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Need to Rant/Vent

Sep 05, 2008 - 2 comments





drug use


teenage pregnancy

So last week we had another episode of teenage drama.  Since last school year, our son has known to be home by 4:30 pm every day to check in.  He's pretty much given an hour after school to hang out with his friends, etc.  Well, last Thursday he didn't come home ... and he didn't call (which he usually does if he wants to extend his time).  So, needless to say, we were freaking out.  He finally came home about 2 to 2 1/2 hours later and lied about who he was with.  Hubby went in his room to talk to him and when he came out (very angrily) he told me our son looked high (and my hubby would know being a die-hard former pot smoker himself).

The big talk and following punishment were not discussed with him until Tuesday evening, however, 'cause he left for his mom's house the next day.  He and hubby had a big talk Tuesday night on the back porch and he's grounded for a month ... he's not allowed to go to school early or stay late ... he's not allowed to get phone calls ... friends are not allowed over ... and he's been asked not to associate with the people he got himself in trouble with (but he sees them at school, which we know we can't control).

Well, this is not really my issue/rant/vent.  I just needed to explain the backstory of that day so my rant will be a little more easy to understand.

So yesterday, our son came in the office and was talking to me about what he talked to his dad about.  Hubby hadn't told me a couple things about their conversation, so I was finding all this stuff out.  Apparently, his best friend is about two months pregnant and he's known about it (I think he said he was with her the day she found out).  She hasn't told her parents yet, and from what our son told me, she doesn't want the baby ... however, she knows when she tells her mom, her mom won't let her get an abortion or give the baby up for adoption (I think b/c of religious reasons).  

*Then* our son tells me that it's not her boyfriend's baby ...and she's actually not sure who the father is because she slept with two other boys.  Apparently this girl has had quite a few sexual partners ...not just these three.  Here, I felt bad having sex with five people in my 27 years on this planet ...and she's had way more and is only 16!!  

Now, on top of all this, we recently found out a couple weekends ago that she smokes (and has been giving our son cigarettes when they hang out).  Not only that ...but she was one of the people our son was getting high with last Thursday!!  I know she doesn't want the baby, but it infuriates me that she would do that to her unborn child (Side note: my son's mom smoked pot with him, which he mentioned to me when I ranted yesterday like he was trying to defend the fact it's ok to smoke pot when you're preggers, but it still pisses me off).  I try so hard to eat healthy and take care of myself and the baby ... and knowing there are so many women out there who have trouble conceiving or carrying a baby to term ... and here's this 16 year old girl who doesn't give a $hit!!  Ugh!!!!!  Rawr!!!!!

I completely advocate abstinence if you're under the age of 18 ... but I'm not stupid.  I know teenagers will do what they want.  But c'mon ... if you make the choice to have unprotected sex (and with multiple partners, no less) use a condom ...get on birth control.  You have so many wonderful child-free years ahead of you!!  I would probably be more understanding if she had just gotten pregnant by sleeping with her boyfriend (there are many dedicated teenage couples who end up having kids early and whatnot) ... but to sleep around, not know who the father is, *and* mistreat your body ... I seriously want to smack the girl.

His friend was already banned from our house because of the smoking pot thing ...but now that I've been told about this, I'm sure that was another reason as well.  All I know is she better stay away from me ... my hormones might make me say something nasty.  =D

Ok, rant over ...*whew*  thanks...

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461781 tn?1285609481
by Mumita, Sep 05, 2008
Your Son needs to learn the concequences of his stupid actions, I don't think that grounding him would really work at his age.  He should pay attention to the mess that his friend is in for being dumb and stupid and not thinking about the concequences when she decided to get high, sleep around and now be pregnant with no way out.  She's going to need to grow up the hard way and it wont be pretty. I don' t think that keeping your son away from her is going to work.  Maybe you and your husband would be responsible enough to help her out by talking to her because obviously she can't turn to her mom otherwise if she had a good comunication with her mom she wouldn't be in this huge mess.  And your son might learn that to be an adult you have to have an open mind and think about the consequences of your actions and think things through before doing them.
I smoked pot when I was in college and I definitely learned my lesson ( don't think its that bad) but I saw kids my age left and right getting all f*cked up and ending up in not so good places.  My dad's threats wasn't that he wasn't going to help me out or support me, his threats were warnings on what could actually happen to you if you screw up.  And those are life long consequences.  I stoped smoking pot and drinking and I don't miss it one bit, I guess I grew up but I also hated how guilty and insecure I felt when I was doing those things and I HATE to loose control, but I learned that on my own.
I hope that you guys can teach your son and his friends a good example by listening to them, many times kids go off and do those things because they don't have anyone guiding them and being a support (emotionally) and they try to do that themselves without having the tools and that's how and when they mess up. If I have no one to turn to then I'll do it on my own eventhough I don't know what i'm doing. Listen to him, eventhough it pisses you off the things that he's telling you but just help him through it.  I always had that support network, I did those things because I thought that I could handle it but every single time I did it I felt horrible about doing it because I felt like I was letting my best friends down (my parents).

550546 tn?1249410039
by Avanaar, Sep 05, 2008
We've always been very supportive and open with him.  He has always talked to us about problems he's having, etc.  But his father's rule (long before I came to live with them) was that he didn't want his son smoking.  Unfortunately, his mother (who lives 45 min away and he sees every other weekend) *gives* him cigarettes.  He confided this in us a few weeks ago.  Her reasoning is that she'd rather he do it in front of her than behind her back.  This coming from the mother who's two oldest sons are in and out of jail like it has a revolving door.

Also, I am not against smoking pot.  I've done it myself a few times ...and my hubby has used it medicinally.  What I don't approve of is doing it when you're still living under your parents' roof and they've told you not to.  When our son turns 18 and wants to move out ...he can do what he likes.  We just hope he makes good choices when he does.

We've talked to him about the consequences of his actions and we always get the teenage response of "I know" which means they hear you but don't really care.  I remember using that soooooo many times when I was still with my parents.  lol  ...Actually, I still use it with them here and there.  =D  My hubby and I firmly believe that you always have a choice in any situation you come upon in life ...and no matter what choice you decide to make, you have to be willing to live with the consequences.  Our son chose to get high with his friends, stay out and not call us, and make us worry.  So the consequence to that is that he is on a very tight leash until he can gain our trust back.

We know we can't keep him away from his friends.  We try to help him understand, however, that hanging around certain people will inevitably cause him problems.  If you hang around pot smokers/drug dealers/robbers/etc, you very well might end up doing those things as well.  We just hope that we've given him enough knowledge and understanding that when the time comes, he can make a good decision for himself.

As for his pregnant friend ... I was just fuming and venting about it.  I know she needs someone to talk to ... I would say I'm sort of an inbetween parent ...not old enough to be her mother, not young enough to be her peer.  And being stuck in the middle, I feel I get a good perspective of both sides.  So I would probably be a decent enough mediator for her if she needed someone to talk to.  And being pregnant myself, I can help her with symptoms and whatnot that she may be experiencing.  However, it will be up to her if she is willing to accept help or not.

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