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Hopeless?

Mar 29, 2011 - 0 comments
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Undiagnosed/Unusual



It at least seems that way. Like I'll never know why I have the pains or where they're coming from or which part of me is the problem actually living. Since I have no health insurance, I'm 100% positive I'm not going to find out any time soon. I thought the emergency room while I was experiencing the pains would clear something up but all I found out is that my blood pressure was normal, the blood they tested was completely normal, and to come back the following week for ultrasounds and pelvic exam. BOTH found absolutely nothing. The good news is that it's not something terrible that I had been imagining that we know of.  (Cancers, cysts, endometriosis, eptopic pregnancy, being one of those women that didn't know she was pregnant...) The WORSE news is having no clue whatsoever. $1500 later and no answers, I feel hopeless, helpless and scared. What made me furious was the first doctor. I wanted in asap, so I went with this man and he referred me to a psychologist. Sorry, but when the hell did this become a MENTAL problem? Obviously, my mind is affected in the sense that half the time, mine and my boyfriend's sex lives are ruined by this pain, but this is real, excruciating, want to die and feel like my abdomen will explode any second, PAIN. I hope no one ever feels the hurt it causes me emotionally to not be able to please the love of my life a lot of the time, at least not pleasing both of us at the same time, let alone the physical agony. The second gynecologist was at least understanding that this was a real thing. He reviewed my ultrasounds and said they looked great and he saw no problems. He actually sat down with me and listened and suggested the possibility of it being Irritable Bowel Syndrome. He suggested vitamins and a few things that you can do naturally like peppermint oil and caster oil hot packs and to keep a food journal to see if there were patterns with the pain and food I eat. I've always avoided coffee, eggs and too much cheese. They make my stomach hurt but not the abdominal pains I'm talking about.

Symptoms:
physical, excruciating low abdominal pain right above my pubic bone, dead center. The only thing to make it better is to sit on the toilet in this pain for about an hour crying and trying to have a bowel movement. When this very unhealthy bowel comes out, it's usually very soft and not very formed, but not diarrhea. The pains still persist for between 2-5 hours after the bowel movement.

Symptoms occur when:
I climax during sex. NOT during vaginal intercourse, but only when I actually climax vaginally or by clitoral stimulation. Usually cannot have painless sex between the 18th and the 27th of every month, and it occurs randomly any other days. ALSO in the middle of the night or even up to 11am, I wake out of a dead sleep with this pain. Out of nowhere without warning. Weird part is that it also happens when I have sex dreams. Not always. In the last 6 months, it has even been in the middle of the day when I'm completely awake and everything appears normal.

These pains have continued to get worse. It doesn't make any sense that they started out of nowhere. About 2 years ago, it started. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 yrs and I've been using the same birth control pills for 5 years or more. Lately, (thank God) I haven't had them that often, but I still get them at the very least about 2-3 times a month. Stress seems to factor in a bit.

I just feel alone and upset when I think about it. It's really hurt me emotionally and physically and I have been seeing a counselor to help manage my stress levels, but I can't help but think I'll never truly know what this is and I'm almost sure it will never go away. My head still spins with questions- will I still be able to have kids? Will it ever stop? What is it? Why me? I swear I've been a really good person. I just don't get it.

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