totally devastated

Feb 10, 2011 - 10 comments

i had an antenatal appointment yesturday and was told that i cannot have a waterbirth at my local unit. as my `simple but enlarged cyst` has been giving them cause for concern i have to goto the large hospital because the cyst could stop my uterine contractions, acting like an obstacle which potentially could deprive baby of vital oxygen.
wherein i want baby to be safe, from wk 30 i have been practising my self hypnosis for a waterbirth and had not envisaged a hospital environment because i have had 2 very successful waterbirths at the unit.
also i have never seen the birthing rooms at the big hospital and feel so far away from home and everything there, last week was hard being on the wards let alone with a new baby. they don't allow visitors during the day and hubby can only come in for an hour during the evening so its a very lonely place.
i am about to go online to www.nhs.uk/birthplan because i now HAVE to make a birthplan and i also have to list down the things that now worry me....this is my list of worries so far.......
i am anxious about going into hospital and having my baby in unfamiliar surroundings.
i am worried about going over my due date, as i have had a very long uncomfortable and tireing pregnancy already and i am now worried for my babies safety.
i live in fear of not making it to the hospital on time as my last labour was under 2 hours from feeling uncomfortable to the birth.
i am afraid that i won't be able to cope with the pain as i have concentrated my self hypnosis on a waterbirth and after 2 previous waterbirths i know that water plays a huge part in keeping me calm and helping me with the pain.

i am totally devastated at the prospect of not getting a waterbirth in familiar surroundings something i know contributed to a safe, calm and easier labour and birth to which i have had in 2 previous pregnancies.

i haven't stopped crying and when i did sleep it was full of nightmares about going to hospital....i just dont know what to do....i know going there is safer for my baby and that is paramount but this feeling of dread and fear is soooo strong i so want this all over with now...
:(

baby j

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I am so very sorry that this isn't working out the way you would have hoped. Child birth can be uncertain enough without adding stress like this :(

I had my birth at a hospital and you have to remember this is YOUR room that you are birthing in. It can be as warm and full of love ad you want. You are in control of this. You can still use your hypnosis to help you through especially on the travel there to the hospital. I think it is mind over matter. You can do this even without water! You are so strong you will make it through. Just try and be optimistic the best you can

ahh thank you, i guess im just scared that its come down to this...no one told me of the possible side efffects so far they've just said its a simple cyst don't worry about it, now its more than that and they spoke to me as tho i was supposed to know all of this already....its such a shock...

im hopeful it'll work out...just got to get my head around it xxx

Feel free to call them and ask questions as many as you need to feel safe and better about all of this. Labor and delivery can be frightening enough without the added what if of a cyst. Or try looking on reputable medical websites like mayoclinic

ahh thanks for the advice, they r too busy for me to pop in for a look around, they said that each room is different and that as they're busy its impossible to show any one of them, they assure me i'll be ok but still i have this nagging feeling...just printed off their birthplan from the website they directed me to....10 pages long...not environmentally friendly! i thought it would be a couple of pages but 10!
have filled them in as best i can....everything is so uncertain now

I have had to have all mine in these big rooms because of different problems that have occured in my pregnancies,when you first get there it is a case of which room is available,but once you are in there it is your room and yours only,,any small detail doctors are with you in a flash,i know it is distressing for you to have this put on you but honestly you will be fine,just lean on the midwives and your husband,you can do this and when you see your bunble of joy hopefully you just wont care who is there and who is not.

I feel for you- I picked my hospital because they had a labor tub (although they don't allow birth in it.)  My first labor I spent hours in it, and it was wonderful.  With my second dd, I spent 9 months looking forward to that tub, only to get to the hospital too late to use it.  They told me not to come in until the contractions were 7 minutes apart, and by that time I had been through several intense hours and was starting to push!  So my labor was totally different than I envisioned, but it all went OK.

I was also worried about having to labor with an IV in place (due to Strep B), but by the time I got there it was too late to have it done... so I spent weeks stressing about something that turned out not to be an issue.

Can you bring a CD or mp3 player and play some soothing sounds or music?  During my first labor I listened to ocean sounds the whole time, and it really helped... kind of like being in the water without the water.  Also, if you can help it, don't let them keep you on your back- they can monitor you every 20 minutes or so- and you can move around in the meanwhile.

I'm rambling, but I wanted to write and send you good wishes!

As others have said when you have your baby try to remember although the big rooms can be quite intimidating its your birth and your room, try to remember you will be in the best hands. get your hubby to bring in some music for you which may help you to feel a bit calmer. the most important thing is that you have the right people around you and that you and the baby will be well looked after.
I work in a huge hospital myself and know they aren't the nicest places but you will be well looked after and you will be holding your baby in your arms in no time and thats the most important thing

to all of you..
Thank you so much for your advice and kind words...i dont know how i feel this morning strange i guess and a bit apprehensive still...i have no idea what any of the policies are or what the birthing rooms look like so i think that uneasy feeling is going to remain.
I don't know what i am allowed or what they provide and they seem too busy to accomodate me which is slightly annoying. DH thinks its for the best but he's worried as last wk when i was in for my cyst i was in the hospital i was in the delivery suite as its known but not the delivery rooms and anyhow they said he'd couldd not stay all night and sent him home, what if my labour turns out not to be as fast as my last? will he be sent home? im so worried i know what will be will be but that unfamiliaraity i have now is so strong...how will i cope?

try to think that you do this for the shake of yourself and tour baby,and it is only 4 to 5 days away from home!hope this thaught will make you feel better!

thank u :)



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