I had a hard time falling asleep. If I'm not worrying about one thing I'm worrying about the other.
My religion (catholic-christian) forbids pre-marital sex. I never thought I would do that. I never thought I would have sex at ALL. I've always been the "good girl" of the family.
My mother had my older sister when she was 16. My sister had her daughter when she was 18. A lot of the women in my family had their children early AND out of wedlock. I know that doesn't make it okay, but, I was so worried. I mean, if God is real, then I just sinned, right? And when I worry about life after death, I get really sick and I hate it so much. But I love my boyfriend. I've known him for 13 years. We've always been really close friends. Though we've only been dating for 4 months. Is that considered too early to start having sexual relations with somebody? I don't know.
We always make sure to be very careful. We don't want any accidents. I'm going to try to get the Depo shot today (birth control). Yet another sin. Condoms and birth control is a sin. But, I think this is better than going without and having a baby at 17 and not being married. =\ I'm nearly 18, I should be making my own choices. And I think I'm doing pretty okay, considering.
Though I have to keep it secret from my Dad. I don't want him knowing. I told just my Mom (she lives in another town). She's taking me to get it. I think I can trust her not to tell anyone. She can't tell my sister or ANYONE, or Dad'll find out. I don't want my sister or Dad or Gram finding out. I just need to make it another 7 months and Dad really can't be mad at me for being on birth control. I'll be an adult then....such a weird thought. Only 7 more months and I'll be 18....huh..