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Apr 06, 2011 - 3 comments

I'm very close to my due date now; only 5 more weeks to go. It's amazing how the past few months have gone by. It seems like yesterday that I saw that second line appear on the test!

I almost feel guilty when I say that up until this point the physical part of this pregnancy has been a breeze; during my first trimester I was just really tired and couldn't stand some smells, but I never suffered from any morning sickness. I did have very sore breasts for about a week or two, but that's about it. I practically danced through the second trimester and the beginning of the third. To be honest sometimes I wondered if there was something wrong with me since everything was going so smoothly... And then the acid reflux hit. I have never experienced anything like it, at days I couldn't eat anything because it would cause the acid to come up. I lived on yoghurt and finally decided to get some medicine to make things better; I couldn't sleep or eat, not very healthy for a woman and her unborn child.

In any case, mentally it's been a rough few months. My partner left me because he was too 'overwhelmed' with the coming of our baby, even though we planned this pregnancy he decided he couldn't handle it. It took me a very long time to get over the anger somewhat (it's still there, it just hurts less) and the frustration. I'm used to the idea that I'm a single mom now. Even though I miss having a partner to share this with, I sure as hell don't miss having my ex around. He will be part of my life forever, but as the father of my child, not my friend or partner. And that's ok.

What I've noticed in the past week or so is that, besides my baby dropping (which is causing pain and discomfort) is that I've turned inwards a lot. I thought it might not happen to me, because I'm usually a very outgoing person in need of a lot of social contact. Right now I just want to stay home and wait for the baby to come. According to a couple of articles I found on the web it's very normal; I just find it a strange sensation. It's like I'm still not used to this baby actually coming in a few weeks time. My mood hasn't been great either (to be honest it's been god-awefull!) so I rather just stay away from everyone. It's come to a point where I don't want to be pregnant any more, I've had enough of it, I want my body back and my baby in my arms instead of in my belly. I feel very much trapped inside my body right now. This feeling might also be fueled by the fact that I have nobody to help me out in the house, nobody who will cook for me or get me a drink when I'm too tired to get up. Up until delivery I will have to do my own grocery shoppings, even though I don't have the energy to do so and I don't own a car - I have to do everything on bike. Try doing that when you can't even bend over properly to take your stuff out of the shopping cart.

All in all I'll be very glad when it's all over. The only thing I'm hoping for now is that my dear baby boy doesn't let me wait too long!

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by logigirl, Apr 07, 2011
omg, i can't imagine shopping via bike! That must be different (to say the least)... What are your plans for once the baby gets here?

I am sorry you've had such an emotional rut... I know the feeling, somethimes i feel the exact same way. I (like you) have turned inward on a lot of my feelings as well. I just hope once we have these babies all that emotion doesn't flood at once and we end up being the crazy lady crying her eyes out (for all the wrong reasons) while holding a newborn baby for the first time!

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by nina1123, Apr 10, 2011
wow...hats off to you...because you are doing it...Being a single mom is hard but being a single pregnant mom already with a 2 year old is harder...and thats a road Im about to travel...because of my own mistakes Ill be facing this pregnancy alone... Im still in my second trimester so the burden of being pregnanat hasn't really got to me yet... but I just wanna tell you keep your head up... and just think about holding your baby for the first time... because everything you are going through will be just a distant memory... but good luck...and one more can do grocery shopping at and will deliver the groceries right to your door step...

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by iMazed, Apr 10, 2011
Nina, that would be great... But I live in Holland, not in the USA. We do have shops that deliver at your doorstep but you pay for it as well. And that's money I can't really miss!

Good luck with your journey, I'm sure you'll do fine. That's what us moms do right? We swallow our pain and move on :)

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