't believe it (such as, a doctor told them that they would never be able to have a baby, etc. etc.)

Anyway, I feel for the baby.  Her mom is going to have some plain and fancy swimming, having to grow up fast, and will learn first hand that taking care of a baby can be grueling work, not just dressing a cute little sweetie and showing her off at the mall.

1222635 tn?1366399886
by mom2ariana, Jan 20, 2011
of course lots of 16 year old girls are immature, and lots of them can't handle a child. but there are some that can. it is sad for the child's sake when they are born to immature/incapable mothers, but its not always fair for us to pass judgement without knowing the girl. she may be the most immature girl in the world, but she might also be a very grown-up 16 year old.

i got pregnant at 19 while i was in college. i truly don't consider college students to be teenagers, even as freshmen. in fact, i do not think you are a teen when you become 18 and are legally an adult. BUT i was still young. i was very mature in some aspects, and immature in others. i lived my life for myself and myself only. however, after getting pregnant and becoming a mother and a wife, i am certain that, while it wasn't what i wanted, i was ready mentally & emotionally. im capable of being a good mother and a good wife at the age of 19 (or now 20) and this girl may be to. then again, she might not be. we aren't her and don't know her, so it's impossible for us to say. age truly is just a number.

several generations back it was normal for girls to marry at 13/14 years old and have a child or two by the time they were 16. in my personal opinion, i think that our culture has created this life where girls and boys alike grow up much slower than God intended. it's because of our sinfulness. Jesus's mother, Mary, was believed to be about 14 years old. think about that!! it's actually a PROBLEM that girls and boys are NOT mature enough by the age of 16 to be parents. by no means am i saying that children at that age SHOULD be parents, because they aren't mature enough most of the time, BUT they SHOULD be.

as far as her not knowing, ive heard of people knowing people that this has happened to. like anniebrooke said, if she is overweight it is plausible. if she is a small girl, then i am sorry but i do not believe it is possible, unless you are, by definition, an idiot.

1301836 tn?1305625415
by natashajay, Jan 21, 2011
she is very thin, but eats well so not anorexic or anything...but then most teens are petite...she is due on the 10th of march im due 7th march, now im what i class normal build and as ive had 3 kids before i began to show shortly after i got the blue line LOL but his girl is what you'd class as a normal but thin...almost standard teen slim...thats why i find it so hard to believe!
yea you are right people married young and had children at a young age not so long ago but ive noticed that our `children` and in particular our `teens` are not well adjusted young people as they should be or could be...perhaps this is our fault as a society put so many resraints etc on to them or perhaps just the way society has changed of late but she is not capable at the current moment of being responsible....these last few weeks before delivery are going to be some major make or break days for her...she's also dissapointed as she's carrying a boy and wont be able to buy pink girly things...her words not mine...

1368291 tn?1299633404
by spiritwolf31, Jan 21, 2011
Well the not "knowing" is actually possible. My mother did not know she was preggo with me til she was in her 5th month. She had periods each month, no weight gain, and no signs or symptoms of even being pregnant. She found out when she began hurting in her abdomen and went to the doc and "wahlah" there I was. I was born a little early and blue since the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck. The docs even told her I would probably have severe retardation from lack of care and the other problems with the umbilical cord and lack of oxygen. I was in an incubator for a week and then got to come home and wouldnt you know it but not only am I just fine but I am also pretty bright. But long story short...it is possible not to know. It definitely was not her first time since I was her third child. I think it just depends on the pregnancy and what all symptoms a person has. It may be especially harder to "know" if she is young and it being her first child. Of course, on the other hand fear of the fact may have helped put the blinders up for the young mother to be.

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Jan 21, 2011
A good friend of mine in college was almost 6 months along before being fully aware that she was pregnant.  I'm telling ya, she had nothing but a hard lump at the bottom of her belly.  Her chest grew but we were so dumb, we just celebrated her good fortune.  Seriously.  And she (and I) were straight A, semi cerebral gals.  Her periods had been irregular and for the fist few months she got little mini periods.  She wasn't tracking it that closely, says she had used protection, etc. so pregnancy just didn't occur to her until she was that far along.  We were shocked.  She dropped out of our college, transferred close to home so her parents could help her and raised her child.  That child is out of college now himself!  And she has younger children at home with her now.  Life can be complicated.

So, I do think this can happen regardless of maturity.  It is quite sad and I hope that the young lady has some support.  I always think of adoption in a case like this too as a possible option.  It is wonderful to allow those who can't have kids the chance to raise them.  

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