Mar 10, 2011
I swear I'm going to stop acknowledging when things are going well. Everytime I feel at peace, everytime I realize just how awesome everything is and how good my life is going, things fall apart. Right after my last entry when I announced that I was feeling great and things were good, my anxiety returned and it has yet to go away again.
It's been worse since this weekend when I got drunk. I've had a few drinks since I started having panic attacks and it never made my anxiety any worse. This weekend though it was horrible and I'm still reeling from it. My drinking days I think are now behind me, I can't handle it if it's going to make my anxiety act up. My sleep and everything is ALL screwed up again, and I've started having the mini panic attacks I use to get when I was trying to fall asleep.
I hate anxiety.
I know that things will get better, and I know that even with how bad I feel right now, this is by no means the worst my anxiety has ever been. If I could survive the first few months last year when I was having multiple panic attacks a day, I think I can survive anything. This should be a cake walk. But stupid anxiety is never a cake walk. It's ever changing and evolving and making me think that this time something IS seriously wrong.
And I'm suppose to fly on a plane soon. Well in May. I was excited about it, but now I don't know that I can do it. I'm having a hard time controlling my anxiety on the ground, how on earth am I going to do it in the air?