i had an antenatal appointment yesturday and was told that i cannot have a waterbirth at my local unit. as my `simple but enlarged cyst` has been giving them cause for concern i have to goto the large hospital because the cyst could stop my uterine contractions, acting like an obstacle which potentially could deprive baby of vital oxygen.
wherein i want baby to be safe, from wk 30 i have been practising my self hypnosis for a waterbirth and had not envisaged a hospital environment because i have had 2 very successful waterbirths at the unit.
also i have never seen the birthing rooms at the big hospital and feel so far away from home and everything there, last week was hard being on the wards let alone with a new baby. they don't allow visitors during the day and hubby can only come in for an hour during the evening so its a very lonely place.
i am about to go online to www.nhs.uk/birthplan because i now HAVE to make a birthplan and i also have to list down the things that now worry me....this is my list of worries so far.......
i am anxious about going into hospital and having my baby in unfamiliar surroundings.
i am worried about going over my due date, as i have had a very long uncomfortable and tireing pregnancy already and i am now worried for my babies safety.
i live in fear of not making it to the hospital on time as my last labour was under 2 hours from feeling uncomfortable to the birth.
i am afraid that i won't be able to cope with the pain as i have concentrated my self hypnosis on a waterbirth and after 2 previous waterbirths i know that water plays a huge part in keeping me calm and helping me with the pain.
i am totally devastated at the prospect of not getting a waterbirth in familiar surroundings something i know contributed to a safe, calm and easier labour and birth to which i have had in 2 previous pregnancies.
i haven't stopped crying and when i did sleep it was full of nightmares about going to hospital....i just dont know what to do....i know going there is safer for my baby and that is paramount but this feeling of dread and fear is soooo strong i so want this all over with now...