Feb 27, 2011
i just wanna curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep. i'm so tired, and this headache is just about to bring tears to my eyes. heero was gone for like hours, and she didnt say where she was going, so i naturally got worried... i hate how i'm so overprotective like that. she went to the movies and saw a movie i wanted to see with her.... i feel kinda left out. but my worry for her is by far stronger, considering her upcoming surgery.... i'm so scared for her, that it's affecting me physically and emotionally.
but right now, i'm just tired and hurting. i didnt get anything done today, and i ate more than i should've.... well, it wasnt really that much, but i still shouldnt have eaten so much. i probably gained back whatever i lost from eating hardly anything all last week... i meant to at least get some writing done, to try to finish the story i'm writing, but i didnt even touch it all day..... it pisses me off. i hate being so... lazy or whatever i am. i just hate it and i hate my life and i hate myself. i really wish suicide wasnt such a bad thing, that i wouldnt devastate heero as much as i would if i killed myself. i dont care about my parents, or my other friends... heero is the one i owe my life to... heero is the only reason i am still alive.