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A thought.

Jan 27, 2011 - 6 comments
Tags:

Beauty

,

truth

,

ugly

,

thoughts



I just had the thought, If I were beautiful, I'd have a boyfriend, and it made me wonder, just where along the line did I become dependent on someone else to validate my beauty? When does this line end? If I don't let anyone alter my opinions, or who I think I am, where did this come from? When will I be able to look in the mirror and think, I am beautiful, without any doubt or needing any justification from someone else? When will I realize, fully realize, that my social status, or what other people think, has nothing to do with beauty? All of the other opinions that I have are only altered by someone else when they counter it with fact. Where are there any supporting facts on whether someone's ugly or beautiful when both are just based on opinion and perception? And on this note, why do I believe someone when they say I'm ugly, but not when they say I'm beautiful? Why is ugly the truth, while beauty is a lie?

Is this part of being a teenager? Will I grow out of it? Was it caused by the fact that while growing up, I was told I was ugly so frequently that it was molded into truth in my mind, and now pretty can't be a truth while ugly is? Is the damage already done, will pretty never replace ugly in my head, is there any way to fix this? Every time I see a commercial or a drawing of what is considered beauty, is this 'truth' buried deeper into my subconscious? Will I ever be able to watch a movie or a show with a woman in it who is considered beautiful without comparing myself and believing that they are beautiful, while I am not?

I just don't know.

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617347 tn?1331293081
by laurel453, Jan 27, 2011
when will you be able to look in the mirror and think, you are beautiful without any doubt r needing any justification from someone else ? when you stop looking for perfection . You are beautiful, i have seen your pic on your profile and besides there is nothing more beautiful than being a woman of strength and you are one, you are a fighter too....this beauty  comes from the inside and there are few people with this kind of beautiful, be your own person. what the others have told us have an effect until we stop repeating "their words" and start saying our words... feed your mind with positive thoughts, wash your mind off the stupid things that come from stupid people.

1567353 tn?1358876855
by Arsia, Jan 27, 2011
Thank you. I appreciate it. :] I honestly hope it gets easier with time. But I do think it will because with each year that passes, I do become more outgoing and confident. I used to wear baggy clothes and covered my face, but no longer.

617347 tn?1331293081
by laurel453, Jan 27, 2011
It gets easier with time as long as you keep being your best friend and work on yourself as you are doing , it will get easier for you, be proud of being the woman you already are and create the person you want to be. I have just read what you have posted on your new journal , my passion, and i would think that you are still a very creative soul, you haven't lost it. You are going through wds and it takes sometime feeling 100 %, give yourself time but you are writing beautifully , see? you can create beautiful writings even during wds  :)

1567353 tn?1358876855
by Arsia, Jan 27, 2011
Mostly what I was going on with that is that I used to have a place, a park across from my house, where I went to write, and now I moved and I've lost that place. So now it's harder to write.
But I really appreciate it. :D!
Usually strong emotions are a fuel to good writing for me, but withdrawals make me not want to do anything. I'm starting to feel normal again, mostly, and this is the first good thing I've written in awhile.
And it's weird because I used to feel the need to pop a pill before trying to write and it never occurred to me that it never worked. I'd get distracted by the high.
Maybe I'll start writing again.

617347 tn?1331293081
by laurel453, Jan 27, 2011
ooops :) anyway, i really liked it !

we don't trust ourselves whenwe are having the pills on our lives, we trust them instead of ourselves, we think we can do things because they are there and this is a big lie, another one from the pack of lies that the pills make us believe. whatever we may create with the pills is less pure and not as good as being just on ourselves. This is something i have discovered since i quitted the pills- .

1567353 tn?1358876855
by Arsia, Jan 27, 2011
I've discovered that too. Well, the lies. But my body's still craving it so I don't feel good about anything without it. But I'm getting there and I won't give in to the cravings.

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