I have been extremely stressed out lately, and I noticed that my stress is manifesting itself in depression, mood swings (short temper), Body aches and pains, and now emotional eating.
I found myself emotionally eating on chocolate chip cookie bars. Even though I was full and I didn't want to eat too many calories I continued to eat them. Afterward, I felt sick and angry with myself. And sad.
I know that food will never solve my problems, I understand that very well. But I pass by the baked goods and I feel drawn towards them. I want to eat them even though I know that they won't taste that good, and I'm not hungry.
I need to get rid of this stress, but even on the days that I get to relax a bit I feel the stress creeping up on me again and that just upsets me more.
I feel like I am not living, but merely surviving. When will I be able to live again? When will I be free? Is there antything I can do to help my situation, butcause I think this is one of those situations that I'll just have to wait out. I already got past the point of quitting. I had many times where I wanted to quit, and I was ready to quit... but I didn't. I pushed through them. I am now further then I have ever let myself get before. What's next? And is it worth it?
Am I doing this all only to not get anything in return? Is it selfish of me to want something in return?
If there is such thing as Karma, I either did something really bad in the past or in a past life, or I will have so something really good in the future.
I am hoping for the good future, but right now I'm worried I may never get it. I find myself second guessing the choices I've made. The choices I once thought were right I now feel anxious about.
Am I leading myself into certain destruction, or is this just a bumpy road onto the way to greatness? I'm going to stay optimistic about the future because I believe in myself.
If I can get through this I can get though anything. I am strong because I can admit I am weak. I am smart because I can admit I don't know everything. I can be happy because I know what it feels like to be sad.
I will continue my journey and hope for the best. If for some reason I do not get what I want in the future, I know I will be strong enough and smart enough to change it. It's never too late to change.