Apr 17, 2011
Another Saturday night alone. Another night wasted. I guess I'm starting to realize that this IS my life. Things aren't going to get better and I'm not going to get better. I've just about lost the will to keep going. I don't have anyone to blame but, myself. My sister and I both come from the same family and we live such different lives. She has a wealth of friends and lives this amazing life. She travels and she does all of these fun things while being a stellar student and working a full time job. I tried to talk to her but, she didn't respond. I guess she doesn't want me to be a part of her life and how can I blame her? I can barely stand the sight of myself so how can I expect anyone else to. Two minimum wage jobs, no girlfriend, no skills, and to top it all off I'm going to lose my counselor. She's the only person that I can talk to about these things and so many other things that I'll never be able to share with anyone else again. I just want to die. I'm still here though. I'm still trying to find a place in this world and find something that I can do that will give my life meaning. Am I just wasting my time? My father doesn't want to talk to me and I'm sure he doesn't want to give me anymore help. He has a daughter that's done everything right in her life and he's got to worry about her first. Johnny and Jenny will be getting their own place at the end of the summer and I'm not going to live with Russel anymore. I'm not going to live with J.R. and living in Detroit with Kieth would just be another form of hell. I won't be able to afford living on my own and I don't think that my family's going to help me nor should they. So with nothing good in my life and no real friends or family to speak of, the final question is: what do I have left?