Apr 06, 2011
I'm very close to my due date now; only 5 more weeks to go. It's amazing how the past few months have gone by. It seems like yesterday that I saw that second line appear on the test!
I almost feel guilty when I say that up until this point the physical part of this pregnancy has been a breeze; during my first trimester I was just really tired and couldn't stand some smells, but I never suffered from any morning sickness. I did have very sore breasts for about a week or two, but that's about it. I practically danced through the second trimester and the beginning of the third. To be honest sometimes I wondered if there was something wrong with me since everything was going so smoothly... And then the acid reflux hit. I have never experienced anything like it, at days I couldn't eat anything because it would cause the acid to come up. I lived on yoghurt and finally decided to get some medicine to make things better; I couldn't sleep or eat, not very healthy for a woman and her unborn child.
In any case, mentally it's been a rough few months. My partner left me because he was too 'overwhelmed' with the coming of our baby, even though we planned this pregnancy he decided he couldn't handle it. It took me a very long time to get over the anger somewhat (it's still there, it just hurts less) and the frustration. I'm used to the idea that I'm a single mom now. Even though I miss having a partner to share this with, I sure as hell don't miss having my ex around. He will be part of my life forever, but as the father of my child, not my friend or partner. And that's ok.
What I've noticed in the past week or so is that, besides my baby dropping (which is causing pain and discomfort) is that I've turned inwards a lot. I thought it might not happen to me, because I'm usually a very outgoing person in need of a lot of social contact. Right now I just want to stay home and wait for the baby to come. According to a couple of articles I found on the web it's very normal; I just find it a strange sensation. It's like I'm still not used to this baby actually coming in a few weeks time. My mood hasn't been great either (to be honest it's been god-awefull!) so I rather just stay away from everyone. It's come to a point where I don't want to be pregnant any more, I've had enough of it, I want my body back and my baby in my arms instead of in my belly. I feel very much trapped inside my body right now. This feeling might also be fueled by the fact that I have nobody to help me out in the house, nobody who will cook for me or get me a drink when I'm too tired to get up. Up until delivery I will have to do my own grocery shoppings, even though I don't have the energy to do so and I don't own a car - I have to do everything on bike. Try doing that when you can't even bend over properly to take your stuff out of the shopping cart.
All in all I'll be very glad when it's all over. The only thing I'm hoping for now is that my dear baby boy doesn't let me wait too long!