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Extremely worried..

Mar 16, 2011 - 0 comments

Today I was very worried. I had to talk to two of my closest friends, the only ones I can trust.
I lost my virginity to my boyfriend not a few days before (with protection) and I was scared of being possibly pregnant. My anxiety disorder causes me to worry about everything. And when I get so stressed and worried like I was today, I get physically sick. And that led me to being worried that I might set my period off a few days late, and I knew that if it was late, that I would think I was skipping it, which would lead me to think I was pregnant. And I'm just not ready to have a baby. I talked with my boyfriend about it, and we were ready to face the consequences if something happened, but we'd rather not have any children now, since we're so young.
The youngest age I would like to have children would be like, 25- 30 years old. Or at LEAST out of highschool. I do not want to be a typical low income highschool teenaged Mom. I would have been a bit shameful, but it would have died down. I wouldn't ever abort the baby. I told my boyfriend that because it would be his, that I would love it even more. I know it's a bit ridiculous to hear from a 17 year old, that I don't know what love is, but I know what it is. I never told any body I loved them. Well, I've said, "I love you" to my friends and such. But I didn't really believe in love-love. Like "in love" stuff.
I've known my boyfriend since we were in Kindergarten. We've always been friends, for 12 years, actually =) And then he surprised me last year by admitting that he "liked" me. I didn't honestly think I would fall in love with him. I've had puppy love with one boyfriend when I was 14.
Other than that I've never felt like this with anyone else, as cheesy as that sounds. Since I've started dating him my depression has gone away. I've lost a lot of weight (healthy). And my grades are starting to improve. We don't really fight. Fake fighting and maybe some debates over political views and such. He's the first boyfriend I've had that could actually outsmart me and talk with me on my level of intellect. I'm a tad bit smarter than the people that go to my school. I don't know if that makes me smart, or them stupid. I don't mean to sound egotistical, but it's true.
But I really do think I found a guy worth my time. We're talking about our college plans and I'm very much looking forward to moving out next year.

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