All Journal Entries Journals
Previous | Next

Tramadol, My Evil Friend

Mar 12, 2011 - 3 comments
Tags:

tramadol



Tramadol has ruined my life, as well as other things, but I've been able to quit the others. This drug is a monster and my closest friend at the same time. I am so lost in it. I feel so ashamed to even be on here writing this, but I have seen that it's not only me. This rollercoaster started over 5 years ago, I was using opioids to self treat my depression issues. I have battled depression all my life, nothing I've tried has ever helped very much.Pain pills helped, it got out of hand and I was not able to get them as needed, someone gave me tramadol and it was immediate love. I remember thinking "why is this miracle drug not used for treating depression?" At the time I had the career of my dreams. I had been a waitress for years, and at 37 decided to get my GED and go to nursing school. I graduated at 40 and got an incredible job. All through school I was using vicodin to help me "keep up with the young kids", Its not so easy to learn as when you were young. Not to mention three teenagers and a husband at home needing me. At 41 I finally had everything I ever wanted, a great income,no more worrying where the next meal was coming from, I bought a house, became a grandmother. But somehow inside none of it was enough,I still needed a pill to make me want to even be here. none of the pills were ever prescribed to me. my job performance began to quickly fall,I didn't care anymore. I had peoples lives in my hands, literally. and all I cared about were pills.after many mistakes my supervisor asked for my resignation, because she didn't want to fire me. No one ever knew I was on anything. The story is long, so I'll shorten it by saying, currently I  have been taking 600 to 700 mgs. a day of tramadol,without it I am violently ill. I haven't been able to find any, so I am on day 4 of cold turkey. I have gone through so many cycles of this so many times. this is the longest I"ve gone. the withdrawals are so bad I don't know if I can make it. I found a few vicodin but its not the same. I am thinking if the worst is over, I'd better not take any more. I truly do want to be free, but underneath it all I still need a reason to be here.I am a hermit, the shades are always drawn, I never leave the house, I have alienated everyone in my life, even the dogs.for the last year I thought I was going through menopause, so we have blamed that, but after reading someones post on here, maybe the hot flashes and night sweats and lack of my period, are the tramadol too!!! I am at the bottom , and I am so lost,I truly don't know where to go from here.I don't know what I am looking for on this site, I guess I just needed to tell this to someone. No one knows any of this about me, I am well respected, everyone who knows me thinks I am a good person, some even think I am a christian lady.(I used to be). At this point in my life I don't think God can even look at me anymore. those who don't believe Tramadol is addictive, should come stay with me for a few days.

Comments
Post a Comment
Avatar universal
by LynnBean, Mar 29, 2011
Hi,

I've been surfing through the internet reading  about tram addiction because I am on my day one, yet again, coming off tramadol.  It's something that is hard to share about because I feel  like people will laugh at it. It's tramadol not heroin right? Ha ha.  The only and best support that I have found is with my new friends in Celebrate Recovery, it's a church group that deals with hurts, habits, and hangups of all kind.  Some people are heroin addicts, some people come for their sugar and white flower addiction , so there definatly is no judgment against anyone's problems. I completly relate to your love/hate relationship with it.  I have had depression for many years that didn't respond to traditional treatment.  I had my dream job working as a veterinary nurse at  a large teaching hospital. My back had been hurting me bad and after going to several specialist they could find nothing wrong. One night I remembered the tramadol that I had accidently brought home in my pocket (they are given like candy in vet medicine) so I took 2.  My back stopped hurting right away and 20 minutes later I was moving furniture around and so happy about everything. I took my dog two two different vets and got her scripts, I got myself a script, I found they could be purchased on line, and sometimes at work they fell in my pocket. 3 yrs later I'm taking 20 pills a day as well as other opiots I lifted from work. I got busted for embezzellment of controlled substance by employee, spent a night in jail. Now I'm on a yrs probation, lost my dream job. But guess what? I soon found out Tramadol does not show in the court's 5 panel drug test, so I'm still spending all my money popping these pills while everyone around me is so proud that I am clean and completing my treatment.  My life is a lie and I am only honest to my friends in Celebrate Recovery.  This time I am leaning on god and on prayer to kick this.  I am starting a new job in two weeks and I want to be free of this. I am tired of needing a pill to control my physical and mental well being.  So best of luck to us both
~Lynn

Avatar universal
by mousie925, Apr 22, 2011
hi i know exactly wat u guys are going thru.  i cant go one day without. its so bad that its like i put everybody thru hell telling them well everything will be better if i just take a pill, and after i take them im still miserable. it stops my withdrawals, but im still depressed becuz i kno its all a big fat f......g lie. i hate myself i have two boys six and eight and wats worse is my husband is addicted too.  so the boys have drug addicted parents how lovely im going to give up and just turn myself over to rehab i cant do this anymore.  i have already had three seizures that my boys had to see i need to be committed this is way out of hand. people dont take this drug thats all i gotta say it ***** good luck u two and i truly mean that i feel ur pain jus keep ur head up and be strong.

Avatar universal
by OuijaWest, Mar 12, 2018
OuijaWest, March 12, 2018

I take Tramadol, 100mg per day, just as prescribed by my physician, sometimes I skip aay or two just to see how bad the chronic pain really is. I have taken it for a year now and am preparing for spinal cord stimulation (SCS) procedures, however I have had chronic back pain for five years with horse riding injuries and vertebrae fusion. SCS is the last resort for back pain management. I DO NOT have any addiction habits or desires, although I have suffered from depression all my life. Please do not say I'm just lucky because the pain is real and I struggle - yes struggle every day. I manage to do daily chores around the ranch and with the horses at the barn without help - I am 72 yrs old. To believe me and the level of pain I've been in for many years, I suppose you have to take my word that there are people who resist addiction and just gut it up, scream out loud, beat on the walls or throw rocks (my personal favorite) though the pain. That's what I've done. I've lost a husband who didn't understand but support groups are my saving grace. I submit this story not to tell you I'm better than the rest, but to tell you there is hope - support groups with people who care, not AA or NA, but there are people and friends, "sisters and brothers" that understand your pain and want to help you through it. Seek them out. Do not be afraid or embarrassed. Internet and social media may help you, but seek out those angels to connect with who will help you stay strong. God's blessings to all of you.

Post a Comment